18 Ways to Inspire Your Guy to Seal the Deal
In this article, you'll discover...
- 18 ways to inspire him to commit without pressure - so you go from dating to relationship
- Word-for-word scripts to communicate your needs without feeling demanding
- How to turn disagreements into deeper bonding experiences for both of you
Table of Contents
The process of navigating from casual dating into a loving, committed relationship boils down to a few simple ways to make a man commit without pressure.
But before we dive into those, let’s address what’s wrong with guys today and why many women feel like they don’t want to commit.
If it seems like you’ve been dating forever – either the same guy or different ones over time – yet you keep wondering “Why don’t guys want a relationship with me?” or “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” you’re not alone.
The invention of online dating has created a seemingly-endless infinity pool of potential mates who are just one swipe away.
Dating apps paired with our instant gratification culture encourage people to keep looking for better instead of choosing one person to invest in and grow with over time.
Feeling “swiped over” has led to many of my coaching clients creating mindset barriers like, “No one dates anymore!”
Which, unfortunately, then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy by turning off good men who don’t want to pay for the sins of the ones who came before them.
It’s a vicious cycle of people saying they want one thing yet making choices that don’t align with actually achieving it.
Or, focusing on complaining about the state of dating instead of taking action to seek out new and better approaches.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
This is one of the fundamental reasons why dating is so hard.
From being overwhelmed by too many choices to being treated like a disposal commodity, the cards are stacked against you every time you enter an online dating platform.
That’s why I advocate offline dating (i.e. meeting and dating in real life without apps) to all my readers, subscribers, and coaching clients.
Meeting someone IRL is not only more fun and efficient (if you’re going to the market for milk, why not also get a date for the weekend?) but you’ll also be treated better and increase your chances of finding a good match.
Once you take the initial actions to prepare for a relationship (like getting your life together and falling in love with yourself) and you know how to attract the right guy, then having him commit to you is the easy part.
Sometimes good men just need a gentle reminder or loving nudge toward all the amazing benefits that come when they commit to a quality woman such as yourself.
18 ways to make him commit without pressure
Let’s say you’ve been dating a man for a few weeks or months and both of you are feeling a special connection with each other – but he hasn’t brought up the DTR (“define the relationship”) talk yet.
You feel like his girlfriend, and he acts like a boyfriend, but you’d like him to officially commit to you.
If you feel like he’s the right man for you – i.e. he shares your values, treats you well, and is ready for a commitment – it may just take some intentional actions – in the real world, not online – to get him to commit.
Remember: Commitment is never about manipulating someone into an arrangement they don’t want to be in; on some level, it needs to be desired by both people.
Commitment is never about manipulating someone into an arrangement
they don't want to be in; it needs to be desired by both people.
If you feel like he’s ready to commit but may just need an extra nudge to finally make the leap, here are 18 ways to inspire a man to commit without pressure…
Enjoy Activities + Adventures
An important part of being in a relationship is the ability to have fun together and grow into your best selves – whether that’s creating new experiences, traveling, or learning a new skill together.
Four authentic ways to get a man to commit to you without being pushy are simply by showing him your more playful and adventurous sides.
1) Try a New Experience
Sharing a new or thrilling experience with someone biologically triggers you to bond with them and is a powerful way to make a man want to create a commitment.
Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher has a great example of this.
One of her psychology students was studying in China and had a crush on one of his female classmates – and he tried to use the thrill bonding phenomenon to his advantage.
The student took his crush for a rickshaw ride through Beijing, hoping the thrill of it would trigger her feelings for him by releasing dopamine.
Unfortunately for him, at the end of the wild ride she turned to him and said, “Wasn’t that wonderful! And wasn’t that rickshaw driver handsome!”
Novelty and danger can trigger the dopamine system,
goosing the potential for falling in love.
Another advantage to creating new experiences together is that you can show a man different sides of you by changing up environments and situations.
If you two always go to the same restaurant, coffee shop, or dog park, you’re only going to see each other in those limited, familiar situations.
The dating phase is the time to get to know all the different aspects of someone, so you can see if you two are compatible for the long haul together.
Going to new and different environments naturally brings out other sides of you both – like your personalities, opinions, and how you deal with changes and new settings.
We all have a mental list of cool experiences and activities we’d like to do, so if you’re dating someone and want to get to know each other better, why not add interesting life experiences to the mix?
