How amazing would it be to have the skills and confidence to chat up anyone, anywhere, anytime?
That superpower sounds pretty great in theory – but the steps to actually develop it might feel slightly scary along the way.
(I can relate after growing up with social anxiety, then gradually pushing my comfort zone to become an Offline Dating coach, helping others make better connections and get dates IRL).
So, let’s break down the process and take things one step at a time…
Step 1: Awareness
Acknowledge where you are with your current social comfort and approachability level – it is what it is, so let’s own it.
Awareness of the problem is the mandatory first step to changing it, so let’s bring awareness to your feelings and what isn’t working for you right now.
Step 2: Action
Next, plan out small steps that go just beyond your comfort zone – ones that are just big enough to keep you moving forward, but not so big that you get into a situation that absolutely terrifies you.
That could mean going out with a friend to try a new activity or event where you can practice starting random conversations with people there (and have someone by your side for support as you go for it).
Or if you’re comfortable doing things solo, try different approaches to engage random people – even if you feel like you can’t talk to strangers… yet.
Maybe start with striking up a conversation with women, then move on to doing the same with men you aren’t attracted to – maybe elderly gentlemen (which they will absolutely love).
Watch people’s faces light up when you give them a compliment, or hold the door open for them.
These positive reactions will be the fuel and motivation for you to keep doing them. Because making someone else feel good is contagious – it’s impossible not to feel amazing yourself.
Also, chat up people in the service industries.
They’re paid to be nice to customers, and having you acknowledge them as a person instead of public servants can feel so refreshing for them.
Say “Thanks!” to the bus driver as he’s letting you off, ask how your waiter’s day is going and then genuinely listen to his response, or tell the pharmacist how much you can’t wait for spring to finally get here.
It’s not so much about what you say but just making the effort to emotionally connect and acknowledge someone.
Your New Superpower
All of these small actions will start rubbing off on you and begin building your confidence as “I’m someone who can make other people feel good.”
Which is easily built upon to eventually realize “I’m an awesome human being with a lot to offer.”
Because confidence is kind of like a muscle: the more you work it, the stronger it gets.
So the more you practice talking to people and see the effect you can have on them by simply saying a few words, the more successful and positive experiences you’ll gain with that…
…and the more confident you’ll become in your ability to start a conversation with anyone.