10 Sneaky (But Fixable) Reasons You’re Unhappy
In this article, you'll discover...
- 10 hidden reasons why life feels so hard right now (and why it's not all your fault)
- The biological reason you're not living your best life yet – and what to do about it
- 9 benefits of building an extraordinary life so you can attract an extraordinary man
Table of Contents
Why is life so hard?
If you’re feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, even just trying to answer the question, “Why is life so hard?” can feel completely overwhelming.
Everyone experiences acute hardships in life – like a loved one getting into a car accident or a work layoff. But those situations also make it easy to pinpoint and understand why life feels hard in the moment.
On the other hand, when you’re feeling a general malaise, maybe from various challenges built up over time, it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly why you’re unhappy – which, of course, makes it even harder to fix things.
In the case of the more chronic feelings around why life feels so difficult, some of the underlying causes for that may include…
- You have no long-term goals you're working toward
- Your messy home is contributing to a feeling of isolation and shame
- You're constantly comparing yourself to others
- You've forgotten how to have fun or what brings you joy
- You're settling for less than you deserve in your relationships
So, how do you replace the not-so-fun game of constantly asking yourself, “Why is life so hard?” with taking steps to build the fulfilling, happy life you desire?
First, we need to discover the source of your unhappiness, which we’ll do in this article, then we’ll cover how to prioritize your life in the next article.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
Why life is so hard: 10 sneaky (but fixable) reasons
As Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs reminds us, you must first take care of your basic needs like food, water, and shelter before focusing on higher-level needs like love and belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization.
So if you don’t want life to feel so hard, first ensure you have the basics in place – including a genuine sense of safety in your environment, your relationships, and your ability to earn an income.
After confirming your base physiological needs are taken care of, the next level is safety needs – like safety, employment, and health.
Outside of sudden emergencies that aren’t entirely within your control, let’s look at ten of the most common reasons that life feels hard so you can start making improvements and ditch the script, “Why is life so hard?”
1) You're wired for a negative default
As covered in my article, What’s Wrong With Guys Today? 8 Traits to Avoid Like the Plague, humans tend to default to negative thoughts – like, “Why is life so hard?” or “Guys don’t date anymore!” – as an awareness technique to ensure our ancestors’ survival.
But we don’t need those ancient instincts in the same way as we used to, because there’s no more constant threat of a saber-toothed tiger pouncing on you upon leaving your cave.
Which means that negative way of thinking is often doing more harm than good these days.
Negative mindsets like those can show up as constant complaints or feelings of complacency, which make it easier to wallow instead of take action to improve a situation.
2) You're not setting or working toward any goals
One aspect of not having life feel so challenging is to get clear on your desires and set goals to achieve them.
Humans are at our happiest when we’re progressing toward achieving something, which could be as big as starting a new woodworking business, or as small as learning how to fold the perfect origami crane.
Making progress every day gives you purpose and a sense of accomplishment that each day you’re closer to or better at something than you were the day before.
Making progress every day gives you purpose and a sense of accomplishment that each day you're closer to or better at something than you were the day before.
This is also the difference between simply existing and actually living.
It reminds you that where you are now isn’t always where you’re going to be and that you’re headed toward a goal – not just floating around without direction.
When you learn how to start aligning your daily tasks to support your goals, life will start to feel a lot easier and more fulfilling.
3) Your home is a disaster zone
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why am I so stressed and unhappy?” a good place to start is with the environments you spend the most time in.
As Bobby Berk, lead designer on the Netflix show, Queer Eye, puts it…
Taking care of your home, it's like medicine for your soul. Minimizing the chaos and clutter in your home allows you to minimize the chaos and clutter in your mind.
When you wake up in the morning and look around your room, what emotions come up?
As you walk through your front door after a long day at work, do you feel relaxed and comforted – or even more stressed at seeing all the half-finished projects lying around?
Humans are visual creatures, which means it’s very hard for you to block out visual chaos or turn off the guilt of, “I should do the dishes / start the laundry / clean the bathroom sink….”
It’s often easier to just clear some space on the couch next to that week-old pile of dirty clothes and turn on some Hulu to try to mentally escape the overwhelm.
Put that cycle of stress-overwhelm-escape on repeat every day for weeks, months, or even years and not only does it become your new normal, but the stress, guilt, and piles of dirty clothes will just continue to build up.