Here are some ideas…
- Rock-climbing
- Cooking class
- Horseback riding (one of my best first dates ever)
- Beer or wine tasting
- Shooting at a gun range
- Pumpkin carving
- Art museum
- Comedy show
- Arcade bar
2) Treat Him to Dinner (or anything)
Another way to make a man want to commit to you is to show him that you value contributing to him and the relationship.
Around the fourth or fifth date, or whenever you want to reciprocate all the meals and experiences a man has treated you to, invite him to your place for dinner.
I’ve dated men who refused to let me pay for anything when I was with them – which was very generous, but also made me feel like I wasn’t contributing equally.
I found that making dinner for them was the perfect way to show my appreciation while taking the aspect of money off the table.
The dinner you make could be something simple, like tacos or homemade pizza. If you don’t cook, or you’re stressing about the impression your kitchen skills will make on him, just order takeout.
Be upfront that you didn’t make it yourself and compensate for that lack of culinary skills by setting an extra-romantic atmosphere.
That could be lighting candles, using fancy dinnerware, or creating a special cocktail just for him.
Showing appreciation can be as simple as acknowledging a man’s thoughtfulness.
Showing appreciation can be as simple as acknowledging a man's thoughtfulness.
Another option to reciprocate (and a great excuse to have him over to your place, to take things to the next level) is to cook something together.
Choose a recipe you’ve been wanting to try, buy the ingredients ahead of time, tidy up your place, and open a bottle of wine.
Now that’s romantic!
3) Pack Your Bags
A great way to inspire a guy to commit without pressuring him is to travel together.
That could be a weekend getaway to Napa, a weeklong vacation in Romania, or an afternoon spent racing down a mountain at the Alpine Slides.
If you have someone you think is the one, buy a plane ticket with them to travel around the world. Go to places that are hard to get to and hard to get out of. And when you land back at the airport, if you're still in love with that person, get married.
Traveling will tell you a lot about someone, from their personal hygiene habits to how they resolve unexpected itinerary changes. It will also create a shared experience that can bring you two even closer together.
Years ago, a guy friend of mine had been on only two dates with a woman when she spontaneously invited him to go to China with her for a week.
He jumped at the chance, and that trip took their relationship to a whole new level.
They just celebrated their 10-year wedding anniversary.
4) Learn Something
Learning new things with your partner is also a great way to foster a strong relationship and help you bond with your partner.
Humans inherently feel happiness from making progress toward their goals, so why not let that approach strengthen your relationship at the same time?
Plus, when you and your guy are consistently on the lookout to learn new things, you’ll never run out of topics to talk about!
Maybe you two are taking a two-week vacation through Vietnam in a few months, and you want to be able to communicate with the locals, so you’re both taking online Vietnamese lessons.
Or he plays the guitar and you’ve always wanted to learn, so he’s teaching you the basics.
Feel free to explore your own interests separately or have different experiences out in the world, then come together to share those stories with each other.
Perhaps you’re starting to get into soldering and making your own jewelry, while your guy is revisiting his high school track days and training for a half marathon.
Learning and growing are sexy. Stagnation is not.
Learning and growing are sexy. Stagnation is not.
So if you want to make a man commit without pressure, keep up the self-development.
Create Connection + Commitment
A major aspect of getting a man to make your commitment official is through creating a deep connection.
The biggest unintentional mistake that women tend to make in the dating process involves communication – or rather miscommunication.
(*raises hand*)
It took me a long time to learn that there is very little subtext to what men say and do, which means it’s important to accept that what a man says is likely what he means.
No more, no less.
Men and women are both humans with the same emotions, but we have very different communication styles. That means those initial patterns of getting to know each other are also very different.
Women, more so than men, tend to say or do things just to be nice or spare someone’s feelings, whereas men tend to be more direct.
For example, if a woman’s female friend shows up wearing a scarf with a rather unattractive pattern, the woman is more likely to say something like, “Wow, interesting scarf!”
That’s because she puts more value on making her friend feel good rather than sharing her not-so-positive opinion of her new accessory.
Men, on the other hand, are usually more direct and tend to say what they mean.
So in the same scarf situation, a man who doesn’t like his male friend’s accessory might reply more along the lines of, “Dude. That’s an ugly scarf.”
