The Crucial Step Most Women Miss (+ How to Get It)
In this article, you'll discover...
- The 10 key traits of a high-value man (which may surprise you)
- How to get your life together so you can attract a man who's done the same
- The 5 acts to quickly build an amazing life so you feel more freedom and fulfillment
Table of Contents
Get your life together
If you want to know how to attract a high-value man, the first step is to create a high-value life for yourself. Quality attracts quality, which means the caliber of your life must reflect the caliber of woman you are.
Unfortunately, most people are more comfortable simply daydreaming about what they want most in life than taking action to make it a reality.
But that also means that once you start applying the tips I’ll show you in this article, you’ll instantly stand apart from them in a great way.
Falling into a habit of “all talk, no walk” – or worse, complaining without doing anything to change the circumstances – can lead to a miserable state of existence.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
It also repels quality people (including quality men) who value taking action to achieve their dreams.
People who take action to achieve their dreams want to be around other people who take action to achieve their dreams.
People who take action to achieve their dreams want to be around other people who take action to achieve their dreams.
Going a step further, building your best life not only attracts a high-value man and other quality people into it, but will also make you happier and feel more fulfilled.
And a key part of creating an amazing life is coming out from behind the screen and living your life in the real world – experiencing the colors, textures, and emotions of in-person interactions and experiences.
That’s why, as an offline dating coach, I help women date without the apps and connect with men in real life, everyday places – i.e. offline dating.
10 traits of a high-value man
Before we get into how to attract a high-value man, first we have to define what makes a high-value man. Let’s dive into the top ten traits of a quality man, so you can instantly spot the next one that comes along.
1) He takes responsibility for his decisions
Everyone has choices in life – but not everyone takes responsibility for the consequences of their choices.
Especially when you-know-what hits the fan.
Owning your decisions is an important aspect of attracting a high-value man who does the same.
Without making it a habit to take responsibility for yourself, you risk developing a victim mindset, where you convince yourself that bad things “just happen” to you and toxic people are just attracted to you.
But in not taking responsibility for the choices that led to those bad things and toxic people, you essentially give up your power to improve those situations.
If you take a step back, you’ll see that everything – and everyone – in your life can be traced back to a choice you made.
A man who has already done the inner work to realize this and take responsibility for his choices is extremely attractive.
2) He's kind - to everyone
You want a man who consistently shows kindness to you and gets true joy from making people happy.
Maybe he gives you his undivided attention, loves to treat you to dinner, or gives you genuine compliments throughout the day.
He has an abundant mindset – there is no shortage of good or kindness he can give, it’s an endless supply.
And he doesn’t do it expecting something in return; he gives it freely and everyone around him can feel his genuine spirit.
Kind men are usually looking for kind partners.
And one of my favorite ways to showcase the traits of kindness and openness to others (without even saying a word) is by learning how to be more approachable.
3) He has quality friendships
Another aspect of a high-value man is that he surrounds himself with other high-value people. As motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
A man who is surrounded by people who are also generous, honest, and contribute to the betterment of humanity is the type of man you want in your life.
Your friends can either challenge or reinforce your values.
And while you can’t exactly pick your family, you can still choose which ones you spend your time with and let influence you.
If a man always has to be the smartest guy in the room with people he feels superior to, he’s not surrounding himself with people he can learn from or grow with.
Which means he won’t be able to fully learn and grow with you, because he hasn’t cultivated that practice.
A man who has intentionally cultivated inferior relationships, whether he’s consciously aware of it or not, is a man who’s more likely threatened by other people’s perspectives – including yours.
This is a huge red flag. Just trust me on this one.
4) He truly cares about your feelings
I once dated a man who said I was unlike any other woman he’d ever met – he loved my deep insights, unique perspectives, and quirky personality. It was a beautiful compliment…
…until he then proceeded to treat me like every other woman he’d dated before me (most of which were insecure, unstable, and needed to be “managed”).
His (highly-flawed, extremely egotistical) philosophy was that if he couldn’t understand someone’s perspective or feelings, then that person was “unreasonable.”
As if he was the all-knowing King of everything and if he couldn’t grasp something, it therefore must be wrong or invalid.
Do not date a man who had this mindset. It’s seriously the worst.
People can’t control their feelings, only their behavior around those feelings. You want to attract a quality man who honors and accepts your feelings, even when he doesn’t always understand them.
