How to Flirt with a Guy (without being obvious)

The Ultimate Guide to Unlock Your Inner Flirt
indonesian woman in dress flirting with a man without being obvious

In this article, you'll discover...

Table of Contents

Flirting isn’t just for playtime, it’s also a powerful attraction tool. 

That’s why discovering how to flirt with a guy (without being obvious) is the second part of my two-part process to inspire a man to chase a woman:

Whether you use it in online dating or offline dating, tapping into your flirty side is a great way to stop taking yourself so seriously and insert more joy into your love life. 

Flirting is anytime you're intentionally playful with someone
and invite them to be playful back.

You have enough duties and obligations in your life that require your focus and seriousness, so taking a moment to flirt with someone can be a refreshing break from all of that. 

Because at the end of the day, most people just want to have fun and be around people that bring out the playful side in them.

All Readers Welcome

rainbow watercolor representing offline dating without apps for all humans

While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.

So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome! 

I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.

- Camille Virginia

My #1 Secret Flirting Tip

If you’ve ever wondered, “I have great friends, but why don’t I have a partner?” you may just be a little out of practice with how to tap into your flirty side around men.

My secret behind how to confidently talk to men is to be your consistent, casual self around everyone. 

And the secret behind knowing how to flirt with a guy without being obvious uses the same approach: practice being flirty with everybody.

The secret behind knowing how to flirt with a guy without being obvious
is to practice being flirty with everybody.

Maybe you stop at a friend’s house and when she opens the door, her four-year-old son can be seen peeking out behind his mom’s legs when. You could say “Oh, excuse me! Somebody’s being a little shy…” 

Or perhaps you find yourself flirting with an elderly man who’s all dressed up in his Sunday best with the genuine compliment, “You’re looking quite dapper today, sir,” paired with a genuine smile. 

You could flirt with your own dog. I mean, she’s not going to judge you, right?

white woman flirting with yorkshire terrier
Julian Hochgesang/Unsplash

You can even flirt with yourself! 

Head to your bathroom mirror and give yourself a genuine compliment on your favorite physical feature or what you’re wearing.

You could say something like, “Wow chica! Your eyes are looking extra sparkly today – yep, they sure are…” or maybe make kissy faces to yourself – muah!

camille virginia making flirty face in mirror

None of those have the intention of romance, they’re just fun, flirty, and playful. 

They’re also great warm-ups for when you want to flirt with a guy after finding yourself chatting up an attractive man in the cereal aisle of Trader Joe’s.

If you’re wondering, “Why is dating so hard?” you may just need to insert a little more fun and joy into your life – not just your love life. 

Become a covert flirt by incorporating flirting into your day-to-day routine, which also gives you permission to have more fun in your day.

Flirting is about having a playful energy and is at its most powerful when done in real life – not online. 

In person, you can savor the chemistry and connection, hear a man’s tone of voice and inflection, see his body language, and feel the mutual attraction exchange. 

You can enjoy the rush of energy that comes from the smile of a man who caught your eye in the library or sharing a moment with that handsome stranger on the bus. 

The zing! natural high feeling of those in-person interactions can last for hours – which is one of the many advantages of offline dating.

Just like stretching before a run, you’ll unlock your natural flirting capabilities and get more comfortable sharing little quips, giving playful taps on the shoulder, or finding flirty words that you can use in any conversation to insert some instant flirt.

When you flirt with everyone you become someone who can flirt with anyone.

When you flirt with everyone you become someone who can flirt with anyone.

You’re not “turning it on” to flirt with a man you’re attracted to or subjecting your humor to review or rejection. Flirting is about showing others your naturally playful side and not being so discerning about how to use it.

Then, when you find yourself face-to-face with a man you’re attracted to, it will simply be second nature to start flirting with him – then watch the sparks fly!

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2 things flirting is NOT

Now that you know the secret of how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, before we get into how to do it we must cover what flirting is not.

1) It's NOT being ditzy or playing dumb

When you think about the word “flirting,” what comes to mind? 

Is it playing helpless, or being purposefully dumb or ditzy? 

Those are types of flirting styles. But if they don’t resonate with you, then they’re not your flirting style. 

You have your own unique flirting style, which means you can showcase your playfulness in a way that feels authentic to you. 

It’s a similar approach to knowing what creates emotional attraction in a man and getting him to ask you out

You can follow a framework, but within each framework you should find the approaches that feel comfortable and resonate with you personally.

2) It's NOT a commitment - just a moment

Flirting also isn’t a commitment – it’s just a moment. 

Just like with conversation, when you’re adding some flirt to an interaction, it’s about focusing on the opportunity, not the outcome. 

blond white woman laughing on a rock
Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

Flirting does not mean that you’re leading a man on. 