But this difference in how men and women communicate isn’t the issue – it’s when a woman assumes that a man thinks the same way she does.
This typically involves over-analyzing something he said, looking for a deeper meaning, or only hearing what she wants to hear. But, what a man said is likely what he meant and should just be taken at face value.
If you have clarifying questions about what he meant, of course, you should ask for clarity. But don’t tell yourself that when he said x you think he secretly meant y. Because nope, he meant x.
This is why it’s important to understand the key to triggering emotional attraction in a man, so you can authentically communicate with him in a way that both of you enjoy and understand.
5) Live Your Core Values
Shared values are one of the key aspects that men look for in a woman and a powerful way to make a man commit without pressure.
You can reveal a man’s values (which is one of the secrets behind how to attract the right man) by learning the qualities of a good man, choosing questions that reveal his true intentions, and spotting signs of a good man.
Values such as thoughtfulness, generosity, and kindness take time to come out, which is why it’s important to not rush the dating process.
Values such as thoughtfulness, generosity, and kindness take time to come out, which is why it's important to not rush the dating process.
For example, I dated a man who forgot my birthday, despite my multiple mentions that it would mean a lot to me if we celebrated it together.
Sure enough, those traits of not caring about something that was important to me showed up in other places throughout our relationship. It felt like a constant battle to simply have him consider me, which felt terrible.
In contrast, I dated another man who was very generous and thoughtful. One day, he said, “Your birthday is coming up, what would you like to do to celebrate it?”
He asked me this question in October. My birthday is in January.
I was so touched by his kindness and thoughtfulness to think ahead to an event that he knew was likely very important for me.
Enjoying the article?
Share it to spark a conversation and connect with your followers…
6) Be Your Consistent Self
Another authentic way to inspire your guy to make things official is to consistently be your authentic self.
Men tend to watch and observe their potential partner, while women (including myself) are more prone to seeing what we want to see in him.
Being your true self with everyone, which is my secret behind how to talk to guys, not only feels incredibly freeing but builds trust with people – including the man you’re dating.
Be yourself from the very first interaction with him, instead of falling into the trap that I used to of showing up as a woman you think he wants.
Pretending to be someone else only guarantees that you’ll attract the wrong man who resonates with the “fake” you because that’s what you’ve shown him.
Men tend to get into a relationship hoping the women won't change,
women get into a relationship hoping the men will.
Going a step further, when you attract a man (or anyone) using an altered or overly-polished version of yourself and then reveal your “real” self later, those people will feel betrayed.
You would too, right?
Imagine one night you met a man at a networking event who came across as extremely outgoing and loved connecting with people.
But on your date, he revealed his true self and admitted he was actually an introvert who hated social events.
You’d be upset that he projected a version of himself that wasn’t his real self. It would also make me wonder what else he was faking or hiding.
Besides, it feels great to be accepted as your true self and find the people who love you for you. And those people (including Mr. Right) can only find you if you’re showing up as your authentic self.
7) Always Appreciate
Appreciation is to men what affection and reassurance are to women.
What you praise in people tends to be reinforced and repeated.
That means on top of making him feel great by showing your genuine appreciation for him, you will also make a man commit without pressure.
If you want to up your compliment game, describe the effect his behavior had on you or specifically compliment his character:
- “Thank you for putting away the laundry, that helped me get the rest of the house ready for our party.”
- “I love your random sense of humor!”
- “I'm having a great time with you.”
The world would be a better place if people more freely shared the positive thoughts they have about others, so be sure to share yours about him as the opportunity to arises.
Bonus: Giving a man genuine words of appreciation on a consistent basis can also make him a little obsessed with you.
8) Get Vulnerable
Another way to help a man see the value of committing to you is to be vulnerable with him.
Vulnerability is simply sharing an aspect or story about yourself without needing it to be validated by anyone.
You’ve already accepted and embraced it yourself, so sharing it is solely for the purpose of showing the other person a deeper side of you, or adding a relevant story, lesson, or insight.
Vulnerability is the first thing you look for in other people,
but the last thing you want to reveal in yourself.
If the other person responds with anything outside of being receptive (e.g. “I don’t think we’re a good match” or “That was a weird story”) it may sting a little, but you’ll be fine.
After all, you weren’t looking for their acceptance because you’d already given that to yourself.
