How to Be Approachable (without saying a word)

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After being approached by hundreds of men in the real world (i.e. without apps), I’ve discovered proven secrets behind how to be approachable. 

In this article, I’ll reveal my top 17 tips to help attract any man to you like a magnet – without saying a word.

Mastering the art of approachability puts you into a State of Magnetic Approachability that naturally pulls great men toward you. 

So, even if you don’t know how to talk to guys yet, you’ll be able to use these approachability tips with ease.

Humans are social creatures, which means we intrinsically feel fulfilled by being around other humans. 

That’s one reason why modern dating feels so hard: with so many people swiping from behind a screen, they’re missing out on everyday opportunities to meet quality partners in the real world. 

You need to create a safe space for interactions to occur – in the real world, not online – using natural cues and authentic techniques that magnetically attract the right man to you.

Offline dating – i.e. meeting a man in real life, without the apps – has an edge over the apps. 

But before we dive into how to be approachable…

What makes a man approach a woman?

Wondering why guys don’t approach you is a common lament I hear from my single female clients. And to be fair, we weren’t exactly taught dating or social skills in school. 

So, what makes a man approach a woman? You need to lower his fear of rejection by becoming approachable.

white woman looking back at man knows what makes a man approach a woman
Eldar Nurkovic/Unsplash

But what exactly does “approachability” mean? 

Here’s my definition…

Approachability is creating a safe space for others to engage with you by removing barriers and lowering their perceived risk of rejection.

Approachability is creating a safe space for others to engage with you by
removing barriers and lowering their perceived risk of rejection.

When you’re truly comfortable with yourself and your surroundings, people are naturally drawn to you. The higher your approachability factor, the more comfortable people will feel around you. 

And it’s all done by sending out just a few subtle but powerful signals to help you get into what I call a State of Magnetic Approachability. 

Growing up, I suffered from social anxiety, so I can empathize with anyone who feels uncomfortable when out in public – especially women, as we have a lot more to worry about (i.e. physical safety) than men do.

But ironically, when you can find ways to relax and tune in to what’s happening around you from a curious mindset (as opposed to a defensive one), it makes you aware of your surroundings in a way that doesn’t feel stressful. 

This can make you feel comfortable, which is a key tip for how to be approachable. Because when you feel comfortable, you look comfortable.

A good man doesn’t need to break down or scale your wall.
He’s just going to look for a warm, inviting, open door.

Simple ways to get into a State of Magnetic Approachability include… 

I’ll dive into each of those aspects and how to do them, coming up in this article.

How to be approachable: The 3 Pillars of Approachability

In this article, we’ll cover how to be approachable using the three pillars of approachability…

Pillar 1: How to look more attractive to men (8 ways)

Being approachable starts before you step foot out your front door. 

Whether it’s fair or not, people will make instantaneous assumptions about you based on your appearance. As journalist Ginny Graves put it…

We humans are walking billboards for who we are. Everything about your appearance – height, weight, body language, clothing – conveys data about your socioeconomical background, education level, health, and even grooming habits, all of which are critical fodder for the brain’s attraction algorithm.

So, one of the best ways to be more approachable and give a first impression that you’re proud of is by sporting an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks.

Clothes help you express your personality, interests, values, and passions before you even open your mouth. 

They also provide an easy and instant conversation starter for men who are dying to talk to you but who may not know what to say in the moment.

The best gifts you have to offer someone are invisible: your mind, heart, soul, and personality.

And because we live in a visual society (looking at you, Insta) it makes it easier to attract the right people when you visually represent those aspects in what you wear.

The best gifts you have to offer someone are invisible: your mind, heart, soul, and personality. So, visually showcase them in what you wear to attract the right people.

Enclothed cognition” is a term coined by Dr. Adam Galinsky, a professor at Chicago’s Northwestern University, which describes how what you wear affects how you behave. 

Or, as elite athletic coach and author Todd Herman describes it: “Putting on stuff that makes you feel like a badass, makes you behave like a badass.”

Plus, let’s be honest, people tend to be attracted to others who put a little effort into their appearance. 

I mean, which man would you feel more drawn to: A guy in a grubby, pit-stained Hanes t-shirt or a man in a crisp, fitted button-down shirt?

As I like to say: change your clothes, change your energy.

What one wears on the outside affects how they feel on the inside.