So, if you have a fear of being inappropriate or coming off as a tease, here’s the thing: all interactions – including flirting – come down to intention. That means you’re only being a tease if you’re intending to be one. 

Learning how to subtly flirt with a guy is being present and seeing what naturally comes up in that moment. 

If you feel like being playful and saying something silly, then do that. 

Or, if you feel like getting to a more meaningful level and going deeper, then do that. 

Being confident and loving yourself is one of the traits that men look for in a woman, so honor your emotions and what feels right for you in the moment.

Flirting is making a moment a little more playful, just like you might with your best friend who knows her sense of humor. 

You’d just say something random or silly or stupid because you know she’s going to laugh with you and you’ll both enjoy it. 

Bring that same playful side out for everyone – especially a man that you’re interested in. 

How to flirt with a guy without being obvious

So, we’ve covered the secret behind how to flirt with a guy – which is to practice flirting with everyone – as well as what flirting is not.

Now, here are some approaches you can use to actually flirt with a guy without being obvious…

Flirty things to say to a guy

If you’re thinking anything along the lines of, “I don’t even know how to talk to guys – how can I possibly flirt with them?” the answer is to keep it simple and start slowly.

black woman laying on black man saying flirty things to him
Julian Myles/Unsplash

One of the easiest ways to flirt with a guy without being overt is to use slightly longer words or choose a go-to word that playfully over-emphasizes your point. 

A word I like to use is “fabulous” – but maybe yours is “lovely” or “wonderful.” 

Just choose one that spices up a sentence but also avoids a harsh phonetic ending – like “cool”, “neat,” or “fine.” Those don’t quite have the same effect as “How splendid!”

Here are a few of the slightly longer, flirtatious words I like to use:

Flirty comments for him

You can expand upon flirty words by sharing an intentionally flirty comment with a guy. 

blond white woman giving a flirty comment to white guy on a trail
Jonathan Borba/Unsplash

Here are a few examples…





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Flirty comebacks to guys

Sometimes all it takes is an instant to turn a casual conversation into a fun flirtation with a guy. 

Here are a few examples of responses I’ve said to men that took a basic question or simple statement and made our conversation much more flirty:

For example, I love the beer Guinness, but you don’t often see women drinking it. 

So, whenever I order it at a bar, the juxtaposition of a gal drinking a dark beer makes me instantly stand out. 

Over the years I’ve had several men use it as an icebreaker with me, usually saying something like, “I didn’t know women liked Guinness!” which creates an opportunity for a flirty comeback to a guy. 

My go-to response to that? 

“I’m full of surprises!” paired with a smile, which is my instant invitation to be playful with them. 

Another example when I had an instantly flirty comeback happened when I was sitting in the waiting room of a massage center and the male receptionist dropped something loud on the floor. 

He quickly scrambled to pick it up while looking around, embarrassed, to see if anyone else had seen it happen. 

When he locked eyes with me and looked panicked that I had witnessed the whole thing, I just smiled and said, “I won’t tell if you won’t,” and winked. 

He breathed a sigh of relief, smiled, and we shared a cute moment together.

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Watch for opportunities like that to pop up, then ask yourself, “How can I have a little fun with this?” 

When you find tips and techniques that you enjoy, you’ll naturally want to practice applying them more – which means they will start to become your new way of being

You’ll discover exactly how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, using approaches that feel natural for you. 

This will, in turn, make your everyday life even more fun and attract the right people – including attracting the right man – to you like a magnet

Flirting things to do around a guy

Beyond just words, you can also apply authentic actions and gestures to subtly flirt with a guy.

Men are visual creatures, which is yet another advantage of offline dating: flirty in real life, without apps, ramps up the attraction energy ten-fold compared to being behind a screen.

Use Your Body

If you feel like guys don’t really approach you, you may unintentionally be giving them a red light with your body language. 

Being aware of how you hold yourself and giving the right signals with your body is a great way to be more approachable. It can also be used as a flirting tool to playfully emphasize your point, like…

blond asian woman in green top with glasses flirting with a guy
Atikh Bana/Unsplash
blond white woman winking with flirty comeback for a guy

I used that last tip on a dinner date a few years ago. I had arrived a little earlier than my date and chose a seat at a table, where we’d be sitting across from each other.

But it felt too formal and distanced. So I moved to a counter overlooking a window, where we’d be next to each other instead. 

My date walked in and said, “You got the best seat in the house!” – and he was right. 

We talked for hours and cuddled up next to each other, which couldn’t have happened if we’d sat at that first table, three feet apart with a giant wood block in between us. 

By the end of the night, our legs were resting against each other; it was very intimate and romantic. 

