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Guys Don’t Date Anymore!

9 Mindset Myths Keeping You Single
(+ 3 Steps to Clear Them)

three guys sitting on ocean poles because guys don't date anymore
Joel Bengs/Unsplash

In this article, you'll discover...

Table of Contents

Detoxing your dating mindset blocks – e.g. thoughts like, “Men can’t be trusted,” or “I’m not worthy of love” – is the critical first step to attracting the man of your dreams. 

I’ve had so many coaching clients ask me, “Why is dating so hard?” and know how difficult it is to stay hopeful after your fifteenth online dating disappointment in a week – whether that was being ghostedbody-shamedsolicited for sex, or sent a yet another indecent picture without your consent.

But when negative thoughts like those are put on repeat for weeks, months, or even years, each one can become ingrained in your subconscious as a “fact,” instead of the subjective opinion that it actually is.

Mindset blocks can also prevent you from achieving your dating and relationship goals, no matter how much you want to attract a great partner. 

If a man you’re talking to picks up that you hold the belief that, “Guys don’t date anymore!” it may turn him off – and, even worse, become a self-fulfilling prophecy for you.

Here are some other defeating mindsets and generalizations that it’s easy to start defaulting to:

But great news: Once you tackle these pesky barriers and align your new thoughts to support what you actually want to believe, the rest of your journey to love will become easier and way more fun. 

All Readers Welcome

While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.

So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome! 

I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.

- Camille Virginia

Because here’s a little secret about those scripts: They’ve actually been serving a positive purpose for you. 

Your negative mindsets have actually been serving a positive purpose for you.

That’s why part of the process to remove them is understanding why you have them. Then you can lovingly thank them for all their efforts, let them know you’re no longer in need of their service, and bid them adios. 

The first step in this detox process? 

Get off the dating apps. 

Stat.

Even if you want to go online again down the road, we need to cut off all the men who are treating you less than you deserve.

This is why I’m an offline dating coach, helping women meet quality men in real life – without the apps – so they can save time, be treated better, have more fun, and find a better match than they otherwise might online.

The 9 mindset myths that are keeping you single

The mindset barriers that prevent you from moving forward in your love life typically fall into one of two categories: 

  1. External Barriers (e.g. "Guys don't date anymore!")
  2. Internal Barriers (e.g. "I'm not worthy of love.")

I’ll show you the most common internal and external dating blocks that tend to keep great women like you from finding the love you deserve. 

As we cover each of them, note which one (or variation of one) may resonate with thoughts you have about men or yourself, even if it’s not verbatim. 

External Mindsets: When you always blame others

If you find yourself blaming other people, the world, your accountant, or basically anyone except yourself for the current circumstances of your love life right now, you likely have an external mindset block. 

However, deep down, external blocks are really internal blocks that haven’t been fully acknowledged yet. 

Sometimes it can feel easier to blame others instead of looking at your own life and taking responsibility for your own choices that created your current situation.

But blaming others just leads to bitterness, and also puts all the power to change your circumstances into the hands of other people – people who can’t actually change your life for you. 

Only you can choose to change your mindset.

Let’s dive into the most common external dating mindset barriers and see if any of these resonate with you.

Mindset Myth #1: "Guys don't date anymore!"

Let’s be clear on one thing: the modern dating process is completely messed up. 

Relying on a dating app (which has every incentive to keep you single), judging prospective partners by three pictures and a few sentences (which likely aren’t even true) is a bit absurd if you think about it.

It seems like everyone is swiping away their soul – and their free time – yet few are actually meeting quality people who are ready and available for a committed relationship.

recent study revealed that only 17% of married couples met online. 

With all the downsides of dating apps, I know it can feel like guys don’t date anymore. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth – you just need to know where to look for them, and how to spot them. 

Hint: It involves getting off the dating apps and finding a date not online – i.e. offline dating in the real world.

single white man in blue suit smiling in bar not dating
Austin Distel/Unsplash

In my life, I’ve been on dozens, possibly hundreds, of dates with men – and I met all of them without using dating apps or any other technology. 

There have been so many quality men who treated me to picnics in the park, walks on the beach, and even a horseback riding adventure (a great first date activity, by the way). 

Many of these men also shared my core values of honesty, reliability, intelligence, and kindness.

The dating process has indeed changed a lot in the past decade-plus, but my female clients are still meeting plenty of quality men without apps and going on lots of dates.

