In this article, you'll discover...
- Easy ways to flirt with a guy without being obvious so you have zero risk of rejection
- How to show your interest in him in a subtle yet powerful way
- Easy and natural flirty words, scripts, and props you can use to engage any man
Table of Contents
Flirting isn’t just for playtime, it’s also a powerful attraction tool.
That’s why discovering how to flirt with a guy (without being obvious) is the second part of my two-part process to inspire a man to chase a woman:
- Part 1: Reveal your feminine energy when dating
- Part 2: Discover how to flirt with a guy (without being obvious)
Whether you use it in online dating or offline dating, tapping into your flirty side is a great way to stop taking yourself so seriously and insert more joy into your love life.
Flirting is anytime you're intentionally playful with someone and invite them to be playful back.
You have enough duties and obligations in your life that require your focus and seriousness, so taking a moment to flirt with someone can be a refreshing break from all of that.
Because at the end of the day, most people just want to have fun and be around people that bring out the playful side in them.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
My #1 Secret Flirting Tip
If you’ve ever wondered, “I have great friends, but why don’t I have a partner?” you may just be a little out of practice with how to tap into your flirty side around men.
My secret behind how to confidently talk to men is to be your consistent, casual self around everyone.
And the secret behind knowing how to flirt with a guy without being obvious uses the same approach: practice being flirty with everybody.
The secret behind knowing how to flirt with a guy without being obvious is to practice being flirty with everybody.
Maybe you stop at a friend’s house and when she opens the door, her four-year-old son can be seen peeking out behind his mom’s legs when. You could say “Oh, excuse me! Somebody’s being a little shy…”
Or perhaps you find yourself flirting with an elderly man who’s all dressed up in his Sunday best with the genuine compliment, “You’re looking quite dapper today, sir,” paired with a genuine smile.
You could flirt with your own dog. I mean, she’s not going to judge you, right?
You can even flirt with yourself!
Head to your bathroom mirror and give yourself a genuine compliment on your favorite physical feature or what you’re wearing.
You could say something like, “Wow chica! Your eyes are looking extra sparkly today – yep, they sure are…” or maybe make kissy faces to yourself – muah!
None of those have the intention of romance, they’re just fun, flirty, and playful.
They’re also great warm-ups for when you want to flirt with a guy after finding yourself chatting up an attractive man in the cereal aisle of Trader Joe’s.
If you’re wondering, “Why is dating so hard?” you may just need to insert a little more fun and joy into your life – not just your love life.
Become a covert flirt by incorporating flirting into your day-to-day routine, which also gives you permission to have more fun in your day.
Flirting is about having a playful energy and is at its most powerful when done in real life – not online.
In person, you can savor the chemistry and connection, hear a man’s tone of voice and inflection, see his body language, and feel the mutual attraction exchange.
You can enjoy the rush of energy that comes from the smile of a man who caught your eye in the library or sharing a moment with that handsome stranger on the bus.
The zing! natural high feeling of those in-person interactions can last for hours – which is one of the many advantages of offline dating.
Just like stretching before a run, you’ll unlock your natural flirting capabilities and get more comfortable sharing little quips, giving playful taps on the shoulder, or finding flirty words that you can use in any conversation to insert some instant flirt.
When you flirt with everyone you become someone who can flirt with anyone.
When you flirt with everyone you become someone who can flirt with anyone.
You’re not “turning it on” to flirt with a man you’re attracted to or subjecting your humor to review or rejection. Flirting is about showing others your naturally playful side and not being so discerning about how to use it.
Then, when you find yourself face-to-face with a man you’re attracted to, it will simply be second nature to start flirting with him – then watch the sparks fly!
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2 things flirting is NOT
Now that you know the secret of how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, before we get into how to do it we must cover what flirting is not.
1) It's NOT being ditzy or playing dumb
When you think about the word “flirting,” what comes to mind?
Is it playing helpless, or being purposefully dumb or ditzy?
Those are types of flirting styles. But if they don’t resonate with you, then they’re not your flirting style.
You have your own unique flirting style, which means you can showcase your playfulness in a way that feels authentic to you.
It’s a similar approach to knowing what creates emotional attraction in a man and getting him to ask you out.
You can follow a framework, but within each framework you should find the approaches that feel comfortable and resonate with you personally.
2) It's NOT a commitment - just a moment
Flirting also isn’t a commitment – it’s just a moment.
Just like with conversation, when you’re adding some flirt to an interaction, it’s about focusing on the opportunity, not the outcome.
Flirting does not mean that you’re leading a man on.
So, if you have a fear of being inappropriate or coming off as a tease, here’s the thing: all interactions – including flirting – come down to intention. That means you’re only being a tease if you’re intending to be one.
Learning how to subtly flirt with a guy is being present and seeing what naturally comes up in that moment.