You can also be grateful for discovering that that person isn’t right for you, so you don’t waste any more time on them.
Vulnerability vs Validation-Seeking
Validation-seeking is needing approval or a certain reaction to information about you.
And if you don’t get the reception you want from the person you share it with, you’ll be negatively affected.
You may immediately regret sharing it, put up a wall that cuts off the connection, or just pull back emotionally.
That isn’t fair to the other person though, because they don’t know what reaction you need – and it has nothing to do with them anyway.
When you’ve accepted something about yourself, you don’t need anyone else’s approval.
So focus on truly being okay with your vulnerable story before sharing it, so its purpose is solely and genuinely to create a deeper connection for both of you.
9) Contribute Equally
Chances are likely that you and your partner won’t earn the exact same amount of income – and that’s completely fine.
Contributing equally to a relationship isn’t just about money.
It’s looking across all the different responsibilities you and your partner share – financial, emotional, home improvement, weekly errands, etc – and finding a balance that works for both of you.
It’s also a key aspect of what makes the right man commit without forcing anything, because quality men want to have an equal partner.
Maybe you make more money than your guy, so you pay a little more than half the rent, but he makes up for that by doing all the grocery shopping and cooking for you four nights a week.
Or perhaps he loves to pay whenever you two go out for dinner, so you show your appreciation by making sure the house is always clean and organized (because that’s your natural skill set too).
If you simply make assumptions about the level of contribution that feels fair in each area of the relationship, that’s a recipe for missed expectations and growing resentment for both of you.
Just remember not to take on the lion’s share of responsibilities simply because he isn’t stepping up to contribute in his own way.
Not only will it wear you out and feel awful, but he won’t respect or appreciate you if you do everything for him.
10) Insert Some Flirt
Getting a man to commit to you without pressure can be easy as showing him your playful side.
Flirting with your partner is one part of my two-part approach (along with tapping into your feminine energy when dating) to make a man chase you.
Once you discover how to flirt with a guy, start looking for opportunities to insert some flirt and fun into your interaction.
No need to save your playful side just for date nights or romantic vacations. Have fun in your day-to-day by creating a playful moment together.
If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then that’s
boyfriend material for me. Like if we’re able to have fun at a gas station.
I’ve had some really good times at gas stations.
One of the ways to trigger emotional attraction in a guy is to contribute your insights and stories by sharing anecdotes about your day.
Doing this says, “You weren’t here in this moment, but I thought of you.”
Plus, noting stories and insights throughout your day always ensures you’ll have something interesting to bring up in a conversation. The topic doesn’t matter, it’s just about creating a moment of connection.
Sharing pieces of your day with your partner is writing a modern love letter to them.
Sharing pieces of your day with your partner is writing a modern love letter to them.
Practicing these “mental notes” also helps keep you present in the moment, because you now have a specific reason to make a note of your thoughts and experiences (to share it with your guy later).
It also helps you notice little aspects and details of life that you may otherwise not have paid any attention to.
11) Keep Your Relationship Private
Another way to inspire a man to make your relationship official is to create your own bubble of safety between you two by keeping your relationship private.
The people in our lives want us to be treated well, but arguments are a natural part of every relationship.
For example, if a man tells his mother that his girlfriend is uncomfortable with him talking to one of his exes, his mom might be quick to judge that his girlfriend is controlling and possessive.
But the mom doesn’t have the full context to make that judgment.
Her son neglected to tell her that he’d put his girlfriend in several situations with his exes who had hurt and disrespected her – so she was completely justified in asking to avoid those low-quality women.
Also, unless your friends and family are in healthy, happy relationships themselves, or a trained professional on that front, they are likely to give highly biased – and sometimes unintentionally damaging – advice.
So keep your relationship private between you and your partner and seek out a neutral third party like a therapist if you need more guidance.
12) Fight Fairly
The more time you and your partner spend with each other, the more opportunities to get annoyed or hit a disagreement will arise. But not only are arguments normal in a relationship, they’re necessary.
Let's not forget it's you and me versus the problem. Not you versus me.
When you fight for something, it means you care about it. In every relationship you (hopefully) care deeply about your partner, so that means fights are just going to happen.
And your first argument together will show you a lot about how he handles conflict.
I wish I’d known that when I had the first fight with my now ex-husband. We’d only been dating a couple of months, but he wanted to move to Chicago after grad school to be with me.