5) He's a solid communicator
After decades of honing not only my own communication skills but coaching thousands of clients to enjoy the same, it’s a natural impulse for me to want to improve people’s communication skills when the opportunity arises.
I even developed a five-part formula to walk my clients through what triggers emotional attraction in men. It’s actually my secret formula for creating a meaningful connection that naturally leads to getting a guy to ask you out on a hot date.
But I realized – the hard way – that to welcome someone into my life, either as a friend or romantic partner, they need to have already developed beyond basic communication skills.
They have already done the work of learning how to be vulnerable, how to be completely honest and transparent, and how to start conversations around difficult topics instead of hiding or avoiding them.
If someone doesn’t have those skills yet but desires them, then I’m happy to take that person on as a coaching client.
But, for the people I invite into my personal life, this inner work is a pre-requisite so that we can enjoy the benefits of an openly communicative relationship right off the bat – not hold out hope that it might happen someday down the road.
It’s nearly impossible to tell if a man is a good communicator by only talking to him online, over text, or even on the phone.
That’s a huge part of why dating is so hard these days: Many people have, unfortunately, mastered how to charm you in 160 characters or less – yet aren’t able to complete a full sentence when they’re face-to-face with another person.
Dating without apps and communicating with men in real life is the only way to reveal a man’s true communication skills – and have him truly step it up for you.
Besides, when you’re in a relationship together you’re going to be talking in person – not texting each other from across the couch.
On the flip side, if you feel like you’re the one who doesn’t know how to talk to guys or approach difficult subjects, those are life-changing skills that anyone can learn with a little practice.
6) He has good self-awareness
A high-value man is one who has taken stock of his emotions and knows his own triggers, personality, weakness, and/or blind spots – and that is a very sexy man indeed.
Every human has those aspects, but most people go through life blind to them or repressing them – which only dooms them to keep repeating the same mistakes in life and attract more of what they don’t want.
You want the man who knows what he likes, what he doesn’t, and why – and can openly share those things. He also understands that not everyone will agree with him or accept him, and he’s ok with that.
A man who’s taken the time to get to know all the different sides of himself – the good, the bad, and the ugly – will make it ten times easier for his future partner.
Self-awareness and confidence are also traits that men look for in a woman they’re potentially interested in.
7) His actions match his words (i.e. he's honest)
Honesty is the foundation of every relationship – and that includes full context and total transparency. If you want to attract a high-value man, you need to make sure he’s an honest man.
My three-part process to attract the right man shows you how to find him by getting clear on the six qualities of a good boyfriend, asking questions to know his true motivations, and spotting the universal signs of a good man.
No one enjoys being lied to, yet many people somehow justify doing it to people they care about.
No one enjoys being lied to, yet many people somehow justify doing it to people they care about.
Lying is a lifestyle – the more you do it, the more comfortable you get with it, and the further away from the truth and your moral compass you will get.
Plus, liars tend to attract other liars because people who are honest don’t want anything to do with them.
That leads to entire groups of people who can’t even keep their stories straight, or perhaps even remember which one is true anymore.
You need a man who is upfront with you and makes decisions that he will be proud of in the future – not ones he has to hide from you.
And the only way to watch his actions is by experiencing him in real life – i.e. without the apps.
8) He's always reliable
Reliability, punctuality, and honesty all boil down to respecting another person’s feelings and time.
As someone with anxiety, having completely reliable and honest people in my life is a must in order for me to feel completely safe with them.
Reliability can come in the form of consistently showing up on time and communicating when plans shift at the last minute, so everyone is aware of the change and isn’t left hanging.
Having good time management skills is a must – not just for a successful relationship, but for a successful partnership and life.
Someone who can’t show up to work on time isn’t going to have that job for very long. And someone who can’t show up for their partner isn’t going to be in a relationship for very long.
9) He has purpose in his life
Knowing what makes a man chase a woman is important, but you don’t want a man to make you his sole life purpose – he needs to have his own fulfillment outside of you and your relationship.
Life purpose can be a nebulous topic to define, but essentially, it’s the way you give back to humanity in a way that completely lights you up in the process.
Before discovering my life purpose to help people create meaningful connections and starting my business to actually help people do it, I had made the men I was dating my life purpose – and it felt awful.
Your life purpose doesn’t have to be turned into a business; it could be volunteering at a local dog shelter, running marathons to raise money for diabetes, or advocating for new climate change policies.