This is why, when you meet a man offline, instead of on an app, he tends to step up and treat you like the valuable woman you are. 

Risking rejecting in person makes him value you more, and being face-to-face allows for his human instincts to kick in. 

Meeting a man in the real world – i.e. not online – means he’s not sending you vulgar pictures, he’s texting you to confirm the dinner reservations he made at that upscale Moroccan restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. 

Mindset Myth #2: "Guys only want sex."

The mindset barrier, “Guys only want sex,” goes deeper than just a generalization and tends to come down to the internal script, “Men don’t value me as a person.”

single black man in front of strip club sign since guys only want sex
Clem Onojeghuo/Unsplash

But you can’t apply an arbitrary trait (or, really, anything) to an entire gender. 

I found myself in a debate with another dating coach about this, after reading his Facebook post that said:  

“My observation: women hate being held accountable. According to them they are guilty of nothing and right about everything. Have you experienced the same thing? Let’s talk about it, comment below.”

And oh, I commented. 

I said the reason he was attracting women who didn’t take responsibility for their choices was because he was turning off the quality women who do take responsibility. 

Quality women could spot whatever chip was on his shoulder about our gender and were instantly turned off.

I also reminded him that our role as dating coaches is to unite the genders – not pit them against each other. 

As a dating coach, my job is to unite the genders - not pit them against each other.

 

It’s like telling yourself that guys don’t date anymore despite knowing that your best friend is on a third date right now with a so-far, so-good guy man she met at the museum last week. 

Remember: you bring about what you think about. 

So, if you hold positive thoughts about quality men, they will instinctively feel it and be more attracted to you. 

If you are a consistent man-basher, they’ll feel that too – and understandably head for the hills.

Also, remember there isn’t one universal definition of “attractive.” Everyone has different preferences and opinions on body shape, personality type, sense of humor, etc. 

No matter who you are, there are good men who are looking for a woman exactly like you. 

And if a man is closed-minded enough to only be interested in women with a certain physique or physical trait, why would you want to be with him anyway? 

Chances are that he’s closed-minded in all other aspects of his life too. 

Next, please! 

Mindset Myth #3: "Men can't be trusted."

This mindset block almost always stems from a specific person who deeply hurt you in the past. 

And it’s often less about men and more about not trusting your own judgment to let the right men into your life.

woman in woods approached by man she doesn't trust in black cloak
Dmitry Vechorko/Unsplash

I’m willing to bet that, logically, you know that the men from your past have nothing to do with the men of the present moment. 

But, emotionally, after more than a few disappointments or betrayals, it can be easy to lump all guys into the same category and assign them the label of “untrustworthy.”

Imagine this scenario: You’re on a first date with a man and the conversation is flowing nicely. 

You’re finding yourself more and more attracted to him – but then suddenly, he says “Women never make good CEOs. They can’t make decisions as quickly as men do.” 

If he’s holding a negative stereotype about women like that, it’s safe to assume there are other gender biases he’s holding as well – and, clearly, not positive ones. 

Just as you wouldn’t want a man holding anything from his past relationships against you, don’t hold the disappointments of your own experiences against a man who has nothing to do with those other guys. 

Mindset Myth #4: “All the good men are taken!”

This broad (and, again, false) generalization is similar to telling yourself, “Guys don’t date anymore,” as well as the internal mindset block, “I’m not worthy of love.” 

two white men and two asian men sitting on cliff laughing
Matheus Ferrero/Unsplash

It comes from an all-or-nothing way of thinking. Instead of categorizing men as having the indefinite status of either “single” or “not single,” imagine the dating and relationship sphere as more of an ecosystem. 

Quality men are constantly being taken off the market and coming back onto it every single day. 

So jump on in and become part of that beautiful cycle, girl! 

Maybe the man who is ultimately meant to spend his life with you is currently in an unhappy relationship. 

But right now he’s learning important lessons from it, which will make him an even better partner for you once he’s able to extract himself and become available.  

Or perhaps he’s dealing with a high-stress job or a family caretaking responsibility. He may not be ready to meet his Mrs. Right right now… but if you give him a little time, he will be.

When he is ready, you’ll know when you meet the right man – and he will be completely worth the wait.

Mindset Myth #5: “There are no single men where I live.”