If you feel like being playful and saying something silly, then do that.
Or, if you feel like getting to a more meaningful level and going deeper, then do that.
Being confident and loving yourself is one of the traits that men look for in a woman, so honor your emotions and what feels right for you in the moment.
Flirting is making a moment a little more playful, just like you might with your best friend who knows her sense of humor.
You’d just say something random or silly or stupid because you know she’s going to laugh with you and you’ll both enjoy it.
Bring that same playful side out for everyone – especially a man that you’re interested in.
How to flirt with a guy without being obvious
So, we’ve covered the secret behind how to flirt with a guy – which is to practice flirting with everyone – as well as what flirting is not.
Now, here are some approaches you can use to actually flirt with a guy without being obvious…
Flirty things to say to a guy
If you’re thinking anything along the lines of, “I don’t even know how to talk to guys – how can I possibly flirt with them?” the answer is to keep it simple and start slowly.
One of the easiest ways to flirt with a guy without being overt is to use slightly longer words or choose a go-to word that playfully over-emphasizes your point.
A word I like to use is “fabulous” – but maybe yours is “lovely” or “wonderful.”
Just choose one that spices up a sentence but also avoids a harsh phonetic ending – like “cool”, “neat,” or “fine.” Those don’t quite have the same effect as “How splendid!”
Here are a few of the slightly longer, flirtatious words I like to use:
- Lovely
- Wonderful
- Fabulous
- Splendid
- Intriguing
Flirty comments for him
You can expand upon flirty words by sharing an intentionally flirty comment with a guy.
Here are a few examples…
Reaction
- Regular: “Oh, cool”
- Flirtatious Twist: “How fascinating!”
Praise
- Regular: “That was good”
- Flirtatious Twist: “That. Was. Amazing!”
Greeting
- Regular: “Hi.”
- Flirtatious Twist: “Hey handsome / chico / champ / mister / sir”
Compliment
- Regular: “Thanks”
- Flirtatious Twist: “Well, aren’t you sweet?”
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Flirty comebacks to guys
Sometimes all it takes is an instant to turn a casual conversation into a fun flirtation with a guy.
Here are a few examples of responses I’ve said to men that took a basic question or simple statement and made our conversation much more flirty:
- “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know”
- “Someone looks like they’re up to no good…”
- “I’m full of surprises”
- “I saw that!”
- “Hmmm I’ll consider it”
- “Oh yeah? Says who?”
- “Tell me more!”
- “What? No way!”
For example, I love the beer Guinness, but you don’t often see women drinking it.
So, whenever I order it at a bar, the juxtaposition of a gal drinking a dark beer makes me instantly stand out.
Over the years I’ve had several men use it as an icebreaker with me, usually saying something like, “I didn’t know women liked Guinness!” which creates an opportunity for a flirty comeback to a guy.
My go-to response to that?
“I’m full of surprises!” paired with a smile, which is my instant invitation to be playful with them.
Another example when I had an instantly flirty comeback happened when I was sitting in the waiting room of a massage center and the male receptionist dropped something loud on the floor.
He quickly scrambled to pick it up while looking around, embarrassed, to see if anyone else had seen it happen.
When he locked eyes with me and looked panicked that I had witnessed the whole thing, I just smiled and said, “I won’t tell if you won’t,” and winked.
He breathed a sigh of relief, smiled, and we shared a cute moment together.
Watch for opportunities like that to pop up, then ask yourself, “How can I have a little fun with this?”
When you find tips and techniques that you enjoy, you’ll naturally want to practice applying them more – which means they will start to become your new way of being.
You’ll discover exactly how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, using approaches that feel natural for you.
This will, in turn, make your everyday life even more fun and attract the right people – including attracting the right man – to you like a magnet.
Flirting things to do around a guy
Beyond just words, you can also apply authentic actions and gestures to subtly flirt with a guy.
Men are visual creatures, which is yet another advantage of offline dating: flirty in real life, without apps, ramps up the attraction energy ten-fold compared to being behind a screen.
Use Your Body
If you feel like guys don’t really approach you, you may unintentionally be giving them a red light with your body language.
Being aware of how you hold yourself and giving the right signals with your body is a great way to be more approachable. It can also be used as a flirting tool to playfully emphasize your point, like…
- Questioning Head Tilt: “Oh, I did huh?”
- Cup hand + lean in to whisper: “You didn’t hear it from me”
- Sassy Sideways Glance: “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
- Shoulder Shimmy: “I’m getting exciiiiiiiited!”
- Lean in / cross legs toward him
I used that last tip on a dinner date a few years ago. I had arrived a little earlier than my date and chose a seat at a table, where we’d be sitting across from each other.
But it felt too formal and distanced. So I moved to a counter overlooking a window, where we’d be next to each other instead.
My date walked in and said, “You got the best seat in the house!” – and he was right.
