3 Phases to Attract Him *Without Apps*
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In this article, you'll discover...
- 14 reasons you don't have a boyfriend... yet
- 9 ways you unintentionally block love - and the secret to getting unblocked
- 3 phases to find your boyfriend and make him want you badly
Table of Contents
I want a boyfriend so badly
“Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” my client Sara asked me in one of our afternoon coaching sessions.
“I’ve done the inner work, I’m at a great place in my career, have a fabulous group of friends, and make a mean spicy five-bean turkey chili. I’m more than ready for him – but how do I find him?”
Having a loving, committed partner can be one of the best feelings in the world. It’s what we as humans are biologically wired to seek out and feel fulfilled by.
Having a loving, committed partner can be one of the best feelings in the world.
It's what we as humans are biologically wired to seek out and feel fulfilled by.
He’s the first person you share your wins with (“Honey, I got the promotion!”) and there to support you through the hard times (“I need a hug, babe; my great Aunt Mabel just passed away.”)
He’s your partner in crime to go on adventures with – whether that’s a spontaneous roadtrip to the beach or bringing spoons into Trader Joe’s to enjoy a tub of Ultra Chocolate ice cream as you grocery shop together.
When you want a companion, and feel ready for him, it’s frustrating to feel stuck wondering why you don’t have a boyfriend – and clueless on where to even start.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
Before we dive into attracting a great man, the first step to finding a boyfriend is to understand why you want one – because not all desires for partnership are created equally.
Maybe you were cleaning out your drawers and found a bracelet your ex from three years ago had given you, and you got a pang of missing all the good things he brought to your life.
Or perhaps Mom keeps pressuring you to “just find a guy and give me some grandchildren, already!”
Or, I mean, having a little help with the finances and parenting responsibilities would be nice, right?
Those are all motivations behind wanting to find a boyfriend, but they aren’t necessarily the right reasons to get into a relationship.
On the flip side, maybe you’ve done the inner work to truly be ready for a wonderful partnership.
You’ve taken time to heal from previous heartbreaks, understand the unique value you bring to the table, and truly excited to build a healthy, lifelong relationship together.
Because finding a boyfriend won’t magically solve all of life’s problems. And worse, if he’s the wrong man, he’ll just create even more for you. Looking at you, Nil.
Finding a boyfriend won't magically solve all of life's problems.
And worse, he's the wrong man, he'll just create even more for you.
But if you feel you’re in a good place and want a partner for the right reasons, yet can’t pinpoint why you don’t have a boyfriend right now, I’ll reveal the 14 reasons that may be stopping you…
…followed by the three phases to find your perfect partner – and make him want you badly.
14 reasons you don't have a boyfriend…yet
If you want a boyfriend but feel like you can’t find a good man, there are a few key aspects that may be preventing you from attracting him.
We’ll divide them up into external and internal factors…
External: The 5 Forces Against You
Listen, nobody’s into online dating… Not one human 21 to 71 years old that I’ve worked with – gay, straight, doesn’t matter. Nobody is excited about it.
If you’ve dated online, you don’t need me to tell you the many pitfalls of digital dating platforms.
A Hinge study of online dating found that only 1 in 500 swipes resulted in an exchange of phone numbers.
That’s five-hundred swipes just to get one phone number.
That doesn’t even guarantee you a date… let alone a quality man who’s ready for a committed relationship.
Even eHarmony says you have a better chance of meeting your partner through a friend than online…
Source: eHarmony
If you date online and found yourself asking, “Why is dating so hard?” the answer is quite simple:
Every time you enter the online dating arena, there are five digital “Dating Enemy” forces that are actively working against you to keep you single.
But just because they’re pulling the strings in your love life right now doesn’t mean you have to keep letting them; awareness is the first step to change.
So, let’s bring some awareness up in here, stat…
Dating Enemy #1: Our on-demand disposable culture
In the past decade, the dating world has changed a lot – and most singles would say not for the better.
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The number of ways you can “meet” a potential partner today is beyond overwhelming, making the number of people in the dating pool seem endless.
Our fast-consumption, on-demand social media culture uses this to create an epidemic of FOMO (“fear of missing out”), where choosing to invest in one person encourages anxiety that you might be missing out on a better option who’s just one more swipe away.
Not to mention that if you have an online profile, you’re sharing your personal photos, relationships, and major life events, long before you’ve ever even said hello to the strangers who are privy to all of that.
All of these factors allow the cover of your book to be judged, attacked, or passed over, without the chance to be actually seen and understood for who you truly are, which can make you wonder, “Will I ever find love?”
Dating Enemy #2: The Paralyzing “Paradox of Choice”
In his book The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz describes how having too many options can significantly decrease happiness.