I’d arranged a meeting between him and one of my guy friends who was in his career field so maybe my friend could help my boyfriend get a job in that industry.
It was a completely well-intentioned effort on my part, and generous of my friend to give us his time.
But a few minutes before leaving for the meet-up, my then-boyfriend blew up and accused me of having feelings for my friend – a man he’d never even met.
It was a spontaneous and irrational argument that came out of nowhere. That fight was a preview of many more of those toxic and unfounded arguments to pop up in our relationship.
In the process of getting a man to commit without pressure, always go back to the intention behind his words. Is he keeping communication open, even if that’s him saying that he needs some space to cool off for a bit?
Or does he purposefully push your buttons, try to get a reaction out of you, and/or shut down a topic?
Fighting dirty can be a bad habit picked up from past relationships and requires conscious effort to re-program into a better approach.
If your partner is fighting dirty, call him out on it and provide the choice of either changing that habit or ending your time together.
It could be as simple as…
- "I need to know that the goal of resolution is always more important than the goal of winning."
- "I care about you more than I care about winning this argument. Let's try to resolve this together."
In the heat of an argument, give him and yourself some space to cool down and then come back to it later.
That alone can be a game-changer and will be much better than forcing a resolution when neither of you is in the emotional state to do that.
After you’ve both calmed down and are ready to talk, try going on a “Walk and Talk.”
The act of walking gives your emotional energy an outlet outside of only coming through your words, and since you’re not facing each other, it will feel less like a stand-off.
You two can also go for a drive or even sit in a parked car together to create a completely private space, while avoiding direct eye contact.
13) Clarify Expectations
Sharing expectations can be difficult for women (myself included) because you know there’s a chance that the man you’re dating won’t be able or willing to meet them, which can feel devastating.
The thought of that disappointment alone can be enough to keep your expectations hidden from him and just hope he picks up on them (which he won’t).
But when you have the courage to share your expectations with him, it can bring you two closer together (and inspire him to commit) because good men want to know what makes you happy so they can give it to you.
Be honest with who you are, what you want, and how you expect to be treated. Standards only scare off people who are not meant for you.
For example, entrepreneur Sam Ovens’ wife creates a “birthday expectations” list for him every year on her birthday.
On it, she lists places she’d love to go to dinner, what kind of flowers she wants, and a “minimum requirement” of one gift-wrapped present.
This ensures that she gets exactly what she wants for her birthday every year, and it makes her husband happy because he knows what to give her that she’ll love.
I love a good RomCom movie, but they often paint a dysfunctional picture of how a man in your life should “just know” what you want and when you want it.
Most men don’t have a clue what you expect of them – let alone when and how you want it – unless you explicitly tell them. They’re not mind-readers. So help him (and yourself) out by just telling him directly.
Sharing your expectations shows that you value yourself enough to ask for them, which makes you even more attractive. It might even make your boyfriend a little obsessed with you.
14) Express Your Needs
Similar to expectation-setting, if you want your needs met you have to share them with your guy.
Avoid doing what I used to do, which was holding back my needs due to a fear of being labeled as “needy.”
But if you want to get a guy to commit to you without being pushy and see if you’re truly compatible, you must share your needs.
Spoiler alert: You’re a human, and all humans have needs.
Spoiler alert: You're a human, and all humans have needs.
Sharing your needs with the man you’re considering committing to is crucial so he knows what you’re looking for and you can see if he’s willing and able to give it to you.
It also gives him the opportunity to share his needs with you too, so you can learn how to make him happy and fulfill each other on an even deeper level.
As an example, my friend Liz is married with two young kids, and she loves date nights with her husband, Anthony.
But instead of dropping hints whenever she wants a date night, she just shares when she needs one – including where she wants to go and on what day.
That enables her to get exactly what she wants, and Anthony loves it because he knows exactly how to make her happy without having to guess.
Before sharing your needs, do some self-reflection to see where they’re coming from so you can understand them yourself first.
Are you feeling anxious because your guy triggered a memory of a past boyfriend who didn’t treat you well – but you know, deep down, that his intentions are completely different from your ex’s?
Or are you upset because he canceled on you three times in a row without an apology (which would rightfully upset or annoy even the most secure woman)?