You may even start asking yourself, “Why is life so freakin’ hard!?” when all you really need to do is spend an hour putting away the laundry, or finish painting your room so you can finally toss out those crusty paint cans.
4) You waste time on short-term trivialities
Another reason why you may not be happy is that you’re focusing too much on in-the-moment indulgences.
We live in an instant gratification culture, exacerbated by the internet and social media. I mean, if a webpage takes more than half a second to load, you can feel frustration and annoyance instantly kick in.
But typically the best things in life are the ones that take time, patience, and effort – like creating a meaningful friendship, running a 5K, or saving up to take mom on a two-week vacation through the south of France.
Working toward a long-term benefit also makes you appreciate the end result even more once you achieve it.
Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.
Getting everything you want as soon as you want creates zero anticipation – and the joy of anticipation is half the fun in getting something.
Without giving yourself time to enjoy the excitement and the progress toward your desire, you literally have nothing to look forward to.
5) You choose the wrong friends (and partners)
In high school, it was fairly easy to find things in common with the people around you. Everyone had the same classes, the same friend groups, played the same sports, and went to the same student hangouts.
But as you got older, it likely became harder to make friends – life responsibilities piled on and there was less time for being social or even exposure to people who share your values and interests.
And the older you get, the more you want friendships that are deeper and more meaningful, which means on top of fewer opportunities to meet people, you’re also more selective about who you invite into your life.
Do the people you surround yourself with share your values and make you feel good – or do they deplete your energy and talk about you behind your back?
Your relationships can absolutely make or break your quality of life – and your happiness in general.
Your relationships can absolutely make or break your quality of life - and your happiness in general.
That’s why my three-part process of how to attract the right man walks you through how to spot the aspects of a good man, ask the key questions to know his intentions, and experience the qualities of a good boyfriend.
6) You're always comparing yourself to others
It’s easy to lament, “Why does life feel so hard?” or “Why can’t I be happy?” – and then just stay stuck there.
But when is the last time you thought about all the ways your life didn’t feel so hard, or what exactly does make you happy?
Sometimes you can forget what the word “happy” actually means to you or what it looks like, especially if it’s been a while since you actually felt that emotion.
Many studies have linked social media and dating apps to lower self-esteem and increased stress – with one study revealing that dating app users face three times the amount of stress compared to non-users.
Looking at what everyone else has or constantly comparing yourself to others on social media just gives a sense of lacking and feeling like you’re behind in life.
And everyone knows many of the carefully-curated pictures on social media aren’t even showing reality.
That’s why I help women stop swiping their lives away and start meeting men in real life, without the apps – i.e. offline dating.
One person’s happiness is not necessarily another person’s. So getting clear on what brings you joy, and what’s stopping you from achieving that feeling right now, is a great place to start on the road to fulfillment.
7) You lack purpose in your life
Another reason why life can feel challenging may be that you lack purpose.
Having a purpose is going a few steps beyond simply having goals. Purpose is what drives you to give back to humanity and absolutely lights you up in the process. It’s also one of the aspects that men look for in a woman.
So, while a goal may be to learn Spanish for your upcoming trip to Peru, your deeper purpose could be to work with rural Peruvians to build sustainable housing while you’re there.
I didn’t have a life purpose until I started my business – and it changed absolutely everything for me.
I was able to combine my love of connection with decades of overcoming my social fears and developing good communication skills to help others who were struggling with the same aspects I used to.
There was a lot of failure and embarrassment along the way, but valuable lessons that I now teach others in a fraction of the time it took me to learn them – and minus the failures and embarrassments.
Initially, I thought that my purpose was to help single women attract men without apps, as I had successfully done hundreds of times for myself.
But the more workshops I taught and coaching clients I helped, the more I saw that my true passion was to help people create meaningful in-person connections.
That could be for purposes of making a new friend, getting a hot date, or simply sharing a moment with a stranger in passing.
My business, Master Offline Dating, and my books have now helped people in over 130 countries create better connections and get hot dates with potential future partners.
Every email I receive and book review I read that thanks me for changing someone’s life is a natural high that only comes when you find and live out your life purpose.
Helping another person is truly one of the most incredible feelings in the world. I’m getting goosebumps just writing about it!
8) You don't have deep, fulfilling relationships
You can be a very social person yet still feel like your life isn’t easy or even joyful – and you feel incredibly lonely, too.
Many people claim to have “a lot of friends” – but that doesn’t mean those friendships are meaningful or healthy.