Men are visual creatures, so one of the key aspects that makes a man approach a woman is when he’s able to comment on something you’re wearing. 

Think about it from his perspective: You catch his eye, and he has just a few seconds to get your attention before you’re on your way and he never sees you again. 

When you know how to be approachable using your clothes, you can give him an easy way to instantly jump on that opportunity.

Men often have a fear of being creepy, so clothes are also a safe topic for them to open a conversation with. 

So, don’t be shy about using your clothing as an attraction tool to boost your confidence, help you stand out from the crowd, and give a man an easy excuse to approach you.

The best meeting and dating attire are outfits that are comfortable, make you feel confident, and stand out from the crowd in a unique way. 

Don’t swap comfort for style, like that pair of sexy heels that are strangling your feet with every step. 

You’ll be walking as awkwardly as a newborn baby deer by the end of the night, and you won’t be able to focus on chatting up that cute guy at the bar because all you can think about are how much your feet hurt. 

Instead, swap out those killer shoes for a pair of comfy ballet flats or kitten heels.

Approachable clothing also doesn’t resemble work attire. There’s a feeling of freshness and empowerment when you change up your wardrobe after work before heading out to a social event or a date. 

It helps leave the energy of the office behind and starts off your new adventure on a different and more fun personal note.

1) Boost your confidence

An instant way to become more approachable, start by wearing something you feel proud of. 

Overall, your clothes tend to be either a confidence booster or a confidence barrier. 

Wearing an outfit that makes you feel great naturally spreads confidence to other parts of you, such as how you carry yourself and your conversation skills.

Back when I used to teach live workshops, one of my students emailed me a few weeks later to share that she’d found an amazing boyfriend by using my approachability tips. 

When I asked which of my techniques had been most instrumental in attracting him, she said…

I focused on putting more effort into my appearance. I was getting lazy unless I was going out for some reason. An additional benefit to focusing on this has been I’ve felt more confident and happier in general. When you look good, you feel good.

As you’re planning out your day, choose an outfit that feels comfortable but also makes you confident. 

For example, if you’re going to the gym and then running errands afterward, bring a makeup bag and a change of clothes with you. 

Then you won’t feel self-conscious about your sweaty t-shirt when that cute guy in the grocery store checkout line compliments your pink Nike cross trainers.

Because even if you aren’t aware of it, your external appearance tends to be a reflection of your internal emotions.

Your external appearance tends to be a reflection of your internal emotions.

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2) Harness the power of another persona

There’s power in leading with a side of yourself that you don’t typically show other people which can help you be more approachable. 

And bringing that secret side to the surface can be as simple as changing up your wardrobe. 

Todd Herman shares how he did this with a simple pair of glasses. When he was first starting out as a coach, part of him felt too young and inexperienced to be taken seriously. 

So, he took a fashion cue from Superman and donned a pair of non-prescription glasses, even though he didn’t actually need them to see. 

That prop was the perfect trigger to tap into his confident alter-ego that helped him achieve his goals and – more importantly – feel worthy of them.

todd herman in blue suit with glasses and without glasses
Todd Herman

This alter-ego phenomenon can help sidestep your insecurities and show people a part of you they may not have known about. 

Your inner hero isn’t there to change who you are at your core. It’s there to unlock the capability that’s always been inside of you.

Different clothes, different environments, and different people all bring out different sides of your personality, and it can be fun to explore and showcase each of them.

Wearing something new or different – even a friend’s sweater you borrowed for the evening – can lower your inhibition because it makes situations feel less personal. 

It’s like dressing up in a Halloween costume, which allows you to be a little bolder with your words and actions because you’re literally wearing a mask or playing a role that isn’t your “real” self. 

So, any negative reaction from another person isn’t taken as personally.

When I first started teaching workshops and coaching clients, I was nervous about presenting my new material to people. 

So, I wore glasses to give myself an extra feeling of security and bring out my “teaching” persona. It just helped me feel more grounded (and more approachable) for my students.

3) Show respect for yourself and others

Putting a little effort into your appearance is also a key way to become more approachable. It shows that you value yourself and care about the impression you’re making on other people. 

If you look like you care, I’m going to show you that I care.

Respect for oneself is also one of the ten traits of a high-quality man.

My friend who’s a flight attendant said she is more likely to give freebies to people who are dressed nicely because it shows respect for themselves and others.