10) He's ready for a committed relationship
I’ve attracted many high-value men into my life who were smart, kind, funny, and attractive but they simply weren’t ready for a committed relationship.
Some were focused on their career, others weren’t over a recent breakup or divorce, and one was taking care of a sick family member.
Another realized – six months into our relationship – that, um, he didn’t ever want to be married again. Thanks again, Cooper.
Even for the most amazing woman, some men just aren’t ready to commit – either right now, or perhaps ever.
You must let these men go.
They may come back to you when they are ready for a relationship, but you can’t put your life on hold and wait for that to happen.
If you’re doing the inner work to be truly ready for a relationship (and the fact that you’re reading this article shows me you are!), then you deserve a man who’s also ready for that level of commitment right now.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why don’t guys seem to want a commitment?” I’ll show you 18 ways to make him commit without pressure in those blogs.
Because if you’re ready for commitment, never – ever – settle for a man who isn’t.
"I'm too busy to date"
Back in my corporate days, I’d often work long hours.
I was very invested in the success of my manager, my team, and my company and took the time to produce quality content for them no matter how long into the evening it took me. it felt good to put my full effort in.
Those “long hours” at my salaried job now pale in comparison to the hours I’ve put into starting and running my own business.
There were some years that I was working 100-plus hour weeks – launching new programs, taking sales calls, writing books, creating new content, posting on social media, and fixing tech issues.
The list was never-ending.
Yet even with all of that going on, I still made time to date and attracted several amazing romantic relationships.
So, if you’ve ever wondered “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” quickly followed by, “Wait, do I even have time for a boyfriend? I’m too busy to date!” you’re not alone.
How you spend your time is all about how you prioritize your life. We all have the same amount of time in the day, but we don’t all spend it the same way.
Keep reading to find out where your time is actually going, so that if dating is truly a priority for you, you can carve out the time to pursue it.
Good News: Most of life is within your control
If you’re wondering how to find the time to attract a high-value man, I have great news.
You have way more control over your life than you think: the people you spend your time with, the food you eat, the job you chose, what you do in your free time, and how much sleep you get.
Life will inevitably throw curveballs at you that are seemingly out of your control – but you always have the power to decide how you react to them.
Having control means you’re able to set up your life however you want it to be. Some goals may take longer than others, but every day presents you with the chance to get one step closer to living your dream life.
Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.
This also means that you can’t blame other people for where you are in life right now. Again, holding others accountable for your life gives them the power to control it.
So, if you find yourself blaming your manager, your sister, the government, or anyone else for where you are in your life right now, it’s time to move on and take back control of your life by owning full responsibility for it.
Now, the bad news…
Bad News: Your time and energy are finite
Every day presents you with a full bank account of your time and energy currency – and, every day, you get to choose how to spend it.
There’s a myth that time is money. In fact, time is more precious than money. It’s a nonrenewable resource. Once you’ve spent it, it’s gone forever.
There are always certain daily expenses to pay, like time devoted to sleeping and eating, and mental energy devoted to work and what to make for dinner. But after those bills are paid, how to invest the rest of the currency is up to you.
Some people choose to waste hours of their free time on dating apps – living in the state of hope that their dream partner is just one more swipe away instead of taking more meaningful actions, like offline dating, to go out and meet potential partners.
Many women, myself included at one point, can also be quick to give our time and energy to constantly accommodate others at the expense of ourselves.
But, instead of blindly scheduling time in your schedule for every person who asks for it, take a step back and ask if you are getting a return on your time investment by doing that.
5 acts to attract a high-value man
Now that we’ve covered the traits of a quality man, how do you attract a high-value man into your life?
The first crucial step is to build a quality foundation of life – and I’ll walk you through exactly how to do it.
Here are the 5 Acts of Building a Quality Life that show you how to get your life together so you can start achieving your goals, living your dream life, and attracting a high-value man as quickly as possible:
- Act 1 | Assess: Reveal who and what you've been prioritizing.
- Act 2 | Accept: Take responsibility for your reality.
- Act 3 | Aspire: Dream big; then dream even bigger.
- Act 4 | Adios: Release what - and who - is no longer serving you.
- Act 5 | Align: Design your life to support your dreams.
Forewarning: as you go through each of these, avoid the common trap of “Yeah, yeah. I already know that.”
To know and not to do is not to know.