Flash a Smile

People are naturally drawn to someone who’s genuinely smiling. Plus, engaging your smile muscles can actually put you in a better mood

So if you want to know how to flirt with a guy without being obvious, just smile at him.

One easy way to flirt with a guy without being obvious is to simply smile at him.

black woman in blue hajib laughing
Aikomo Opeyemi/Unsplash

You can try what I call, The Secret Smile, where you walk around like you have a secret and everyone’s wondering what it is. The secret could simply be that you’re doing The Secret Smile.

Another smiling approach is The Random Smile. As you’re talking to a guy, flash a smile in the middle of whatever he’s saying, as if you’re thinking, “I like talking to you.” 

It’s a subtle way to indicate your interest in him without being obvious and show your enjoyment of the conversation. He’ll wonder what’s up and feel like you’re having fun talking to him.

Practice The Hair Stare

A big part of why men tend to be so intrigued by women is because we’re wired so differently from them – from how we express our emotions to our daily grooming habits. 

And a woman playing with her hair is toward the top of that fascination list, especially since most men don’t have long hair. 

The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed.

The Hair Stare is a simple way to tap into that mystique, which has the power to mesmerize a man in one simple move. Here’s how to do it…

Do any of those moves while carrying on a conversation as normal. 

black haired latina woman in glasses shaking hair
Allef Vinicius/Unsplash

Personally, I like to tie my hair in a knot, which I’ve done since I was young. It easily slips out, but it’s funny to see people’s initial reactions of “You just tied your hair in a knot!” 

It sounds so simple (and a little ridiculous, I know), but playing with your hair is a casual and easy way to insert a little flirt into your interactions, show your interest in a man, and instantly captivate his attention. 

Play With Props

Playing with a prop while you’re talking to a guy is another way to flirt with him without being obvious. You can simply use anything around you, like…

Props can also calm nervous hands, so you can avoid a situation like Will Ferrell’s character in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. 

After winning a race, a team of reporters hold their microphones in his face for an interview.

Ricky Bobby’s hands start creeping into the frame as he awkwardly says, “I don’t know what to do with my hands…” – because he’s not holding anything. 

Taladega Nights ricky bobby doesn't know what to do with his hands

The reporters have to keep pushing his hands down out of the frame, but those hands just keep on creeping back up. 

So having something to play with or hold in your hands as you talk to a man you’re nervous around can help prevent that scenario.

Conclusion: You CAN flirt with him without being obvious

So, how do you flirt with a guy without being overt about it? 

First, take the pressure off yourself to only flirt with men you’re attracted to by starting to flirt with everyone – babies, dogs, the elderly, even yourself.

Next, discover how to flirt with a guy by choosing from the examples we covered of flirty things to say to a guy, flirty comebacks to guys, and flirty comments for him. 

Try out various words and scripts to find the ones that feel most natural for you so you can unlock your natural flirting style. 

group of white men and woman hiking and flirting without being obvious
Felix Rostig/Unsplash

Flirting is a lifelong attraction tool to use regardless of your relationship status. 

Because even when you’ve found your life partner, you’ll still want to flirt with each other. Plus, inserting some flirt is one of the 18 ways to make him commit without pressure.

Flirting is a lifelong attraction tool to use regardless of your relationship status.

Once you’ve started to get your flirt on, you’ve mastered the second half of what you need to make a man chase you…

Finding a man you can flirt with and have fun with is just one part of how to attract a high-value guy

Don’t forget about the deeper aspects, such as knowing the qualities of a good boyfriend, having revealing questions to ask a guy to know his intentions, and watching for the signs of a great guy.

But when it comes to dating, you want a man you can have fun with – and flirting is a great place to start!

Coming up next...

The next article in our series is Why Do Guys Never Want a Relationship With Me? 14 Possible Reasons – where you’ll discover…

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Picture of Article by Camille Virginia
Article by Camille Virginia

After graduating with a degree in Marketing, I worked in the corporate consulting world for over a decade before starting my business Master Offline Dating to help singles attract love in the real world.

But my true passion (and the secret sauce to my clients' incredible results) is helping people create more meaningful in-person connections in our digitally-disconnected world.

I'm now the #1 Offline Dating Expert, an award-winning writer, and author of two best-selling books. I've also taught over 100 live workshops, reach subscribers across more than 130 countries, and have been featured in major media outlets including the Atlantic, the BBC, and USA Today,

Meet Camille

4 Responses

  1. Love the examples! I’ve used many of these in the past, but forgot then (was married for almost 20 years). Thank you for the refresher and the encouragement!

    1. Diets don’t always work. Recipes don’t always work. Cancer treatments don’t always work. If you look for reasons you shouldn’t try something, you will always find them. Why not start looking for reasons to try instead? I guarantee you’ll start getting more of what you want.

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