You tend to get treated with the same amount of thought and care that you put into your appearance.

You tend to get treated with the same amount of thought and care
that you put into your appearance.

This phenomenon of being treated according to how you’re dressed may not be “fair,” but it is what it is. 

So why not use it to your advantage, as opposed to fighting an uphill battle against human nature?

4) Make a (silent) personal statement

Your clothes are almost always the first impression you give someone – which is great news because you have the power to choose what that impression is. 

If you want to be approachable and look more attractive to men, simply start by showcasing your fabulous and unique personality!

black woman smiling in purple lipstick and purple nail polish looking attractive to men
Eye For Ebony/Unsplash

Use your outfits and accessories to express your mood, interests, or passions. 

If you make your own earrings or have a love of trucker hats, show that off. Then, when someone compliments or comments on that piece, the interaction becomes even more personal and kicks off on a topic you love.

Dressing well won’t replace qualities like intelligence, kindness, or sense of humor; but it might help communicate those qualities very powerfully.

Other “personal statement pieces” include piercings, tattoos, a bright nail polish color, or anything that shows off your personality and gives a guy an instant item to comment on.

You can also sport a unique pattern or color. Years ago, I heard someone say, “Dudes love red.” I like the power of that simple statement. 

The color you wear doesn’t have to be red, it could be any shade you adore that stands out from the sea of black, white, brown, and grey that most people tend to default to. 

Try green, blue, yellow, purple, orange, or – my personal favorite – gold.

You want people to see you and wonder, “Who’s that woman in the bright red coat?” or “What a beautiful green scarf!” 

No one’s going to say, “Who’s that in black?”

5) Attract like-minded people

In addition to helping you be approachable, dressing for confidence and a conversation also attracts like-minded people to you. 

One of the key aspects of what men look for in a woman is being passionate about something. Anything. 

When you’re passionate about a cause or idea – whether it’s galactic astronomy or your Maasai heritage – you can use it to deepen a conversation and create emotional attraction in a man. And get him to ask you out.

Dress for a party every day and the party will come to you.

So, sport a bag from your charity of choice or a shirt from a local music festival to give men easy personal icebreaker topics to engage you with. The more unique the clothing and accessories you wear, the better. 

My client, Jody, is a professor who taught in upstate New York before moving to a university in California. 

One day at her new gym she was wearing her “FLX” shirt, which referred to the Finger Lakes region near her former school. 

A man came up to her and asked about it, and they ended up chatting for twenty minutes. 

That shirt may have been common back in New York, but it was a rarity in California, so it created the perfect excuse for him to engage her.

Being able to attract like-minded people not only helps you be more approachable, but it can also help you know when you meet the right man who shares your interests and values. 

It’s one aspect of my three-part process of attracting the right man into your life:

6) Mismatch your environment

white woman climbing rock in wedding dress
Dylan Siebel/Unsplash

Growing up in Portland, Oregon in the ’90s meant I was raised on alternative music; my favorite band is Stone Temple Pilots. 

Back in those days, I used to go to concerts and, even as a teenager, felt the need to stand out from the crowd – literally.

While twenty-thousand other people were wearing a graphic t-shirt of the band, I would wear cute little lacy tops and dangly earrings (just in case the late great Scott Weiland happened to look my way).

7) Leave that name tag on

Another way to stand out and be more approachable is to purposefully leave a name tag on after an event. 

I did this accidentally a few times after events before I started to notice that men were using it as an excuse to approach me.

After I started purposefully doing it, it was fun to watch the men who thought they were so clever saying, “Hi Camille!” to me, a stranger, and thinking they’d caught me off-guard. 

Little did they know I was fully aware of what was happening.

8) Dress up a step up

An easy way to look more attractive to men is by simply elevating your outfit one step above everyone else’s. This is especially easy to do as society continues to trend toward casual. 

In my corporate days, sometimes I’d walk around downtown Chicago on my lunch break, wearing my work clothes such as a pencil skirt and gold ballet flats.

These were a stark contrast to all the tourists sporting ripped jeans and sneakers.

No need to save your favorite red dress for a ”special occasion” – that means you might only wear it, what, twice a year? 

Throw it on the next time you head to the modern art museum. 

Permission granted to dress fancy for no particular reason. 