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In the digital dating world, there are thousands of dating apps on the market – with big players like Tinder boasting an estimated 75 million users.
Exposing yourself to even a fraction of that number of people is enough to trigger “analysis paralysis,” where you become so overwhelmed by choices that you’re unable to make any decision at all – i.e. the more single you stay.
Dating Enemy #3: Apps are designed to keep you single
It actually makes sense, right?
As soon as you find a relationship, they lose you as a customer. Which means they have every incentive to keep you single. Forever.
As soon as you find a relationship, dating apps lose you as a customer. Which means they have every incentive to keep you single. Forever.
That’s why they’ve been designed to tap into your addictive instincts and are modeled after casino games: to keep you constantly coming back for more.
And when you get into a daily habit of mindlessly swiping for hours, time passes you by even faster.
You may think you’re just one profile away from your future husband, so you keep waiting, looking, and swiping – wasting hours every single day, with little to no results to show for it.
Dating Enemy #4: Boys behaving badly behind a screen
Another reason why you may not have a boyfriend may be because studies show that people (of which the majority are men), often behave badly once they get behind a screen.
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Technology allows people to hide their identity, enabling them to do and say horrible things to each other without any real repercussions – and without even leaving the house.
It also encourages people to treat others like disposable commodities – like shopping on Amazon for humans.
OkCupid, Tinder… they all operate (and thrive) on this instant, fast-food-addicted culture where people hide behind a screen.
If you’re like most women who’ve dated online or used an app, you’ve probably been ghosted, sent an “unsolicited” picture (or five), lied to, sexually harassed, bullied, stalked, or worse.
As one woman on Quora described the online dating world, in her own words…
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Source: Quora
Any of those hit a little too close to home for you?
No wonder research shows that you actually have a better chance of meeting your match in the real world, with one study showing only 17% of marriages were from couples who met online.
Because honestly, your happily ever after doesn’t start on Tinder.
Not because it can’t – but because you don’t want it to.
Dating Enemy #5: Anti-Social Media
Human behavior may have adapted to the speed of modern technology, but the human need for social fulfillment has not.
No wonder it’s been shown that people who are addicted to social media (which inherently deprives them of time with people face-to-face) have a higher risk of suffering from depression.
Humans haven’t lost the need to connect. We’ve simply changed the ways we attempt to do it – and many would say not for the better.
Humans haven’t lost the need to connect. We’ve simply changed the ways we attempt to do it – and many would say not for the better.
Even worse, with no regulations around the conglomerates that are leading the online dating industry, our current situation is likely to become even worse.
Now, I have some good news and some bad news about those five external factors…
The bad news is that, if you choose to date online, those factors will always be working against you, 24/7 – because good luck getting the multi-billion-dollar online dating industry to change the way it makes money.
The good news is that it’s entirely up to you whether you want to continue depending on systems that are stacked against you to find your partner, or want to try a better approach: Offline Dating.
Also known as dating in real life, without the apps.
Choosing to ditch the dating apps and start making more connections in real life comes with seven key Offline Dating Advantages:
Offline Dating Advantage #1: Competition is minimal
Why subject yourself to a space where you’re competing against tens of thousands of other women and can easily be swiped-over?
Meeting a man in the real world naturally gives you his full undivided attention – and attraction.
Offline Dating Advantage #2: It’s instant confirmation of the basics
When you’re face-to-face with someone, there’s zero chance either of you can lie about what you look like or fake your social skills – which saves you days or even weeks of getting emotionally attached to a man who more than likely isn’t representing himself honestly online.
Offline Dating Advantage #3: It saves you precious time and energy
Sifting through hundreds of profiles and messages takes your already-scarce free time away.
The average online dater spends 10-15 hours per week just to get one date – seriously, who has time for that?
Offline Dating Advantage #4: It’s really, really fun
If you have a day full of errands – going to the post office, bank, dry cleaners – why not take advantage of those existing opportunities to meet a special guy who’s doing the same things?
Popping into the grocery store to grab some kombucha and get a date for the weekend?
Yes, please!
Offline Dating Advantage #5: You will be treated much better
Online dating has become so convenient that many people, unfortunately, don’t value it – nor the people they encounter there.
When we’re looking someone in the eye in real time, we naturally step up to the plate and put a more respectful foot forward. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Offline Dating Advantage #6: You’re more likely to find a real match
A Gizmodo study confirmed that people can’t tell from a picture how good of a potential partner someone else would make for them.
When you’re face-to-face with some, you can feel into that energy exchange and gain a much better assessment of potential compatibility and attraction.