If he didn’t treat you the way you felt you should be treated, or your needs aren’t getting met, don’t retaliate – e.g. “he didn’t text me for four days, so I’m not going to text him for four days and he can see how it feels!”
That will only feel terrible for you and it won’t change his behavior. You simply showed that that behavior is acceptable by doing it yourself – which means you’ll continue to get more of it in return.
Instead, channel your unmet needs into sharing what upset you, how it made you feel, and what you’d like to happen instead – like, “Not hearing from you for two days made me feel like I wasn’t a priority.”
Then let him share his thoughts and what, if anything, he’s willing to do differently going forward.
If you want to get a man to commit without pressure, don’t wait until you’re triggered to bring up your needs and expectations. Instead, watch for opportunities to naturally bring them up in conversation.
A lot of people are afraid to say what they want.
That’s why they don’t get what they want.
For example, I had a first date with a man and was running about ten minutes late.
I texted him that I was a few minutes behind, and when I finally arrived, he said, “Thanks for the heads-up, that was really thoughtful. No one does that!”
So it was a great opportunity to find out that we both valued reliability and punctuality. Instant bonding moment.
If you’re not used to sharing your needs like this, the first time you do it will likely feel uncomfortable – especially after years or decades of suppressing what you truly desire.
But like with anything, after you do it for the first time the second time will be ten times easier, and the third time will be fifty times easier.
Before you know it, expressing your needs will feel natural and empowering to simply share in the moment as they arise.
15) Share Your Fears
Inspiring a man to become your committed partner and understanding, “Are we compatible?” also involves sharing your fears – whether that’s your fear of commitment, rejection, being hurt, or anything else.
If you don’t openly share your fears, they’ll start to crop up in other, unhealthy forms – like picking random fights, emotionally distancing yourself, or constantly criticizing your partner.
Not sharing your fears with your partner risks him assuming they’re all about him and creating a barrier between you two.
Not sharing your fears with your partner risks him assuming they’re all about him and creating a barrier between you two.
Instead of letting your insecurities come out in the worst possible moments (like, the moment you feel like they’re coming true), go deeper and ask where they’re coming from so you can share what’s truly happening.
Maybe after dating several emotionally unavailable men, you’re not used to a man who consistently shares his appreciation for you.
So despite your desire to be appreciated, it’s unfamiliar territory for you and you’re not sure how to receive it or handle it as well as you’d like.
Instead, figure out what’s going on and share it with him by saying something like…
- "I've never dated a man who treats me as well as you do, so it’s taking a little getting used to."
- "My ex-boyfriend never did the house chores, so this is uncharted territory for me. But I love you do them."
Take a minute to recognize where your fear or discomfort is coming from, then go ahead and share it with him. That way you’ll turn it into a chance to bond instead of sending him confusing mixed signals.
Be Your Own Woman
The final aspect of how to get a man to commit to you without pressure is to be your own woman.
Having your own life is sexy, even (maybe especially) after you’re in a relationship. As we covered in the first part of this article, enjoying activities and learning together, as well as apart, are all great for a relationship.
Here are three aspects to help you continue to be your own woman and create a relationship with a man who loves that you want him in your life, but knows that you don’t necessarily need him.
16) Have a Life
Having your own life is incredibly sexy – amazing friends, a great career, and going hiking once a month with your favorite Meetup group.
It’s also my secret of how to attract a quality guy (who’s also created a quality life for himself).
When you continue to keep your own interests, hobbies, and passions, even after getting into a relationship, it shows your partner that you have outside fulfillment and aren’t relying solely on him for your happiness.
It also shows that you have a healthy routine and great balance – working out, meal planning, and reading the WSJ every morning to keep updated on current events.
You’ve taken the time to get to know and fall in love with yourself, so naturally, he’ll fall in love with you too.
And if he wants to be in more of your life, he needs to take the next step to commit and make you his priority.
Otherwise, he can simply get in line with all the other cool stuff and other people you’ve got going on.
17) Let Him Miss You (just a little bit)
Speaking of giving space, your guy may hit a point in the dating process where he starts to pull away and needs more time alone.
This is usually when a man needs to check in with how he really feels about you and if he wants to continue dating.
Your reaction to his need for space will help him determine where things go (or don’t go) and could make (or break) his desire to commit to you.
A romantic relationship is a never-ending dance between independence and intimacy. Together time, and separate time. If you're always attached at the hip,
then there's no room for the love to flow between the two of you.