A piece of advice may seem obvious or too simple, but just because you know it doesn’t mean you’re actually doing it. So, keep an open mind as you go through and look at the tips with a fresh perspective.
Act 1 | Assess: Reveal who and what you've been prioritizing
The first act in learning how to prioritize your life is to see what you’re already making time for – much of which you may not even be aware of.
Over the years, you’ve likely changed and grown a bit – but that doesn’t mean your life has adjusted to fit your evolving self.
Maybe three years ago you were into the dance club scene and had a group of friends you hit the town with until the wee hours of the morning – and that was the only commonality that held those friendships together.
But clubs no longer interest you, so you find yourself struggling to relate to those friends yet keep meeting up with them (despite having nothing to talk about) because that’s what you did for so long.
In this first act, we need to create a benchmark of what your life is right now before getting into what you want it to be.
So what are you spending your time and energy on?
Does it lean more toward instant gratification (like bingeing Sex and The City every weekend), or taking intentional steps toward a big goal (like reading a blog about how to attract a high-value man into your life)?
Also, who are you spending your time and energy on – and what value are they adding to your life?
Do they share your values and support the life you want, or are they unsupportive of you achieving your goals?
Set aside an afternoon one weekend to dig into those questions as well as the following exercises to see where your time and energy are actually going; it will save you lots of time in the long run.
Note: There are thousands of resources on how to improve each of the aspects I’m about to dive into – but don’t worry about taking any action right now. The goal of this first act is simply to uncover which areas of your life need your attention.
Improvement Inventory
Go through the following list and rate each of the following areas from one (“I’ve completely neglected this!”) to ten (“I could teach a graduate-level course on this!”), so you can quantify where each one currently stands:
- Health (fitness, nutrition, sleep)
- Finances
- Career
- Relationships (friends, family, romantic)
- Environment (home, car, office)
- Self-Presentation
- Self-Fulfillment
Note: Anything you rated a “6” or below means it’s in need of your attention.
Bad habits don’t develop overnight, they’re typically routines (or lack thereof) we slip into slowly over time.
For example, maybe you used to hit the gym three times per week before heading to the office.
But then, you started your own business, and those workout days keep going down in number each week until finally you just stopped going.
(Guilty!)
It’s the same with people in your life who you’ve outgrown or have nothing in common with anymore.
Or the job that you loved when you first started six years ago, but no longer feel challenged or fulfilled by.
The Calendar Test
Next, let’s take a look at what you’re spending your time on by checking out your calendar (or whatever you keep track of your appointments on).
Look at what you’ve scheduled over the past month and what you have planned for the upcoming month. Note your first reaction for each scheduled event and person.
Maybe you see your friend Aja’s name scheduled for dinner this Friday.
Are you excited about that because Aja’s so much fun and always gives great advice when you ask for it?
Or do you get an “ugh” feeling when you see her name because she never asks questions about you and just complains about her stupid boyfriend?
When you schedule a coffee date with your college roommate, does she bring out the best in you and make you laugh?
Or do you revert back to the self-conscious, 18-year-old version of yourself because that’s the dynamic you two established with each other years ago?
As you’re going through your calendar, ask if each person you’re making time for is adding value to your life or holding you back by being negative or unsupportive.
Even if someone isn’t necessarily “draining” you, they are still taking up your time so see who you truly want to be spending it with.
Dream Life Distractions
Do you feel like you barely have time to brush your teeth, let alone attract a quality man into your life?
If you want to know where most of your free time is going, look no further than that little device that’s likely sitting next to you right now.
These seemingly tiny distractions, like checking your smartphone 452 times a day, is like death by 1,000 cuts – all those little phone pings add up much more than you realize.
There's a war for your attention, and it's relentless. If you don't stand guard and police your own consciousness, you'll become a casualty. The modern-day strategy to win is to ignore.
A recent study shows Americans spend an average of five to six hours on their smartphone every day. That’s up to 42 hours per week, which is more than a full-time job!
Part of living a quality life is reducing the number of distractions that take up your time and distract you from your major life goals.
So, make a list of everything you subscribe to and/or that pops up on your phone on a consistent basis.
Every catalog, newspaper, magazine, subscription delivery box, social media platform, app alert, notification, email list, everything. You need the full picture here.
You’re going to be blown away by how much time you’re spending managing the elective subscriptions and technology in your life.