Offline Dating Advantage #7: You’ll satisfy your fundamental need for connection
Creating meaningful touchpoints throughout your day – whether for purposes of getting a date, making a new friend, or just enjoying a moment of connection – fulfills your essential need for human connection, which was found to be just as important as our need for food and shelter.
Internal: The 9 Sneaky Self-Sabotagers
In addition to the five digital Dating Enemies, which are the external factors working against you, there are also internal barriers that are likely blocking your path to love.
And luckily, each internal barrier is entirely within your control to change – once you have the right tools.
Even better, each of the steps can – and should – be done without dating apps.
But first: Who am I, and how do I know about all of this dating stuff?
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I’m Camille Virginia, best-selling author of The Offline Dating Method and founder of Master Offline Dating, where I help women attract great men in the real world – without braving the savage world of dating apps.
Over the past eight years, I’ve taught over 100 live Offline Dating workshops, reached subscribers from over 120 different countries, written two best-selling books, and have been featured in 100+ international media outlets including the Atlantic, Cosmopolitan, InStyle, BBC, and USA Today.
Camille Virginia and Master Offline Dating have been featured in…
I’ve been mastering this art for years by simply living out my passion and honing a talent for connecting with others in person, including meeting and dating men.
It wasn’t always that way though.
I’m an introvert, and I grew up with social anxiety – not just in my interactions with men, but with everyone.
(and I mean, couldn’t-even-look-someone-in-the-eye shy, let alone talk to them)
So I understand the sheer terror at the thought of meeting men in the real world, as well as being constantly haunted by thoughts of, “Why don’t I have a boyfriend? And where do I even find one?”
I finally got tired of feeling socially and romantically clueless.
So, I started taking small steps outside my comfort zone (like going to a party alone and making myself meet one new person) to gradually build up my confidence, especially around men.
And as I practiced, I saw the number of times guys were asking for my phone number climb into the triple digits – without ever going online or using any apps.
Finally, my friends asked how I was able to meet all these guys in real life. And so, being a corporate consultant at the time, I created a PowerPoint presentation for them on how to meet men!
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Eventually, that presentation turned into a live workshop, which I taught over 100 times to single women across Chicago.
Those events not only helped me refine my material to support women’s biggest dating painpoints, but my workshop students would reach out to me almost daily with their own success stories as they applied my tips.
I knew this unique and helpful workshop material needed to reach more people – so, I started my business, Master Offline Dating, as well as created online courses and several coaching programs to help as many women as possible get these invaluable skills and insights.
After now coaching thousands of singles around the world, I started to see patterns emerge and realized each woman was getting stuck on one of nine main aspects – i.e. internal barriers – that was blocking their path to love.
Here are the top nine internal barriers that prevent great women like you from having a boyfriend…
- You're hauling unresolved baggage
- Your life is a total cluster
- You forgot how awesome you are
- You're not super approachable
- You don't know how to talk to guys
- You can't get a date to save your life
- You always attract the wrong men
- You don’t let the right men chase you
- You settle for "situationships" instead of commitment
3 phases to find a boyfriend - and make him want you badly
The great news is that each of those internal barriers is an opportunity to not only attract the partner who’s right for you, but also become your best self and live a fabulous life in the process.
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This is why I developed my three-phase system the Find Love Offline Formula, so you can quickly diagnose which step you’re stuck on and get the tools to progress toward the loving relationship you deserve…
Phase I: Confidence
Step 1: Accept that you’re worthy of love
Step 2: Get your life together
Step 3: Understand what men look for in a woman
Phase II: Connection
Step 4: Learn how to be approachable
Step 5: Discover how to talk to guys
Step 6: Trigger emotional attraction in a man
Phase III: Commitment
Step 7: Reveal how to attract the right man
Step 8: Know what makes a man chase a woman
Step 9: Make him commit without pressure
After providing this step-by-step system to my clients, the results they started seeing were incredible.
One client, who was stuck on Step 2, finally took action to clean up her house and make it a comfortable space – and suddenly she got the active social life she’d been craving for years.
She could now have her friends (and dates!) over to her home without apologizing for the mess or feeling judged for being a little disorganized.
Another client knew she was unapproachable but was unsure of how to fix it.
After applying just a few of my approachability tips from Step 4, she was shocked to have three men approach her within the same day, in everyday places like the drug store and the dog park.
One of my readers who was constantly stuck in a “first date rut” – i.e. never getting past a first date with men – learned my secret to creating a meaningful connection with a man from Step 6.
Not only was she able to soar past the first date with a special guy, but they just celebrated their third wedding anniversary together.
This powerful three-phase system works for any woman and is able to take you from feeling frustrated about not having a boyfriend to having the power to attract any man you desire.