Gold Hill is a town of 170 people and there's not a whole lot of choice of single men - and yet I found my soulmate here. So when friends of mine in Chicago say 'There are no men to meet in all of Chicago!' I can only laugh.

- Dr. Joan Borysenko, The Soulmate Summit

The underlying issue with this mindset is usually a lack of clarity about what a quality man looks like to you. 

There are likely hundreds of great single men that pass within arm’s reach of you every day, you just may not be able to recognize them yet. 

My favorite example to counter this mindset is the “how we met” story of psychologist Dr. Joan Borysenko and her husband Dr. Gordon Dveirin. 

Joan was on a flight back to her tiny Colorado mountain village, population 170, talking to the man sitting next to her. When she mentioned the name of her town, he said that his best friend Gordon lived there too. 

She didn’t know Gordon, but eventually – thanks to an introduction from her seatmate – she and Gordon met up, became friends, and that friendship eventually blossomed into their marriage. 

Chances are high that they had passed each other in town but didn’t actually connect until that chance encounter on the plane united them. 

Quality single men truly are everywhere and anywhere – even in the middle of nowhere. It just takes a little action – and a little faith – to find them.

three white guys and white woman talking and laughing not dating anymore
Helena Lopes/Unsplash

Another example of this is my friend’s cousin Jenna. She was determined to overcome this particular mindset, so one Saturday she decided to go to the zoo by herself. 

She packed a lunch, found a bench she could watch the animals from, and kept an open mind about simply enjoying her day. 

Turns out, it was a great day to go to the zoo alone because she ended up sharing the bench with a man who was also there by himself, and eventually they were married.

I’ve met great men on airplanes, at a child’s birthday party, on trains, in the deli meats section of the grocery store, and in many other everyday places. 

That’s because single men are doing the same things you’re doing: Picking up dinner, waiting in line at Starbucks, riding the bus, and going to the dog park.

Mindset Myth #6: “I can instantly tell if I'm into him or not.”

Spoiler alert on this one: No, you can’t. 

The traits that make someone an incredible partner (like kindness, honesty, and reliability) take time to be revealed. Put another way, the traits that count take time to come out.

The traits that count take time to come out.

Even if a man sounds like he has them from your first conversation, you have to see if he actually “walks his talk” and lives those values in his day-to-day life. 

single latino man looking at sky in vegetable field
Allef Vinicius/Unsplash

Unless you have magical mind-reading powers, it’s impossible to tell right away if someone would make a great potential partner for you or not. 

Getting to know someone is like starting to read a new book. 

It’s okay to have a sense of what they’re about when you first meet, but you can’t screen them out just because you don’t feel an instant connection in the first few minutes. 

(or, in the case of a book, you’re not 100% hooked after reading the first page). 

The exception to this is, of course, if a red flag pops up in your first encounter with him. Then you can and should definitely screen him out. 

Be open to letting men prove your mindset wrong in a great way. 

Maybe after one too many Tinder disappointments, you text your bestie, “Guys just don’t date anymore!” But after that moment of frustration passes, you keep an open mind as you go about your day.

And, a few hours later, find yourself getting asked out by a handsome man in line at the grocery store.

Most people simply don’t know how to showcase their authentic selves to strangers. 

It’s not that they’re necessarily hiding something, but as a culture, we’ve been wired to be guarded and try to blend in with the crowd (i.e. not display all the cool traits that make you special and unique). 

So when you meet someone, let it be an adventure to slowly find out about them and be open to seeing who they are beyond your first impression.

Plus, keep in mind that you don’t know what a man is going through in the moment that you meet him. 

Maybe he recently got out of a long-term relationship and is just out of practice with how to talk to women. 

He may not know exactly what to say to you or be the most charming man in the room, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t make an incredible partner.

He may not be the most charming man in the room - but that doesn't mean he wouldn't make an incredible partner.

Personally, I wasn’t attracted to any of my past boyfriends when I first met them (sorry, boys). 

But once I got to know each of them and completely fell for their personality, each one became the most attractive man in the world to me while we were together. 

On the flip side, if someone is physically stunning, they can quickly become unattractive via their behavior. 

For example, maybe you’re at a party and spot a guy across the room who could be Zach Efron’s twin. 

But as you’re ogling him, he suddenly turns to the guy next to him and yells, “You just spilled your drink on me, idiot!” – and instantly becomes the most unattractive man in the room. 