We talked for hours and cuddled up next to each other, which couldn’t have happened if we’d sat at that first table, three feet apart with a giant wood block in between us.
By the end of the night, our legs were resting against each other; it was very intimate and romantic.
Flash a Smile
People are naturally drawn to someone who’s genuinely smiling. Plus, engaging your smile muscles can actually put you in a better mood.
So if you want to know how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, just smile at him.
One easy way to flirt with a guy without being obvious is to simply smile at him.
You can try what I call, The Secret Smile, where you walk around like you have a secret and everyone’s wondering what it is. The secret could simply be that you’re doing The Secret Smile.
Another smiling approach is The Random Smile. As you’re talking to a guy, flash a smile in the middle of whatever he’s saying, as if you’re thinking, “I like talking to you.”
It’s a subtle way to indicate your interest in him without being obvious and show your enjoyment of the conversation. He’ll wonder what’s up and feel like you’re having fun talking to him.
Practice The Hair Stare
A big part of why men tend to be so intrigued by women is because we’re wired so differently from them – from how we express our emotions to our daily grooming habits.
And a woman playing with her hair is toward the top of that fascination list, especially since most men don’t have long hair.
The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed.
The Hair Stare is a simple way to tap into that mystique, which has the power to mesmerize a man in one simple move. Here’s how to do it…
- If your hair is down, slowly put it up.
- If your hair is up, slowly take it down.
- If you have short hair, slowly run your fingers through it as you're speaking or listening to him.
Do any of those moves while carrying on a conversation as normal.
Personally, I like to tie my hair in a knot, which I’ve done since I was young. It easily slips out, but it’s funny to see people’s initial reactions of “You just tied your hair in a knot!”
It sounds so simple (and a little ridiculous, I know), but playing with your hair is a casual and easy way to insert a little flirt into your interactions, show your interest in a man, and instantly captivate his attention.
Play With Props
Playing with a prop while you’re talking to a guy is another way to flirt with him without being obvious. You can simply use anything around you, like…
- Hair (loosely braid it, twirl it, mess it up a little)
- Clothing (touch your coat collar, stick your thumb in a pocket)
- Accessories (run your hands across your belt buckle, put a finger under your purse strap)
Props can also calm nervous hands, so you can avoid a situation like Will Ferrell’s character in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
After winning a race, a team of reporters hold their microphones in his face for an interview.
Ricky Bobby’s hands start creeping into the frame as he awkwardly says, “I don’t know what to do with my hands…” – because he’s not holding anything.
The reporters have to keep pushing his hands down out of the frame, but those hands just keep on creeping back up.
So having something to play with or hold in your hands as you talk to a man you’re nervous around can help prevent that scenario.
Conclusion: You CAN flirt with him without being obvious
So, how do you flirt with a guy without being overt about it?
First, take the pressure off yourself to only flirt with men you’re attracted to by starting to flirt with everyone – babies, dogs, the elderly, even yourself.
Next, discover how to flirt with a guy by choosing from the examples we covered of flirty things to say to a guy, flirty comebacks to guys, and flirty comments for him.
Try out various words and scripts to find the ones that feel most natural for you so you can unlock your natural flirting style.
Flirting is a lifelong attraction tool to use regardless of your relationship status.
Because even when you’ve found your life partner, you’ll still want to flirt with each other. Plus, inserting some flirt is one of the 18 ways to make him commit without pressure.
Flirting is a lifelong attraction tool to use regardless of your relationship status.
Once you’ve started to get your flirt on, you’ve mastered the second half of what you need to make a man chase you…
- Part 1: Reveal your feminine energy when dating
- Part 2: Discover how to flirt with a guy (without being obvious)
Finding a man you can flirt with and have fun with is just one part of how to attract a high-value guy.
Don’t forget about the deeper aspects, such as knowing the qualities of a good boyfriend, having revealing questions to ask a guy to know his intentions, and watching for the signs of a great guy.
But when it comes to dating, you want a man you can have fun with – and flirting is a great place to start!
Coming up next...
The next article in our series is Why Do Guys Never Want a Relationship With Me? 14 Possible Reasons – where you’ll discover…
- The real reason modern dating is so messed up (spoiler alert: it's not you)
- 14 reasons a guy may not desire a relationship yet - and what to do about it
- 4 benefits of finding the right man who wants to commit to you (and is emotionally ready for it)
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4 Responses
Love the examples! I’ve used many of these in the past, but forgot then (was married for almost 20 years). Thank you for the refresher and the encouragement!
Thanks for sharing, I’m so glad they were helpful!
This doesn’t always work. There’s a risk of rejection.
Diets don’t always work. Recipes don’t always work. Cancer treatments don’t always work. If you look for reasons you shouldn’t try something, you will always find them. Why not start looking for reasons to try instead? I guarantee you’ll start getting more of what you want.