No matter your age, ethnicity, living location, or how long it’s been since you’ve had a relationship or even a date, the Find Love Offline Formula helps you diagnose the often-hidden reason why you don’t have a boyfriend yet – and, more importantly, walks you through how to find him.
Let’s dive into each of the three phases in more detail…
Phase I: Confidence
The first phase starts with releasing your past baggage and building your confidence, including…
- Identifying your unique roadblocks and belief patterns that are holding you back.
- Creating your quality life so you can attract a quality man (who also has one).
- Falling head over heels in love with yourself - so the right man naturally will too!
Step 1: Release the baggage
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Whether you’ve been married, had a series of long-term relationships, or even just found yourself crushin’ on that cute guy at your morning bus stop, chances are you’ve experienced heartbreak.
The more people you’ve deeply cared about in your life, the more pain you’ve likely experienced.
Even small disappointments, like a few not-so-great dates in a row, can build up over the years and become an emotional burden.
If you don’t actively work to heal those wounds, learn the lessons those experiences taught you, and get closure from the pain, those situations can start weighing you down – like an invisible suitcase you’ve been lugging around for so long you don’t even feel the weight of it anymore.
It’s simply become your new normal.
Just like the barriers that prevent you from having a boyfriend, past dating and relationship baggage about men comes in both external and internal forms.
Internally, it may show up as negative thoughts, like….
- "Guys don't date anymore!"
- "Why do guys lose interest?"
- "What's wrong with guys today?"
- "Men can't be trusted."
- "I'm not worthy of love."
Any of those sound familiar?
If so, please know you’re not alone – but you do have to clear those out before you’re ready to attract lasting love back into your life.
Plus, you’ll feel so much better once you get rid of those defeating feelings that aren’t serving you anymore. So long, suitcase of pain!
In Step 1, I’ll show you my Three Stages to Overcome a Negative Mindset Barrier so you can disprove and heal the mindset myths that have been holding you back.
- Stage 1 | Awareness: Discover negative mindsets are weighing you down and blocking love.
- Stage 2 | Appreciation: Understand the purpose each served and have gratitude for it.
- Stage 3 | Antidote: Disprove the negative mindset and replace it with the positive opposite.
Once you work through that three-step process, you’ll enjoy benefits such as…
- Lightening your emotional load
- Stop the attracting wrong people
- Enjoying a more powerful transformation
Step 2: Get your life together
Next up: If you want a boyfriend who’s quality, you need to get your life in order before you meet him.
If you want a quality boyfriend, you need to get your life in order before you meet him.
Having a high quality of life filled with aspects like a career you enjoy, quality relationships, and a comfortable home environment not only boost your self-confidence, but they’re also super attractive to potential partners.
Because in addition to the baggage we carry from past relationships, life can occasionally throw you a curveball.
Sometimes it happens acutely, like a splash of cold water in the face – a health scare, a demanding new client at work, or suddenly needing to spend $5,000 on a new furnace – which quickly raises your stress level and throws a wet blanket over your entire quality of life.
But life can feel difficult even without a big event to pinpoint feelings of unhappiness to.
Trying to answer a vague, all-encompassing question, like “Why is life so hard?” can feel completely overwhelming.
In the case of this more chronic unhappiness, some of the underlying reasons may include…
- You don't have any long terms goals that you're working toward.
- Your messy home is contributing to a feeling of overwhelm and shame.
- You can't help but constantly compare yourself to others - especially on social media.
- You don't make enough time for fun - and forgot what even makes you happy.
- You're settling for being treated less than you deserve in your relationships.
No matter which life obstacles you’re facing – acute or chronic – once you start taking action to improve your life, you’ll start to enjoy incredible benefits such as…
- Men will step it up for you.
- Make a killer first impression on everyone.
- Never miss a spontaneous opportunity.
- Start putting yourself first.
- Enjoy less overwhelm and more free time.
- Always have interesting things to talk about.
- Attract the right people.
Learning how to get your life together not only helps reveal why you don’t have a boyfriend but enables you to attract a high-value man in the process – even if you feel you’re too busy to date.
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In Step 2, I’ll show you how to prioritize your life using my 5 Acts to Attract a High-Quality Man by getting your own life in tip-top shape:
- Act 1 | Assess: Reveal who and what you've been prioritizing.
- Act 2 | Accept: Take responsibility for your reality.
- Act 3 | Aspire: Dream big; then dream even bigger.
- Act 4 | Adios: Release what - and who - is no longer serving you.
- Act 5 | Align: Design your life to support your dreams.
To attract a quality man who has his life together, you first have to become a quality woman who has her own life together.
Step 3: Fall in love with yourself
If you’ve done the work to release your past relationship baggage and have the major areas of your life in order, the reason you still can’t find a boyfriend may be because you’ve forgotten just how incredibly awesome you are.