This is why my three-part process of how to attract the right man is crucial, so you give yourself the required time to clarify the qualities of a good boyfriend, understand what questions to ask him to know his intentions, and then watch for the 10 signs of a good man. 

I guarantee you’ll be pleasantly surprised by some of the men you may have initially written off at first glance.

Internal Mindsets: When you're too hard on yourself

Internal mindset blocks are those negative scripts that deliver an emotional punch to yourself every time they pop into your head.

The mindset of, “I’m not worthy of love” can show up in several different ways – like, “I’m too busy to date” (e.g. avoiding a fear of getting hurt by filling up your life with other distractions) or “I’m not over my ex” (which is a legit reason for a year or so – but not for a decade).

Here are some of the most common internal mindsets that may be blocking your path to love…

Mindset Myth #7: "I'm not worthy of love."

Sometimes it’s a little too easy to turn a generalization about men (“Guys don’t date anymore!”) back onto yourself (“I’m not worthy of love”).

single white woman with muddy hands feeling not worthy of love
Jeremy Bishop/Unsplash

This was a big one for me personally, especially in high school and at the beginning of college. I felt like there was a “mass memo” I’d missed that had magically taught all the other girls how to be attractive to men. 

I felt completely clueless and resigned myself to my own made-up category of “I’m just not meant to be with someone.” 

It’s a very black-or-white way of thinking, which can apply to some things in life (like, “Is it raining or not?”) but gets way more complicated when applied to complex humans. 

The mindset of, “I’m not worthy of love,” is also closely tied to others like, “Why aren’t men attracted to me?”, “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?”, and “I don’t know how to talk to guys.” 

These thoughts ultimately all boil down to a lack of self-worth. 

In the coming articles, I’ll show you how to boost your self-confidence by revealing what men look for in a woman and how to cultivate those desired traits to bring a high-value man into your life. 

I’ll also give you tips on how to be approachable so you can lower your risk of rejection, and reveal my five-step process of what triggers emotional attraction in a man so you can create a powerful bond with any man. 

Plus, I’ll show you how to get a guy to ask you out so you can score a hot date for the weekend – without apps.

Mindset Myth #8: “I'm not over my ex.”

If you haven’t had any pain on the romance front then you likely either aren’t dating enough or not emotionally investing enough in the men you’re dating. 

If you haven't had any pain on the romance front, then you either aren’t dating enough or you're not emotionally investing enough in the men you're dating.

The good news is that you get to control how you deal with the pain of your past relationships. 

Sometimes you just need a little (or a lot of) time and a good support system, and eventually, you feel ready to open yourself up to someone else.  

single blond black woman in sweatshirt on track
Cortney White/Unsplash

This mindset block was what led me to marry the wrong man. 

Instead of acknowledging the pain of my breakup from the relationship before him, and fully healing from that loss, I instead chose to fall in love again as an attempt to distract myself from the pain. 

But in opening my heart too soon and for the wrong reasons, I let the wrong man into my life and chose not to see the red flags that came with him. 

Mindset Myth #9: “It’s not a good time for me to date right now.”

I’ve had many a Strategy Session Call with women who indicated on their coaching application that finding the right partner was their top life priority. 

But, after hearing their dating challenges and sharing insight as to why they haven’t attracted love, when the time came to commit to working together to achieve their goals, they found excuses to not move forward. 

Reasons I’ve heard for why “Now isn’t a good time for me to date” include, but are not limited to…

Individually, each of these is a (somewhat) valid excuse to not be taking steps forward in your love life. 

But here’s the problem: As soon as one of these excuses is off the table, many women simply replace it with a new excuse which gives them yet another reason to avoid focusing on finding a partner. 

single white woman in hat sitting on rock
Omar Lopez/Unsplash

It’s easy to create this endless cycle for yourself by hyper-focusing on one aspect of your life (e.g. career, children, weight loss) and putting off your desires for partnership. 

But then – poof – the years will pass you by at warp speed and you won’t have taken any steps toward finding that lifelong companionship you deeply desire. 

One day, you’ll wake up and realize it’s been forever since you’ve taken any steps toward getting a date, let alone finding a partner; and now it’s overwhelming to think about where to even start with taking action. 

Going even deeper, if you’re avoiding putting yourself out there, there’s always a reason – and it usually involves a lack of self-worth or some deep-set fear. 

But the longer you wait to do the thing that scares you, the bigger your fear of it will continue to grow. 