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Share it to spark a conversation and connect with your followers…
Bonus: Look at who you’re following on social media and unfollow (or even unfriend) people who you don’t know or who don’t bring you joy with their posts or their personality.
This exercise combined with The Calendar Test has the power to free up 10+ hours every week once you put it into action (I’ll show you how in the next few acts).
Act 2 | Accept: Take responsibility for your reality
You have to acknowledge that continuing to live a life you’re not truly aligned with has become your 'junk food' of choice: innocent and pleasurable in the short term, yet terrible for you in the long term.
The second act in prioritizing your life (and attracting a high-value man in the process) is to own your choices that have created the life you’re living right now.
Look over your assessment lists. See where your time and energy have been going, what you’ve been neglecting, and what isn’t bringing you joy. Truly, sit with all of that for a moment.
You designed your life exactly as it is right now – which also means you have the power to redesign it to how you want it to be.
You designed your life exactly as it is right now – which also means you have the power to redesign it to how you want it to be.
No one else is responsible for your life or your happiness. By taking responsibility for your choices, you acknowledge that you have the power to change them.
You got yourself here, which means you can get yourself there.
Act 3 | Aspire: Dream big - then dream even bigger
The next act in getting your life together is to start imagining what you want it to actually look like.
Go through each of the major life aspects that you rated on a scale of 1-10 and write down a few sentences describing how that aspect would be in your ideal world.
Until you are able to see yourself living the life that you truly want, it will be difficult for you to create it.
What and who do you actually want to see on your calendar?
Do you want lots of unplanned time for spontaneous spur-of-the-moment decisions and last-minute invites?
Or perhaps your favorite yoga class is locked in three times a week, so other priorities can be scheduled around it?
Start to imagine how you want your new life to feel too.
Maybe you’d like a job that actually fulfills you and has decent hours, where you wake up actually excited to go to work and feel valued by your manager.
Perhaps you’d like to travel internationally twice a year or want more time to train for a marathon.
Dream big, no holding back.
Act 4 | Adios: Release what - and who - is no longer serving you
Keep only those things that speak to your heart. Then take the plunge and discard all the rest. By doing this, you can reset your life and embark on a new lifestyle.
The next act in attracting a high-value man by creating a high-quality life is to bid adieu to the stuff and people that aren’t supporting your goals – i.e. downsizing your commitments so you can upgrade your life.
Tone Down Your Tech
Get out your list of subscriptions from the “Assess” act.
Look at each item and delete, unsubscribe, block, or turn off as many of those alerts and distractions as possible – keep only the ones that bring you joy.
Cross them off the list as you go, it will bring a sense of accomplishment.
If you subscribe to multiple email lists but only actually read a select few, unsubscribe from all the ones that you don’t need and/or don’t make you smile when you see them in your inbox.
If the news is constantly depressing you, stop watching it as often and turn off your news alert app notifications.
It’s one thing to be informed about what’s going on in the world on your own time; it’s another to allow your focus and mood to be at the mercy of push notifications from a company that just wants your attention.
This exercise will be a big overhaul but I recommend doing it every six months or so. Also question everything before you elect to sign up for it or allow it to start pinging you.
Bonus: If you’ve ever wondered why guys don’t approach you, try toning down your tech by putting your phone away while out in public.
This will help attract a man to you by removing the barrier of looking at a screen, which many people are hesitant to interrupt.
Watch What You Watch
Going even deeper than alerts and subscriptions, be selective of the entertainment you consume; it is absolutely influencing you, your values, and the lens through which you view your life, people, and the world.
Look at the influencers you follow, the shows you watch, the books you read, and the music you listen to. They are shaping you every time you let them into your life, even for just a few seconds.
Obsessed with the Kardashian clan and follow them religiously on Instagram?
Well, I hope their core values (whatever they may be) align with yours, because they’re absolutely influencing you on that level.
Are you into documentaries about World War II humanitarians?
Those are rubbing off on you too, and likely in a much better way than Kim and co.
I’m not saying to put yourself in an echo chamber of political and cultural resources that only support your current perspective.
Try to choose books, movies, shows, and media outlets that fuel your growth, push your boundaries, and challenge your beliefs so that you’re always open to learning a new perspective.
Curate Your Calendar
Another aspect of attracting a high-quality man is by protecting your time like the precious, irreplaceable resource that it is.
Get your calendar back out and look ahead at the next two months; which people and events do you have scheduled that don’t bring you joy?