After one too many disappointing dates or awkward encounters with men, it’s easy to ask yourself, “Why don’t guys like me?”
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But how much do men like confident women?
Answer: a lot.
As one smart cookie once said, “Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear.”
Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear.
Unfortunately, most people don’t sit around thinking about how great they are or the unique contribution they can bring to their future relationship. Chances are that you, like most people, probably do the opposite by being overly critical of yourself.
Humans are wired to think about the negative more than the positive. This served us back in the day as a constant reminder to not get too comfy and stay on high alert for potential life threats.
But in these safer modern times, we don’t need those same intense instincts and negative thoughts about ourselves in the same way.
And left unchecked, they can even lead to compromising mental health.
The education system didn’t teach you how to overcome these negative biases or how to get to know yourself and the value you bring to your relationships. But I’ll help you do that in Step 3.
If you want a boyfriend, you must fall in love with yourself before expecting a man to.
I’ll show you how by revealing your five secret dating superpowers that combine to make you unlike any other woman on the planet, so you – and he – can see just how special you truly are.
- Superpower #1: Your Personality
- Superpower #2: Your Hobbies + Interests
- Superpower #3: Your Values
- Superpower #4: Your Passions
- Superpower #5: Your Purpose
Once you discover and unlock these superpowers, you’ll be able to…
- Become instantly intriguing
- Attract like-minded people
- Fall in love with yourself
- Radiate self-confidence
- Be seen as "One in a Billion"
- Achieve anything you put your mind to
- Become a much happier woman
Phase II: Connection
The second phase of our journey in discovering why you don’t have a boyfriend (including how to find him and make him want you badly) is mastering the art of connection.
After you’ve released emotional baggage, started getting your life in order, and sent your self-confidence soaring to new heights, it’s time to start attracting the right people.
The steps in this phase will help you master essential conversation skills so that you can…
- Exude an air of allure and approachability everywhere you go.
- Learn how to talk with men with zero risk of rejection.
- Discover my simple secrets to get any man to ask you out.
Step 4: Be approachable
Just like you probably didn’t take a “Confidence 101” class in school, you also likely didn’t have an “Approachability 101” class either.
Watching a man approach your friend while you sit on the sidelines can be frustrating and make you wonder why guys don’t approach you.
Before women obtained equal rights as men (so basically, the vast majority of human existence), we had to constantly be on alert to defend ourselves against members of the opposite sex.
If a woman was attacked by a man back in, say, 857 AD, there was no 911 to call – and often little to no social repercussions for the man.
Even in some cultures today, the woman is still blamed if a man attacks or sexually assaults her, which is beyond infuriating.
My point is this: It’s a woman’s natural instinct to be unapproachable, because that trait served our female ancestors in reducing the chance of being targeted by a man.
But, just like our thoughts tend to default to negative, our unapproachability simply doesn’t serve us in the same way these days.
Though we still have a ways to go on many fronts, right now is the safest time for women in all of history.
So, overriding that inherent tendency to be a bit standoffish often needs to be a conscious effort until it can become your natural way of being.
Simply put: if you want to be more approachable, it’s going to take a little practice – at least in the short term. I’ll walk you through exactly how to do it in Step 4.
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Approachability is something I had to learn over many years, often the hard way (which provided me with a repertoire of embarrassing stories).
Like the time I was making eyes with a man across the room at a professional lunch event as I was sitting down at a table…
…only to completely missed the chair and fall butt-first onto the floor in front of everyone in the room.
#NotApproachable.
I’ve taken all the lessons from hundreds of those experiences and created Three Pillars of Approachability to show you the art of approachability, so every time you walk out the door you attract men like a magnet – without saying a word.
- Pillar 1: How to look more attractive to men (8 ways)
- Pillar 2: How to get a guy's attention in 2 simple steps
- Pillar 3: How to attract a man like a magnet with 7 key tips
Once you master the art of approachability, you’ll be able to…
- Enjoy zero risk of rejection
- Feel socially confident
- Attract the right men like a magnet
- Never feel invisible again
- Get more time back in your day
Step 5: Learn how to talk to guys
Approachability is the first step in getting a potential future boyfriend to make a move on you – but what happens after that?
Once a guy comes up to you, what do you say to him?
Or, what do you say to him to keep the conversation going?
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If you feel like you don’t know how to talk to guys, that’s definitely a contributing factor as to why you don’t have a boyfriend yet. It’s kinda hard to be in a relationship if you can’t talk to your partner.
Personally, I had to learn how to start a conversation with a guy the same way I learned what makes a man approach a woman: The hard way.
Keep in mind, I used to be so shy that I couldn’t even look men in the eye, let alone talk to them.