Permission granted to dress fancy for no particular reason.

For example, before coming to visit me one weekend, my friend Julia sent me this text message and I loved her idea…

text from julie to camille virginia asking to wear fancy dresses

We hit the town that night in our fancy dresses and had men coming up to us all evening – one even asked to take us both to dinner.

julie and camille virginia in fancy long dresses looking attractive for men

Pillar 2: How to get a guy's attention (in 2 quick moves)

Learning how to be approachable also means being aware of your surroundings and placing yourself in the right spot. 

These two simple moves make it easier to casually strike up a conversation with a man who catches your eye. Let’s walk through how to do both…

1) Case the Joint

Every time you step into a new environment (e.g. lobby, train, bus, patio), pause for a moment and do a quick scan of the place. 

This move creates the perfect opportunity to show people you’ve arrived and plant the seed for them to wonder, “Hmmm who’s that?”

Here are four ways to become more approachable by getting a guy’s attention and owning a room the moment you step into it:

Doing the scan also gives you the chance to lock eyes with the single men in the room, which helps create a safe space for him to approach you. 

Again, men have a fear of being creepy which prevents many of them from approaching women they’d otherwise love to engage with. 

So by locking eyes and creating a split-second mutual acknowledgment of each other, especially paired with a smile, you lower that fear for him.

How do you spot single men? 

Simple: They’re the ones who tend to be looking around the room. 

It’s in the single man’s nature to be constantly surveying and “on the hunt,” whether he’s consciously aware of it or not. 

When I’m people-watching, I can usually spot the single men (or ones who wish they were single) based on their reaction – or lack thereof – when an attractive woman enters the scene.

Scanning your new environment also gives you the chance to assess compatibility with men in the room. 

If a man is dressed in a suit, he likely has a job or is at least interviewing for one. 

If he’s smoking, and that’s a deal-breaker for you, you know that in case you end up connecting with him later.

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Be prepared, not scared

Another benefit of scanning a place upon entry is that it’s great for safety and awareness purposes, by helping you avoid getting caught off-guard. 

Or, as I like to say, “Be prepared, not scared.” It’s also been shown that making eye contact with a would-be attacker makes him less likely to target you because he knows you can now identify him.

Use your peripheral powers

A great way to get a guy’s attention and be more approachable (and become more socially aware in general) is by using your peripheral vision.

You already use your peripheral powers when driving, since you can’t focus exclusively on the road ahead.

You need to be aware of that big semi-truck on your left, if the light is about to change, or if that car behind you has sirens on top of it. 

Off the road, you can use these powers as an approachability tool to become aware of who and what is around you.

An odd example of using my peripheral vision was in line at a café when I noticed out of the corner of my eye the woman behind the cash register made a strange movement. 

At first, I thought she was drunk. But a few seconds later she had a seizure (she ended up being ok). 

That strange movement was likely a precursor to it, and I caught it because I was simply aware of my surroundings and knew the way she had moved didn’t look normal.

2) Scout Your Spot

The second aspect to instantly getting a guy’s attention and being more approachable is to pick a good spot that’s not too close but not too far from a man who catches your eye.

white woman in glasses sipping coffee wanting to get a guys attention
Caleb George/Unsplash

And unlike online dating, when you’re at the mercy of the app algorithms, offline dating gives you full control of who sees you and where you choose to place yourself relative to them.

When you walk into a new place and have the choice between a few different spots (like seats at a bar, on a bus, or in a lobby), take a moment to select a good one. 

After doing the scan and noticing a man seated alone who looks interesting, choose the spot a few seats away from him so that you’re within earshot of each other. 

Or, heck, sit down next to him! 

Don’t expect a man to walk across the room and approach you, because odds are most men are too terrified to do that. I certainly would be.

Making it easy for a man to engage you can be as simple as putting yourself within close proximity of him.

Making it easy for a man to engage you can be as simple as
putting yourself within close proximity of him.

Choosing the right spot can be the difference between meeting an amazing man you spend the rest of your life with and meeting absolutely no one that night. So, take an extra second to choose wisely.

To feel comfortable in the moment of scouting your spot, pretend like you’re looking for someone, so you don’t feel pressured to just grab any seat. 

If you simply go for the first seat available, it may be too late when you notice the empty chair next to a cute guy who’s sitting alone.