Unless there’s a commitment that you absolutely must attend, like a work trip or doctor’s appointment, if an event or person doesn’t make you happy you should cancel it.
After college, I went through a breakup with a boyfriend which was completely devastating.
In the months afterward, I wanted to stay as busy as possible so I didn’t have time to wallow in the pain.
That led me to fill up every night of the week with an event or a person – Toastmasters, hiking, the Junior Chamber of Commerce, happy hours with different girlfriends, etc.
But once I’d healed from the heartbreak, I needed to take back my time and focus on quality over quantity.
I stopped doing most of those “filler” activities that had been fun at the time but weren’t actually progressing me toward my longer-term goals or deeper friendships.
Look at your calendar and see who and what you may be scheduling out of habit, or because they happened to ask for your time, then choose whether you really want to spend it on them.
Purge Your Phone
Another hack to keep your day-to-day focus on joy and growth is to go through your phone and remove anyone who doesn’t bring up good memories (unless you truly need to have them in there).
I do a phone purge about twice a year – and always after a relationship ends, even if we remain friends.
I don’t want to see the name of my recent ex when I go into my Contacts to make a call. It’s an instant mood killer when that rush of painful or sad memories comes flooding in.
Plus, I don’t even want that energy of his name in the device I carry around with me all day every day. So, I take him out of my Contacts list and put him in a spreadsheet. See ya!
Train People How to Treat You
A big part of attracting a high-value man is surrounding yourself with quality people who treat you well.
Being selective about the people you invite into your life yourself isn’t just important for achieving your dream life, also it’s great practice for finding your future partner.
The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.
Once you have a shortlist of people in your life who may not be supporting you and your goals (or worse, they’re actively preventing you from those goals), it’s time to release the people you’ve outgrown who are no longer aligned with your values.
Get Your Home in Order
As we covered in my previous article, “Why is Life So Hard? 10 Sneaky (But Fixable) Reasons You’re Unhappy” having your home clean and organized is crucial to creating a sense of calm in your life.
Physical surroundings influence spiritual happiness.
This is also essential to making other people, including a man you may be inviting into your life, feel comfortable and welcome coming into it.
If your home is in chaos, it’s impossible for your mind – and life – to not be in that same overwhelming state.
If your home is in chaos, it's impossible for your mind - and life - to not be in that same overwhelming state.
When you wake up in the morning and look around your room, how do you feel?
When you walk in your front door after a long day at work, do you feel relaxed and comforted – or even more stressed at seeing all the half-finished projects lying around?
Clean up your messes and, while you’re at it, ditch as much stuff as possible that reminds you of painful past relationships, bad times in your life, etc – like I did one day…
Even maple syrup can be a painful reminder of that guy who said he wanted to make pancakes for you every morning for the rest of your lives…
…up until he announced a move across the country to open his own liquor store. And you weren’t invited.
Bah-bye, boys – and “Thnks fr th Mmrs.”
As my friend Natalia put it, “Keeping too much stuff from the past pulls you out of the present moment.”
Well said, Natalia.
Act 5 | Align: Design your life to support your dreams
In the final act of attracting a high-value man into your high-value life, we’ll plan out exactly how to achieve your dream life.
When you align your dreams and desires with your day-to-day actions, magical things start to happen.
A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.
There is no feeling that replicates the satisfaction of going for and achieving what you want most. Surface-level, instant gratifications don’t even come close.
Ask yourself: what small steps can you take in each area of your life to begin making changes in it?
A great life is created and built one step at a time.
Here are two ways to start stepping right now…
Find Leverage + Accountability
One way to start attracting a quality man (and creating your quality life) is by using deadlines as a motivation.
For example, about a year into teaching offline dating workshops as a side hustle to my corporate consulting career, I knew I wanted to go full-time with my business.
I decided to wait six more months before quitting the corporate world in an attempt to get my business in a place where I was bringing in enough income to replace my consulting salary.
But a few weeks after making the decision, I had an unfortunate misunderstanding with a coworker, and – despite my best efforts to resolve it – she stopped talking to me.
Let me say that spending five days a week in a tiny, shared space office with someone who won’t even acknowledge you is a miserable experience. Especially for someone sensitive to emotions, like me.
So, instead of “sticking it out” or talking to my manager about transferring spaces (I’d still have to work on projects with her), I leveraged that situation as motivation to quit my corporate job and go full-time with my business the following month.