I still remember my cringe-worthy memory of the time I was in sixth grade, walking down the hall at school, and – literally – ran into the tall, blond, and gorgeous boy from my tennis class, Aaron.
My books and papers went flying, and I was so mortified I couldn’t find anything to say to him as I was picking everything up.
If that wasn’t bad enough, I must have hurt his feelings by not acknowledging him, because as I walked away, he said, “Geez, don’t say hi or anything, Camille.”
Ouch. That one still stings.
But it was one of several motivating, “How can I avoid this ever happening to me again?” scenarios that encouraged me to push out of my comfort zone, conquer my social fears, and discover how to talk to men with confidence.
I began smiling at men as I passed them in the grocery store, then kept on walking without stopping so I didn’t feel pressured to actually talk to them.
I started going to parties by myself (which felt terrifying at the time) and wouldn’t let myself leave until I met one new person.
Gradually I overcame my social fears and actually fell in love with connecting with people – including men.
In Step 5, I’ve gathered up all my lessons learned, as well as my top five rejection-proof icebreakers, so you can learn how to chat up any guy in a fraction of the time (and with much less awkwardness) it took me.
When you discover how to have a conversation with absolutely anyone, a whole new world will open up for you – you’ll be able to…
- Turn your errands into adventures.
- Easily talk to anyone.
- Feel in control of every conversation.
- Never regret a missed opportunity.
- Create instant rapport.
- Attract the right people to you.
- Honor your feelings first.
- Satisfy your innate need for connection.
- Validate yourself on a deeper level.
I’ll also reveal my five rejection-proof icebreakers anyone can use – including example scripts so you can see them put to actual use.
Step 6: Create an emotional connection
The next challenge my female clients have with trying to find a boyfriend is that they can’t even get to a first date, let alone a relationship.
They ask questions like, “Why don’t guys ask me out?” or “Why can’t I get a date?” – including my extrovert clients, who are comfortable chatting up just about anyone yet can’t quite seal the deal with men they’re attracted to.
There are two key parts to securing a date with a man. When you master the first part, the second will be a total breeze…
- Understand what triggers emotional attraction in a man
- Discover how to get a guy to ask you out
Once you discover the little-known, feel-good secret of how to connect with a man emotionally, you’ll start getting more dates than you know what to do with.
My Five Elements of a Meaningful Conversation will walk you through exactly how to do it:
- Element 1: Genuine Curiosity
- Element 2: Comfortable Silence
- Element 3: Empathic Listening
- Element 4: Zero Judgement
- Element 5: Sexy Contribution
After you know how to trigger his emotional attraction, getting a guy to ask you out is actually the easy part.
You won’t be able to stop him from asking for your number so he can spend more time with you!
I’ll show you how to do both in Step 6.
There are a few tales of caution though, including my honest answer to, “Should I ask him out?” (which can completely backfire if you’re not doing it for the right reasons).
Once you know how to create a great conversation with a man and how to get him to ask you out, here are some of the instant and lifelong benefits you’ll enjoy…
Instant Benefits
- #1 Conversations become energizing experiences
- #2 Filter out the wrong men faster
- #3 Step into the position of being selective
- #4 Create a fulfilling connection with anyone
- #5 Never endure another awkward silence again
- #6 People will quickly trust and confide in you
- #7 Men seriously can't get enough of you
- #8 Receive powerful insights into your own life
- #9 Enjoy the memory-boosting gift of total recall
Lifelong Benefits
- #10 Connect with your future man on a deeper level
- #11 Avoid making painful (and expensive) life decisions
- #12 Feel fulfillment through positive impact
- #13 Finally lose that lonely feeling
Phase III: Commitment
The final phase to understanding why you don’t have a boyfriend (plus how to find one and make him want you badly) is navigating from casual dating into a loving committed relationship.
In Phase III, we’ll tap into your own specific brand of specialness so you can…
- Naturally charm every man you meet and let him come to you
- Attract the right man to you like a magnet - without saying a word
- Go from casual dating to making him want to commit without pressure
Step 7: Confirm he's the right man
After learning how to master the art of offline dating, I’ve been asked out by nearly 300 men – without ever going online.
But if you’re like most women, you don’t want just any man – you want to know how to spot when you meet the right man.
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Finding the guy who’s a great match for your unique self is absolutely crucial. If you pick the wrong guy, no resources, advice, or coaching down the road can ever make him the right one. Trust me, I’ve tried.
If you pick the wrong guy, no resources, advice, or coaching down the road can ever make him the right one.
After years of attracting the wrong men, I finally realized that the aspects I was using to screen men early in the dating process (like instant chemistry, sexy charisma, and good credentials) didn’t match what I wanted in a long-term partner (total honesty, genuine kindness, and self-awareness).