The longer you wait to do the thing that scares you,
the bigger your fear of it will continue to grow.

The 3 stages to overcome any negative mindset barrier

After one too many disappointments on the dating and relationship front, it’s easy to start thinking the way your life is right now is the way it will be forever. 

I am 100% guilty of this myself. 

But it’s simply not true. As the saying goes, “The only constant in life is change.”

So, how do you start clearing out the negative mindsets, like “Guys don’t date anymore!” when you genuinely want to believe the opposite? 

One way is to tap into the power to re-program your thoughts through a phenomenon called neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is the process of changing your brain and the way you think as a result of intentional, repeated experiences. 

As my incredibly talented friend and mindfulness coach Ariadne Ducas of Kairos describes it…

“When you develop the meta-awareness to observe your own thinking, you can more easily disrupt the trains of thought that aren’t helpful, and lean into the ones that are. Repetition of this approach is what literally changes minds, and then changes outcomes.” 

In other words, you can consciously choose a new way of thinking, which creates new neuropathways in your brain that further reinforce that new truth. 

But before you can re-program your negative mindsets to serve you better, first you need to discover where that mindset came from.

Then, you’ve got to give it a little love (because you were holding on to it for a reason, even if it’s no longer serving your deepest desires) and set it free.

I recommend setting aside about 30 minutes in a quiet place to read through the Three Stages to Overcome a Negative Mindset Barrier, which are:

1) The Awareness Stage: Diagnose the situation

You cannot change anything of which you are not aware.

- David Neagle, author and entrepreneur
single white man in doctor lab coat against pink background
Austin Distel/Unsplash

The quicker you discover what’s holding you back, the quicker you can overcome it. 

Choose which mindset barriers you feel might be holding you back from your dating and relationship goals:

Now, it’s time to find out where it came from so we can make the unconscious become conscious – because only then can you actually change the mindset.

Mindset blocks can usually be traced back to a specific event, person, or series of people, so take some time and think back to the past. The fastest way to do this is by journaling about it.

Writing out your insights provides the chance to organize your thoughts, connect the dots, and come to conclusions that can’t happen when they’re simply floating around aimlessly in your head. 

The goal here is to get those thoughts out of your head – they need an outlet or else they’re going to be replaying on repeat forever. It’s like having The Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” stuck in your head. Forever. 

Try journaling on it every night for a week. 

If you skip a night, no big deal. Forcing yourself to do something every single day isn’t always realistic, and just adds pressure to a process that’s supposed to be relieving you of it. 

For example, if your mindset block is, “Guys don’t date anymore,” try one of the following journal prompts to go deeper on it:

You may be able to trace that mindset back to last year, when you spent a month on Tinder, only to be constantly disappointed by not only the lack of matches but the lack of follow-through of the few you got. 

After enough letdowns and ghosting incidents, you started adopting the belief that guys just aren’t open to dating anymore as a defense mechanism to understand why this was happening to you. 

But that was just a limited experience – and on a platform that, again has every incentive to keep you single. It doesn’t mean it’s true for all men. Not even close! 

You can also uncover hidden mindsets by listing 10 downsides you may experience once you achieve them. 

This method provides the opportunity to say your excuses out loud and reveal the deeper reasons (which you might not be conscious of) about why you’ve held onto this mindset for so long. 

Your conscious mind may not know the root of the mindset – but your subconscious mind does. 

So, doing these writing exercises can help bridge that gap and provide better context on the mindset’s origin, which then gives you the power to heal it and move on.

The answer of where it came from may come to you quickly, or two weeks later after you start thinking about it – maybe in the shower, while on a run, or as you’re laying in bed. 

Give it space to come to you when it’s ready.

When you start to uncover where this thought came from and understand it, its power over you will weaken. 

Just like when Toto pulled the curtain back to reveal The Great and Powerful Oz was actually an adorable old man who just wanted a hot air balloon to get home.

2) The Appreciation Stage: Love it and leave it

The only way you can feel your emotions is by feeling them in your body. This is why re-hashing what you're feeling over and over in your mind, trying to figure it out, isn’t helping anymore. You need to FEEL it to heal it.

- Rebecca Niziol, freedom and empowerment coach

Once you know the mindset’s origin, feel into the raw emotions that come with it so you can finally release it. 

red and pink heart shaped balloons floating into sky
Christopher Beloch/Unsplash

Think of the Disney movie Inside Out where each of the major emotions – Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness – have their own purpose and personality. 