You don’t need a toxic situation or a big overhaul to motivate you.
Maybe you pre-pay $300 for cooking classes and investing at that level was the motivation you needed to finally learn how to make homemade pasta.
Or you value your commitments and hate letting people down, so you find a workout partner who’s depending on you to show up at the gym at 7:00AM three days a week.
Look for circumstances already around you to leverage yourself and to give you the inspiration to achieve your goals – or simply create your own opportunities to do so.
Visualize the Next Step
Many professional athletes use visualization to think through a practice session or win a big race which plants the seed of success before actually taking the action.
Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions
I like to apply the same technique to big projects I’m tackling to ensure I’m thinking through every aspect and envision myself accomplishing the task.
I’ll usually do this lying in bed just before I fall asleep. I think ahead to the next day: After I wake up and go through my morning routine, what’s my next step?
And as I’m going through that, what are some obstacles I might encounter?
How does this aspect tie into the bigger picture of what I’m trying to accomplish?
Do I need to have anything else done or set up in order to be able to accomplish that step?
Visualizing the next step gets you excited about how you’ll accomplish the task (and attract a high-value man in the process) as well as the feelings associated with working toward it and achieving it.
Change one, change all
The great news is that once you start getting one area of your life in order, the results and momentum from that will quickly flow to other areas of your life.
Life is like a Kaleidoscope; one small shift can change the entire picture.
For example, if you haven’t discovered your passions (an aspect that men want in a partner) or surround yourself with friends who truly accept you, you might seek that need for fulfillment from your career instead.
That might lead you to bury yourself in your job by taking on too many projects, which leaves you overwhelmed, underpaid, and with little free time for fun.
You then try to get some free time back by cutting back on going to the gym and developing a GrubHub addiction, which negatively affects your fitness and nutritional health.
But by taking time to assess how you got to this current state, you can make a decision to change it.
Maybe you delegate or turn away a few of your work projects, which frees up time to go to the gym and cook healthier meals.
Doing that, in turn, helps you feel better and more empowered to go out and make new friends, which gives you the sense of fulfillment you’ve been craving instead looking to your job to provide it.
Don't wait for a "10"
Attracting a high-value man into your life doesn’t mean you need “the perfect life” – because nothing is ever going to be perfect.
Just start taking action on improving the areas of your life that you discovered need a little attention then celebrate your progress along the way.
Even just taking the first step to making improvements will feel good and show others you value yourself.
No matter how far along you are on your own path, don't wait to ‘have it all’ to celebrate. You're never going to figure it all out. Make being happy your business, all along the way.
For example, imagine you’re on a date with a guy who says he hates his job, and you ask what he’s doing to improve the situation.
If he says, “I’m actively looking for a new one and have three interviews lined up next week,” that is much more attractive than if he were to say, “Well, it has good health benefits, so I’ll just keep slogging it out.”
Life is a journey with never-ending growth opportunities, so no need to wait until your home is 100% organized or you finally get that new job to meet your Mr. Right.
Just start taking actionable steps toward achieving the things you want, and you’ve already increased your chances of attracting a high-value man who’s doing the same.
Conclusion: How to prioritize your life
Before you can discover how to attract a high-value man, you have to define what a high-value man is.
Here are the ten key traits every high-value man should possess:
- He takes responsibility for his decisions
- He is kind to everyone
- He has quality friendships
- He truly cares about your feelings
- He's a solid communicator
- He has good self-awareness
- His actions match words - i.e. he's honest
- He's always reliable
- He has purpose in his life
- boy
Next, you have to build your quality life so you can attract a quality man who’s done the same. Start by prioritizing your life by using the 5 Acts of Building a Quality Life to take ownership of your life right now:
- Act 1 | Assess: Reveal who and what you've been prioritizing.
- Act 2 | Accept: Take responsibility for your reality.
- Act 3 | Aspire: Dream big; then dream even bigger.
- Act 4 | Adios: Release what - and who - is no longer serving you.
- Act 5 | Align: Design your life to support your dreams.
Reminder: Your current situation is a result of choices you’ve made in the past – which means this state of unhappiness is temporary…
…as long as you start taking action to understand what got you here and the steps required to improve the situation.
Go through the five acts to create your amazing new life by identifying your priorities and building your daily tasks around them.
Only then can you make the necessary changes to start getting what you want – and attract a high-value man in the process.
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