I learned that the values of a good man are what count, but also that they can take a little time to be revealed.
In Step 7, I’ll walk you through my three-part process to attract the right man into your life:
Having the power to instantly spot men who have the potential to be right for you, and screening out the wrong ones, includes benefits such as…
- Avoiding the wrong men before you get emotionally attached
- Spotting hidden gems of men you've been missing
- Having your future partnership be 10 times easier
Step 8: Let him chase you
Men love the chase, it’s in their DNA. Think back to our hunter-gatherer days of men tracking down the big bad woolly mammoth to feed the village – and understand that similar instincts still live within guys today.
So, if you want to know why you don’t have a boyfriend – and how to find one – you must learn what makes a man chase a woman (hint: don’t chase him; let him come to you).
Now, you don’t want men who only enjoy the chase and then lose interest as soon as they catch you.
But if you want to fast-track your way to a relationship with a great guy, you must incorporate an element of the chase.
This doesn’t mean playing games or hard to get, it simply means letting the man do some of the work, so he values you even more.
For years I would take the lead by asking men out and then planning the date, and declining their offers to help me put on my coat or open the car door for me.
I was desperate to show them that I was “so easy to be with” and low maintenance.
But in the process, I wasn’t being true to myself – and honestly, I completely hated playing it cool.
On top of it being an unenjoyable process, it stripped the men of the fun part for them – the chase – and actually turned them off from me.
They didn’t have to do any work to keep me interested, so they didn’t value me – and honestly, I was showing them that I didn’t value myself.
So how do you get a guy to chase you? There are two key aspects…
1. Embrace your feminine energy when dating (I’ll give you 26 simple ways to do it)
2. Discover how to flirt with a guy (without being obvious) – including flirty things to say to him
Once you master Step 8 and know how to apply those two aspects in your life, you’ll be able to:
- Instantly boost your mood
- Show your interest in a guy in a safe way
- Let the man take the lead
- Enjoy never getting friend-zoned again
- Be seen as valuable and desirable
- Discover lifelong attraction tools
Step 9: Get him to commit
The last reason you don’t have a boyfriend right now may be that even when you find a wonderful man, there’s no guarantee you can get him to want a committed relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time a client said, “Why do guys never want a relationship with me?” I’d have… well, a boatload of nickels.
In Step 9, I’ll give you 14 key reasons why he won’t commit to you right now, and, more importantly, show you 18 simple, authentic approaches that will inspire him to make you two official.
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Commitment is never about forcing or manipulating one person into an arrangement they don’t want to be in; it needs to be desired on some level by both people.
But sometimes a guy just needs a gentle, loving nudge to know that committing to you comes with a whole new level of incredible, lifelong benefits once you both feel ready for it.
Which step are you stuck on?
If you’re like many of my female coaching clients, you may feel there’s just something that keeps preventing you from attracting the man of your dreams – but you can’t quite put your finger on it.
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It’s easy to feel doomed to keep repeating the same frustration and mistakes without actually moving forward toward the love you deserve.
That’s why I created the Find Love Offline Formula to address each of the nine internal barriers that keep great women like you from attracting the right man – and more importantly, how to overcome each of them.
Because if you’re feeling stuck, frustrated, like your love life is some version of Groundhog Day, the solution is actually quite simple: You just need to know which step you’re stuck on!
Is it Step 1: Magic Mindset Detox, where the emotions and experiences from your past are preventing you from moving forward?
Or Step 6: Asked Out Organically, where you’re comfortable chatting up just about anyone, but never seem to get asked out by men you’re attracted to?
Or maybe it’s Step 9: Casual to Committed, where you can have a great first or second date, and feel a deep connection with the guy – but then he completely ghosts you and you’re left wondering what happened.
Find Love Offline will show you exactly which step you’re stuck on – and give you the tools to push past that barrier and start attracting commitment-ready men IRL.
You’ll literally have your pick of men – and be in total control of selecting which one is right for you.
Gone will be the days of wondering, “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” – you’ll be too focused on the wonderful man who’s in your life and how to make him want you badly.
That means you’ll go from feeling single and stuck to becoming the woman who attracts quality men like a magnet wherever she goes.
The Find Love Offline Formula will help you go from feeling single and stuck to becoming the woman who attracts quality men like a magnet wherever she goes.
Why the full 3-phase transformation is crucial
Life would be so much easier if we could just apply one tip and instantly get the result we want – or meet our perfect match, then go live happily ever after together.
But unfortunately, information and advice alone will only get you part of the way to the results you desire – tactics are useless if there are deeper issues that haven’t been addressed.