There’s a time and place for each, but that doesn’t mean each one gets to overstay its welcome. 

Using the example of “Guys don’t date anymore,” that false belief may have been created to keep your ego from being bruised after realizing you haven’t had a date in six months. 

It can feel better to blame guys instead of admitting that online dating just isn’t working for you (or, spoiler alert, anyone).

That mindset is also preventing you from reflecting upon your part in not having had a date in a while, which is the only way to change that behavior and start getting the results you want.

Or, maybe a few years ago you had your heart shattered by an ex-boyfriend who cheated on you, so the script, “Guys only want sex” or “Men can’t be trusted” was created to prevent you from getting hurt again. 

Unfortunately, your ego doesn’t care that its protection mechanism is also preventing you from opening up your heart to someone else who is nothing like your ex and who could make you very happy. 

Your ego’s job is simply to keep you safe and alive, regardless of whether its approach aligns with your deepest desires. 

Whichever script resonates most with you, now it’s time to ask yourself how it’s been serving you. 

If you weren’t getting any benefit from it, it wouldn’t have stayed in place for so long. Try these journal prompts to uncover the hidden benefit of having that negative mindset:

Just like that last lingering party guest who should really go home right now, graciously thank the mindset for attending, then lovingly show it to the door.

Just like that last lingering party guest who should really go home right now, graciously thank the mindset for attending, then lovingly show it to the door.

You can also try the Ho’oponopono clearing technique, which is a Hawaiian mantra to “heal yourself by healing others.” 

It’s as simple as holding the thought of the person or event responsible for your pain or mental barriers, then saying these four lines:

This gives gratitude to the person or event for the lessons it taught you (painful as they may have been), so you can carry those lessons forward and avoid having to repeat them. 

3) The Antidote Stage: Create your fabulous new mindset

The last stage to detoxing your toxic mindset, whether it’s, “Guys don’t date anymore,” “Men can’t be trusted,” or “I’m not worthy of love,” is to replace it with the positive (and way more fun) opposite.

single man holding mug that says see the good
Nathan Dumlao/Unsplash

That means creating new thoughts (for internal mindset barriers) and experiences (for external mindset barriers) that support what you actually want to believe and making it your new default. 

A key aspect of this is to get off the dating apps – at least temporarily. 

Online dating has often been described as a cesspool of emotionally unavailable people, who may or may not actually be single, and most of whom aren’t ready (or even looking) for a healthy committed relationship.

Ditching the dating apps not only cuts off these people’s ability to negatively affect you, but provides more time to create real-life experiences that engage your senses, so you can override negative thoughts faster.

Invalidate the Internal

Say "I am a good person, loving girlfriend, successful entrepreneur, I am enough, I've always been enough, and now that I know I'm enough everyone else knows it too, and I will always be enough."

- Dr. Marisa Peer, psychologist and author

If your main mindset barrier is internal, chances are it boils down to a lack of self-worth, which is usually the result of harsh words about yourself that have been on repeat for years or even decades. 

Those criticisms have been ingrained into your mind for so long that they may have even been accepted as a “fact” – i.e. your truth. 

The antidote is to purposefully program new thoughts of self-praise to replace those criticisms. One of the fastest and easiest ways to overcome them is by using psychologist Dr. Marisa Peer‘s simple but powerful method of saying “I am enough”…

Start telling yourself, “I am enough,” to yourself in the bathroom mirror every morning, every evening, and – heck – every time you use that bathroom. 

Put a post-it up with the words, “I am enough,” so you see it every time. 

Program a reminder in your phone to pop up throughout the day with, “I am enough.” Get creative with this!

I know, it sounds too simple to be effective, but don’t underestimate the power of affirmations. 

Not only has it helped me, but Dr. Peer has thousands of success stories.  

Just try it for a week. I guarantee you’ll start to chip away at your harsh inner critic and feel like a weight is being lifted off your chest. 

That’s the feeling of your self-love breaking through and the first step toward truly falling in love with yourself.

Eradicate the External

If you have an external mindset that’s been keeping you stuck, like “Guys don’t date anymore,” the fastest way to remove it is to look for and/or create new experiences to disprove it.

Start by searching for everyday examples that are the opposite of it. Make it fun, like the childhood game “Slug Bug,” where you looked for different colored Volkswagen Beetle cars. 