For example, one night I was meeting a few girlfriends at an Italian restaurant for dinner and, taking my own advice, I arrived twenty minutes early to see if I could meet someone new. 

When I walked into the bar, I did a quick scan and saw there were only two seats available.

One seat was just a few feet away next to a man and a woman who were totally absorbed in each other.

The other seat was at the opposite end of the bar between two men who were clearly both there by themselves. 

Which one do you think I chose? 

The one in between the men, obvi.

I sat down, ordered a glass of wine, kept my phone in my purse (another key approachability tip), and enjoyed a quiet moment to myself. 

Sure enough, within a few seconds, the man on my right started talking to me, using the topic of construction at the park across the street as his icebreaker.

Pillar 3: How to attract a man like a magnet (7 tips)

Now that you know what makes a man approach a woman, how to look more attractive to men, and how to get a guy’s attention, let’s move on to the final Pillar of Approachability: How to attract a man like a magnet.

This one is all about how to send out the right signals to a guy to encourage him to engage you. 

1) Keep a headphone out

I love listening to my favorite Pandora station while out and about, it adds a wonderful soundtrack to my surroundings. But headphones can also create an engagement barrier.

That Walkman; it makes you very unapproachable.

So skip them once in a while or keep one out to see what serendipitous opportunities start opening up.

2) Body language basics

When you feel comfortable and relaxed, it naturally makes the people around you feel comfortable which means they’re more likely to approach you.

If you’re holding tension in your shoulders after an intense workout or getting annoyed at that loud group of teenagers that just walked onto the subway, other people will sense your uneasiness.

A general rule of body language: If you feel uncomfortable, you look uncomfortable.

A general rule of body language:
If you feel uncomfortable, you look uncomfortable.

Most people aren’t consciously thinking, “That woman looks unapproachable.” But they may not feel safe engaging someone who is clearly not at ease with themselves or the situation. 

So if you want to know how to become approachable, take a deep breath and relax your body just a bit.

For visual examples of this phenomenon, go to any stock photo website (e.g. ShutterstockiStock Photo, and search the term “couples in love.” Unsplash tends to have higher quality more realistic ones.

About three out of every five pictures are two people doing something no real couple would ever do (e.g. forming a heart with their hands for the camera or having a picnic in the middle of the road).

Or. they’re clearly forcing a moment by pretending to like each other even though their body language and facial expressions say the opposite. 

Some of the really awkward ones will make you feel uncomfortable just looking at them.

black man and black woman in striped shirts awkwardly kissing

Now that you know the importance of being comfortable in any environment, here are four ways to instantly be approachable with your body language…

i. Imaginary Party Trick

No matter where you are and who you’re surrounded by, pretend like you’re hosting a party in your home for your closest friends. 

Imagine you personally invited every stranger around you, which will help you drop your guard, ease into the moment, and be in the same relaxed state you are at home. 

You can also use this same concept to confidently talk to guys by casually speaking to them the same way you would a close friend.

ii. Mental body scan

Close your eyes and mentally scan your body to locate where you might be holding any tension. 

Start with your feet, then slowly move up to your ankles, your calves, your knees, and beyond, intentionally relaxing each part as you go. 

You may not know you have an instinctive need to protect your neck (there are some vital arteries in there) and that subconscious reflex can easily lead to tension and tightness in that area in an effort to guard it. 

If you feel yourself tensing up, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and comfortably settle into your position with a little shimmy. It’s a fun, and relaxing, way to instantly be more approachable.

iii. Open yourself up to the world

If you’re seated, go a step further than relaxing your muscles by spreading your arms out on both sides, away from your body, while physically opening yourself up. 

Taking up space in this way also makes you look and feel extremely confident.

I used this “open up” technique to get asked out by a man on a train ride home one night – ironically after teaching a dating workshop called MANifesting. 

The train was almost empty, so when a cute guy got on and sat a few seats away, I draped my left arm over the back of the seat next to me in his direction, to give off an “I’m open to engaging” vibe.

Sure enough, he got the cue and a few seconds later he leaned over to say, “I like your jacket,” and we started chatting. 

Unfortunately, he completely missed the other cues that my station was coming up, even when I got up and stood by the exit door. 

So as the doors opened and I slowly started leaving, he was completely caught off-guard and quickly yelled his email address to me so we could continue our conversation. 