If you meet your perfect match but haven’t done the inner work to be relationship-ready for him, it won’t last.
In his book Don’t Trust Your Gut, researcher Seth Stephens-Davidowitz brought together studies from 86 scientists involving 11,000 couples who had been together in long-term relationships.
His findings discovered one’s own happiness outside a relationship is by far the biggest predictor of one’s happiness in a romantic relationship.
More specifically, the best three questions to figure out whether John is happy with Sally have nothing to do with Sally – they are entirely related to John.
- “John, were you satisfied with your life before you met Sally?”
- “John, were you free from depression before you met Sally?”
- “John, did you have a positive affect before you met Sally?”
Researchers found that people who answered “yes” to these questions are more likely to report being happy in their romantic relationship.
Or, as Seth put it, “In other words, a person who is happy outside their relationship is far more likely to be happy inside their relationship, as well.”
So, if you want to change your way of being and attract what you want in life – including a great partner for the long term – you need a complete transformation to start becoming your best self.
If you want to change your way of being and attract everything you want in your life you need a complete transformation to start becoming your best self.
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You need to release the old ways of being that are no longer serving you and are actually preventing you from moving forward.
You have to raise your self-confidence and know your unique value and self-worth. You want to radiate natural attraction energy to pull the right men toward you like a magnet.
My advice throughout all of my articles is given through the lens of offline dating – i.e. dating without the apps in the real world.
But much of what I’ll share can be applied in both the offline dating and online dating realms – such as boosting your confidence, living your best life, and knowing how to flirt.
Just like an effective weight loss program or learning how to play the ukulele, complete transformation doesn’t happen overnight.
But, if you stick with it and make a little progress every day or even every week, it can completely change your life and get you where you want to go – likely even faster than you thought possible.
Focus on and celebrate small wins – and the big ones too!
Before you know it, your new habits will simply become your beautiful, confident, natural new way of being and you’ll be able to achieve anything – and attract anyone – your heart desires.
Conclusion: Will I ever find love?
In my dark days of being single, I’d constantly overanalyze why everyone else was able to enjoy wonderful partnerships, and I was left wondering why I didn’t have a boyfriend.
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If you’re wondering if you’ll ever find love, the answer is: It’s 100% possible for you, even if you…
- Are an introvert or really shy around men you're attracted to - or heck, around everyone.
- Feel like you're not pretty/smart/young/funny enough to be with someone right now.
- Haven't had a secure relationship or even a good date in months (or years).
- Run a complicated life with lots to juggle - job, health, family, kids.
- Have a fear of being taken advantage of or having your heart broken again.
- Have given up hope on men and dating after one (or twelve) too many awful experiences.
So, how do you find a boyfriend?
After decades of experiences, lessons, and insights into my own relationships, followed by helping thousands of women around the world attract great men in the real world – without dating apps – I’ve created a 3-phase process to help you do the same.
If you want to find a great guy (and make him want you badly), simply follow the 3 phases of the Find Love Offline Formula to remove the internal barriers and finally attract the loving relationship of your dreams…
Phase I: Confidence
Step 1: Accept that you’re worthy of love
Step 2: Get your life together
Step 3: Understand what men look for in a woman
Phase II: Connection
Step 4: Learn how to be approachable
Step 5: Discover how to talk to guys
Step 6: Trigger emotional attraction in a man
Phase III: Commitment
Step 7: Reveal how to attract the right man
Step 8: Know what makes a man chase a woman
Step 9: Make him commit without pressure
Each blog offers a ton of tips, techniques, and resources, all delivered in bite-sized sections to help simplify concepts and make taking action as easy as possible for you.
You’ll see hyperlinks throughout to explore more articles on related topics that may be of interest.
And if you ever want to stop reading and have the information delivered to you instead, I invite you to join my go-at-your-own-pace courses.
After so many bad dates or online disappointments, it’s easy to lose hope that you’ll ever find love. I completely understand and empathize.
But if you’ve been trying to figure out why you don’t have a boyfriend, the fact that you’re reading this right now means you’re already on the right track.
It shows that you’re willing to do what it takes to push past the barriers that are blocking your path to the love you deserve.
The fact that you're reading this article right now means that you're already on the right track to finding a wonderful boyfriend.
Sometimes, all you need is a small shift for everything else to fall into alignment.
That means you do not – I repeat, do not – need to apply all the tips I provide in order to start seeing great results in your own life.
Simply write down insights as they come to you and choose the approaches that sound exciting or interesting – that’s the signal a tip is meant just for you.
Creating your own custom roadmap of tips will help you feel aligned, as well as enjoy the process of meeting new people.
Finding the fun will inspire you to practice more, which means you’ll enjoy even better results!
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