When someone pulls away, it’s human instinct to want to close that gap with them.
If you aren’t in a good place with yourself, someone pulling away may trigger feelings of insecurity and anxiety which you feel can only be remedied by getting more of that person.
But trying to close that distance between you two before he’s ready may push him even further away.
When a man pulls away, the best action to take is no action at all.
When a man pulls away, the best action to take is no action at all.
You’ll also have moments in your relationship where you need some space, and the last thing you would want him to do during those times is to be constantly reaching out to you.
The point of taking time away from someone is usually to clear your mind, reflect on your feelings, and get a different perspective on the situation.
Give your guy this same opportunity. Hold your ground and allow that space to be created.
You can say, “Take some time, come back when you want to talk about things. Just know I can’t wait forever.”
He can take some time and space, but you’re a desirable woman who knows her value and won’t be waiting around for him indefinitely.
This tip of giving a man space to pursue you can also be applied to learning how to be approachable and even how to get him to ask you out.
If you feel like men rarely approach you, giving them space to come to you – along with sending the right signals – can be all it takes to attract a man like a magnet.
And if you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Why don’t guys ask me out?” try bringing up a shared interest in the conversation, letting him know how much you’d like to do it, then give him the space to invite you to do it.
18) Keep Shaving Your Legs
When my female coaching clients say anything along the lines of, “I feel like guys just don’t like me,” one of the questions I respond with is, “How are you presenting yourself to them?”
Putting a little effort into your appearance – whether that’s sporting a nice sweater at the dog park or a hot red dress to the grocery store – is an important aspect when dating – and even beyond the dating phase.
But it’s actually more about how positive and empowered it makes you yourself feel rather than how attractive it makes you look to others.
Even as a teenager, I never resonated with the “I love being married because now I don’t have to shave my legs!” mentality.
How would you feel if your man said, “I’m in a relationship now so I don’t have to work out or brush my teeth anymore,” or “I’m married now, so I don’t have to be nice to my wife – she’s not going anywhere.”
Um, no thanks.
People come into and exit out of relationships all the time. Just because you initially attracted a man doesn’t mean you can stop doing all the things that attracted him to you.
Even more importantly, it’s crucial that you continue to feel sexy and attractive for yourself.
So if you want to get a man to commit without pressure, keep putting effort into yourself to remind him how much you value yourself – and that you still look hot in heels and a skirt.
Conclusion: Get him to commit (without pressure)
Remember, creating a relationship with a man is not an end goal – you want to create a relationship with the right man.
Being in a relationship simply starts a whole new journey together which comes with its own set of challenges and growth opportunities.
Love is a verb. It's an active engagement with all kinds of feelings -
positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones.
And it's often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow.
For example, in Aziz Ansari’s book Modern Romance, he describes two phases of love.
The first phase is Passionate Love, which is when you and your guy are totally head over heels crazy for each other in the honeymoon phase. That usually lasts a year to a year and a half.
Once that phase wears off, if you’re still together that Passionate Love transforms into the next phase of Companionate Love, where your brain and hormones quiet down, and you settle into more of a partnership.
Intimacy shifts to include a deeper connection and understanding of each other and create a more secure, grounded relationship.
Both of those phases have their own challenges to navigate.
That’s why choosing the right man to commit to is so important, because there will always be bumps in the road to navigate – but the right man will confidently stay the course with you.
Here’s a recap of the 18 ways to make a man commit without pressure
Enjoy Activities + Adventures
- 1) Try a New Experience
- 2) Treat Him to Dinner
- 3) Pack Your Bags
- 4) Learn Something Together
Create Connection + Commitment
- 5) Watch for Core Values
- 6) Be Your Consistent Self
- 7) Appreciate As Inspired
- 8) Get Vulnerable
- 9) Contribute Equally
- 10) Insert Some Flirt
- 11) Keep it Private
- 12) Fight Fairly
- 13) Set Expectations
- 14) Express Your Needs
- 15) Share Your Fears
Be Your Own Woman
- 16) Have a Life
- 17) Let Him Miss You a Little Bit
- 18) Keep Shaving Your Legs
Was this article helpful?
Share it with your followers to help them date and connect better!
As an Amazon Associate I may earn commission from qualifying purchases.