If you can’t connect deeply with the people in your life, fully trust them, or feel comfortable showing them who you truly are, any of one of those aspects can easily lead to feeling even worse than having no friends at all.
In fact, the more friends who want your time and you try to accommodate, the less quality those relationships tend to be.
The more friends who want your time and you try to accommodate,
the less quality each relationship tends to be.
You only have so much time and energy to devote to social time.
So, if you’re going for breadth (hanging out with lots of people in many different settings) instead of depth (seeing a smaller number of people more often so you can get to a deeper level of connection), it can actually lead to unhappiness and even feelings of loneliness.
Similarly, trying to fulfill your innate need for human connection via social media or dating apps is like trying to live on junk food. It will keep you alive, for a while anyway… but you’re not going to very feel good.
Connecting over technology has a time and place. But online interactions are incapable of replacing real-life ones and inherently rob you of the time you could be spending with people face-to-face.
That’s why I developed a five-step method that not only reveals what triggers emotional attraction in man but also helps you create a fulfilling connection with absolutely anyone – whether you’ve known them for 20 seconds or 20 years.
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9) You forget to make joy a priority
When I go heads down in a big project, like writing my books or posting these long articles, it’s easy to neglect other parts of my life that bring me joy – like spending time with my friends, going for a hike, or watching Pride and Prejudice for the 27th time (the Keira Knightly version – but still love ya, Colin).
It’s harder to have negative thoughts when you’re outside in a beautiful setting, surrounded by people you care about, or crying happy tears when Lizzie finally realizes OMG she loves Darcy, too.
But creating time for fun and joy is super important and can make the harder parts of life feel a lot less heavy.
So go ahead and free up a Saturday afternoon to hang out with your bestie, plan a solo bike ride through the mountains, or make an appointment to see that tarot card reader your friend highly recommended.
Flirting is also a great way to insert some fun and play into your day, even if it’s not for romantic purposes.
In an upcoming blog, I’ll show you how to flirt with a guy without being obvious so you can apply that natural attraction tool to create a fun moment of joy with anyone.
Side Note: Learning how to flirt combined with tapping into your feminine energy when dating is my two-part process to make a man chase a woman.
10) You settle for less than you deserve
In order to be truly happy and confident, you have to know your own value.
Despite what advertisers tell us, self-worth is not something we can buy or get from others. And if you’ve ever tried to do that, you know how terrible it feels to have someone else decide whether you’re worthy or not.
Getting clear on the unique value that only you can bring to your friendships, family, job, and community will serve to reassert yourself as the truly special person you are.
It also makes it easier to know what you deserve and never settle for something – or someone – who isn’t serving you in a positive way.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do guys never want a relationship with me?” refusing to settle also prevents you from getting stuck in a “situationship,” where you’re giving a man the privileges of a relationship minus the actual commitment from him.
That’s also why I’ll share 18 ways to make him commit without pressure, so you can see if he just needs a loving nudge to make you official, or had no intention of ever settling down and needs to be let go.
Simple rule of thumb: If someone is treating you in a negative way that you would never treat them, then you deserve better.
Being alive isn't the same as actually living
You say you want to change this world Don't sit around and complain about it.
Having negative thoughts like, “Why does my life feel so hard?” is actually an aspect inherent to all humans.
You’re biologically programmed to live much of your life on “autopilot mode” – aspects like creating a habitual morning routine and commuting to and from work via the same exact route without even thinking about it.
This is part of your innate biological wiring meant to conserve your brainpower and keep you alive by mentally preparing to handle something terrible that may spring up around the corner.
But just like the thoughts running on repeat aren’t needed the same way now as they were back in the day (when getting trampled by a woolly mammoth was an actual thing), getting stuck in a rote daily routine without making time to work on long-term goals can lead you to wonder why your life feels difficult right now.
Building a great life and becoming your best self is the difference between existing versus actually living.
Building your best life and becoming your best self is the difference between simply existing versus actually living.
Many people go through life simply “existing” – spending most of their time working to maintain their current lifestyle.
Like going to work Monday through Friday, coming home to heat up a microwave dinner, and bingeing season 53 of The Bachelor.
Rinse and repeat every weeknight – and maybe even over the weekends.
Minus the occasional vacation or friend visiting from out of town, each week is basically the same as the one before it.
There’s no effort toward any goals or taking steps to make each week (or month, or year) new, different, or better than the last one.