Luckily, I have a decent memory and was able to quickly write it down.

iv. Secretly synchronize

A subtle way to get a guy’s attention and become more approachable is to mirror his body language and/or purposefully position yourself toward him. 

For instance, if a man is sitting next to you in a waiting room, cross your legs in his direction. 

If he’s sitting across from you on the bus, hold yourself in a similar stance as his, such as an arm draped across your body in the same way. 

Obviously don’t mimic everything he does (creepy!), but observe how he’s moving and then put your own spin on it as a subtle way to get his attention and make him feel comfortable – even if he doesn’t know why.

3) Flash a sexy glance

Eye contact is one of the quickest ways to create an intimate moment and instantly attract a man to you. 

There’s something about looking into another person’s eyes, sharing the experience of being fully seen by them, which is incredibly sexy.

If you’re wondering, “I’m such a catch, why don’t I have a boyfriend?” you might be interested in a study by social scientist Dr. Arthur Aron, who discovered an approach to help two people fall in love almost instantly. 

Four minutes of eye contact brings people closer to each other
better than everything else.

A key piece of that study was having each pair stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes without saying anything.

I did the four-minute stare experiment at a conference with my friend, Caitlin. We were both comfortable with eye contact, and with each other, so we actually enjoyed it once we settled into it.

caitlin and camille virginia staring at each other being approachable

Don’t worry, there’s no need to master the four-minute stare in order to use eye contact as an attraction tool. 

I remember from my shy days that even a split second of meeting a man’s gaze can feel very scary. Especially if it’s a guy you’re attracted to.

But after practicing over the years, I’ve now become almost too comfortable with eye contact and need to remember to break my gaze once in a while, so I don’t creep out the other person.

4) Prevent Resting Bitch Face

It’s easy to get lost in your thoughts, which inherently default to negative (“Why does life feel so hard sometimes?”) as an ancient instinct that kept humans aware of potential danger. 

Negative thoughts include false generalizations about men (“Guys don’t date anymore!” or “What’s wrong with guys today?”).

Or be about yourself in relation to men (“Why don’t guys like me?”, “Why don’t guys ask me out?” or “Why don’t men want commitment?). 

Downer scripts like those often get channeled into not-so-friendly facial expressions and can turn off high-value men, even from across the room. 

Men may not know exactly why they don’t want to approach you; they just know they don’t feel comfortable doing so.

Smiling is one of the best (and easiest!) moves to instantly raise your approachability factor and attract a man by instantly showing you’re open to engaging. Smiling paired with eye contact is even more powerful.

If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams,
and you will always look lovely.

Plus, the act of smiling has been proven to put you in a better mood

Engaging your mouth muscles that form a smile triggers “muscle memory” and causes you to feel the same emotions associated with a natural, unplanned smile. 

Try these two techniques to master the flash of your pearly whites…

i. The Secret Smile

The Secret Smile is simply a smile that comes from your inner confidence or knowing – like, “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know what I’m so smiley about?” 

The secret you’re smiling about could simply be that you’re doing The Secret Smile to be approachable.

The next time you’re out and about, think of something that makes you happy, such as a great catch-up session with a friend or getting a text from that cute guy you met at last night’s charity ball. 

Channel that joy and gratitude into a nice, big, genuine smile for all to see.

ii. Become a Mouth Breather

If you’re not feeling smiley, but still want to be more approachable, try breathing through your mouth. 

This is an instant antidote to Resting Bitch Face and can be done by simply opening your mouth a little bit so that your bottom lip and top lip aren’t touching. 

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it works incredibly well. Here’s a Facebook message my friend, a YouTube star, sent me after practicing the mouth-breathing technique…

geraldine messaging camille virginia about her smiling approachability tip

The goal is to create a tiny space by opening your lips, which relaxes your jaw, softens your facial features, and makes you look open and welcoming. 

The next time you’re in line at the grocery store, look at the women on magazine covers – they’re almost always smiling, or at least have their lips slightly parted as if they’re breathing through their mouths.

5) Start “Squinching”

The #1 tip I have in my arsenal to make people look more photogenic is squinching. If you’re a human who just wants to look hot, better, or more confident…
this is gonna do it for you.

“Squinching” is another fun way to be approachable. It’s a term coined by professional photographer, Peter Hurley. 