Once you start intentionally searching for something, it will magically start showing up everywhere. 

For example, if your main mental barrier was, “Guys only want sex,” start looking for men who clearly enjoy aspects of women other than that. 

Maybe your Uncle Tim treats your Aunt Judy like a queen and leaves love notes throughout the house for her. 

Or, your brother Adam is incredibly supportive of his girlfriend Tanisha who’s working full time while going through nursing school, and he cooks all their meals. 

Experiencing positive opposites will start to re-program your negative mindset into a positive one. 

Take a few days and write down everything you observe that disproves your mindset. Start building a body of evidence to prove your desired mindset right, until it finally eclipses your old one.

Start building a body of evidence to prove your desired mindset right, until it finally eclipses your old one.

Forgive - But Don't Forget

It’s important to release the negative emotions tied to your mindset block, but never forget the lessons that came with it.

To forget the lesson that an experience taught you just dooms you to keep repeating it.

There are things to be learned from every experience and every relationship, especially the ones that were the most painful. 

Make it your goal to find and learn from those lessons, then release the limiting mindset associated with it. 

For example, I’ve forgiven my flaky ex-boyfriend who’d booked a weeklong romantic stay-cation for us, only to completely bail at the last minute and leave me stranded at the hotel alone. 

Does that mean I ever want to date a man who treats me like that again? 

Absolutely not. 

The lesson I learned from that deeply disappointing experience was to pay attention to the red flags, such as when a man starts disengaging and distancing himself from a commitment he made. 

If you want to release the mindset, “Guys don’t date anymore,” remember what triggered that thought in the first place and be aware of when that trigger might crop up again. 

Perhaps you received your tenth, “Hey, want to hook up?” message on Bumble in less than a week, and in a moment of frustration declared, “Ugh! Guys don’t date anymore! They only want sex!”

The next time you find yourself in a similar position getting worked up over boys behaving badly online, put down your phone – repeat: put down your phone – and go for a walk. 

Or head to a yoga lesson. 

Or ask a girlfriend to grab dinner with you and tell her about your idea to start a new book club. 

A great way to shift your focus away from what you don’t want is to embrace your femininity by engaging one of your senses or spending time with other women.

Side Note: Tapping into your feminine energy when dating is also part of what makes a man chase a woman (along with how to flirt with a guy).

No matter what painful experiences you’ve been through, try to understand what happened and why, feel the emotions so you can heal from it, it and move on to greener pastures and better men. 

Just don’t forget to carry the valuable wisdom from the lessons, so you can make more empowered decisions in the future.

Maintain Your New Mindset

Practicing mindfulness during the day will allow you to wake up and pay attention to your experience. It will pull you out of autopilot, put you back in your life.

- Dr. Charlene Richard, psychotherapist

Now that you can recognize when your unwanted mindset barriers pop up, you can divert your attention away from them and into the present moment. 

Being present and mindful is a powerful way to add more depth to your life and time to your day, and even help you find an amazing man in the real world.

Conclusion: No more "Guys don't date anymore"

It’s time to release the wounds of your past that aren’t serving you anymore and create a new story for yourself. 

neon window sign reads what's your story
Etienne Girardet/Unsplash

Here are the most common mindset barriers that also prevent great single women, like you, from attracting a quality man:

External Mindsets

Internal Mindsets

Whether the mindset is external or internal, it was put in place for a reason – to keep you safe – but it’s likely overstayed its welcome and needs to go. 

Use the Three Stages to Overcome a Negative Mindset to identify it, give it a little love, and send it on its way:

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Camille Virginia
Camille Virginia

After graduating from Santa Clara University with a degree in Marketing, I worked in the corporate consulting world for over a decade before starting my business Master Offline Dating to help singles attract love in the real world.

But my true passion (and the secret sauce to my clients' incredible results) is helping people create more meaningful in-person connections in our digitally-disconnected world.

I'm now the #1 Offline Dating Expert, an award-winning writer, and author of two best-selling books. I've also taught over 100 live workshops, reach subscribers across more than 130 countries, and have been featured in major media outlets including the Atlantic, the BBC, and USA Today,

Meet Camille

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Camille Virginia

I believe that every day presents countless opportunities to find love. I’ve made it my mission to help people to overcome their fears, unlock their innate connection skills, and attract their perfect partner in the real world. 

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