But the benefits go well beyond taking a confident, sexy picture – you can use squinching to flash a confident, sexy glance to an attractive stranger too.

Squinching = Squinting (top eyelids) + Pinching (lower eyelids)

The secret to doing the squinch is narrowing the distance between your lower eyelid and your pupil while bringing the top lid down just a tiny bit. 

The lower eyelid is the same fold of skin that naturally rises up when you’re flashing a genuine smile.

Just like with mouth-breathing, most celebrities do some form of squinch for photo ops. Practice your squinch in front of the mirror until you feel like you’re starting to nail it and see what a difference it makes. 

It’s holding an intentional thought that makes you happy and having that joy show through your eyes.

camille virginia showing squinching to attract a man

6) Be purposefully playful

When you’re in a playful mood, it invites other people to be playful back and create a little moment together – and flirting is a great way to showcase your fun-loving side with others. 

Humans love play. We learn by play. Locked in our grown-up clothes and calcified social identities, we freakin’ YEARN to play.

You can even learn how to flirt with a guy, which is one part of my two-part process to make a man chase a woman (along with tapping into your feminine energy when dating). 

It’s also one of my 18 ways to make a man commit (without pressure), when he may just need a loving nudge to move from your dating status from “casual” to “committed.”

Start tapping into your fun side around strangers, who are really just friends (or boyfriends) you haven’t met yet, and you’ll instantly become more approachable.

Start tapping into your fun side around strangers, who are really just friends (or boyfriends) you haven’t met yet.

Try moving to the beat of your headphone music while sitting on the bus or singing out loud to the song that’s playing in your taxi or rideshare. You can also pick up on subtle or unintentional playful invitations from others. 

For instance, one day I was walking down the sidewalk and saw two women walking toward me, arm in arm. 

As we passed each other the older woman sang out, “Just a touch… of love…” – and without hesitating I chimed in, “…a little bit!” because – hey – I like that Keith Sweat song too.

The younger woman smiled back at me and said, “Oh Mom, she’s singing with you!” 

Start showing strangers your playful side, even people you may not be romantically interested in. Then, work your way up to doing it with a man who catches your eye.

7) Let him do it

My last tip for how to be approachable is to let a man do it – with “it” being anything. 

Men love helping out and doing things for women, even small actions like opening a door, holding the elevator, or getting something off a shelf for you. It makes them feel needed and useful. 

They know you can take these actions yourself, but they want to do them for you. 

So, when a guy offers to help you, unless you’re getting a seriously creepy vibe from him, let him be the man he wants to be for you in that moment.

Conclusion: How being approachable will change your life

black woman in braids smiling to be more approachable
Llywelyn Nys/Unsplash

If you want to discover how to be approachable, peruse the 17 tips we covered in the Three Pillars of Approachability:

Pillar 1: How to look more attractive to men (8 ways)

  1. Boost your confidence
  2. Harness the power of another persona
  3. Show respect for yourself and others
  4. Make a (silent) personal statement
  5. Attract like-minded people
  6. Mismatch your environment
  7. Leave that name tag on
  8. Dress up a step up

Pillar 2: How to get a guy’s attention in 2 steps

  1. Case the Joint
  2. Scout Your Spot

Pillar 3: How to attract a man like a magnet (7 tips)

  1. Keep a headphone out
  2. Body language basics
  3. Flash a sexy glance
  4. Prevent Resting Bitch Face
  5. Start “Squinching”
  6. Be purposefully playful
  7. Let him do it

Just pick one tip and apply it, then watch your approachability factor start to soar when you have great men approaching you as you simply go about your day.

Coming up next...

The next article in our series is I Don’t Know How to Talk to Guys: The 2-Word Phrase Stopping You – where you’ll discover…

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Picture of Article by Camille Virginia
Article by Camille Virginia

After graduating with a degree in Marketing, I worked in the corporate consulting world for over a decade before starting my business Master Offline Dating to help singles attract love in the real world.

But my true passion (and the secret sauce to my clients' incredible results) is helping people create more meaningful in-person connections in our digitally-disconnected world.

I'm now the #1 Offline Dating Expert, an award-winning writer, and author of two best-selling books. I've also taught over 100 live workshops, reach subscribers across more than 130 countries, and have been featured in major media outlets including the Atlantic, the BBC, and USA Today,

Meet Camille

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