As a species that’s wired to seek growth and meaning, living like that can quickly become depressing.
And it’s so easy to fall into that trap. I did for about 10 years, with serious consequences not just to my happiness but also to the choices I made in men.
So how do you shake yourself out of this autopilot funk and start building the life of your dreams, so you can raise your fulfillment factor and attract an amazing partner?
I’m so glad you asked…
Align your day-to-day actions with your dreams
To reveal (and overcome) the real reasons why life is hard right now, start aligning your day-to-day actions and the people you surround yourself with only those who directly support the life you want to create.
Happiness does not consist in pastimes and amusements, but in virtuous activities.
I’ll use my own life as an example here…
After college, I spent a decade in the corporate consulting world.
Back in those days, my life was pretty good – no complaints, but I also didn’t have any real purpose or fulfilling life goals either.
My parents were healthy and supportive. My friends were great. My job was fine.
But outside of planning an annual international trip each year, I honestly didn’t have much to look forward to or get excited or passionate about – except for the day when I’d finally meet my future partner and could make him my purpose in life.
I was simply in a state of ho-hum, which meant whenever a guy came along who piqued my interest, suddenly I had something to get excited about that made my life a lot more interesting.
I’d make it my mission to be the best girlfriend, constantly attentive and giving way more than I was receiving to ensure my new purpose stayed by my side.
I’d start mentally planning out the next milestones in our relationship – engagement, marriage, the number of kids we’d have, where we’d live, etc.
This very unhealthy (and slightly crazy) cycle, which was repeated about a dozen times over the course of 15 years, led me to fall hard and fast for a lot of the wrong men – which always ended in disappointment and heartbreak for me.
I would make each man I dated my source of fulfillment, instead of cultivating it for myself. And I take responsibility for doing that.
I would make each man I dated my source of fulfillment,
instead of cultivating it for myself. Not recommended.
Not only is making someone your “purpose” waaaay too much pressure to put on someone, but it forces you to rely on them for your own happiness.
It also makes you come across as super needy to people who’ve created their own great life and have their own purpose (and don’t want to be the source of yours, thanks).
Now, I can see that if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want a guy to put me in that position or on that pedestal. It’s unattractive and desperate.
I don’t want to be someone’s sole reason for happiness, that’s not my responsibility. Get your own meaning of life, dude.
Thank goodness starting my business Master Offline Dating helped me break that unenjoyable cycle.
Building my own business, and helping thousands of people in the process, took me from a state of existing to actually living by giving me a fulfilling purpose.
It provided a place to channel my energy and passion into a force for good – and fueled my own self-growth in the process.
It forced me to prioritize my commitments and surround myself only with people who added value to my life and supported my purpose.
So, how you can start living your best life and break out of the rote routine you’re experiencing right now?
Start with building up your confidence…
Create your own confidence
When you have true confidence in yourself, you know that you can overcome anything you set your mind to.
You’re not focusing on why your life ain’t going so well because you’re too busy focusing on all the plans you’re making and actions you’re taking.
Lack of self-confidence is also one of the reasons why you may feel like men don’t like you – because confidence is one of the key aspects that men look for in a woman.
Creating confidence in yourself to live your best life is a lot easier and can happen a lot faster than you think.
But first, let’s look at the two types of confidence…
- Outer confidence is valuing your time, surrounding yourself with quality people, and living your best life.
- Inner confidence is knowing your unique value, discovering your life purpose, and becoming your best self.
Most people have the idea of how to achieve confidence completely backward.
I definitely used to.
They assume that confidence is simply an aspect that some people have and others just don’t.
So they put their life on hold, waiting around for some magical day (that will never come) to suddenly feel confident enough to go for what they want in life.
This also may involve complaining about how “easy” other people have it, and that’s why they’re so confident, successful, etc. even when we never truly know the whole story of how someone got to where they are in life.
So, what’s the secret to getting confidence so that you can start living your best life, becoming your best self, and attracting a great guy in the process?
The key to start building your confidence is by taking purposeful action.
Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.
The more action you take, the faster you’ll build your confidence, which will fuel you to be able to achieve anything – from creating the life you’ve always wanted to marrying the man of your dreams.
I call it The Confidence Cycle.
When your outer and inner confidence powers combine, you’ll stop wondering why life is so hard and replace those thoughts with happier, more productive ones.
You’re also more likely to attract a man who’s gone through a similar journey himself and who recognizes what a total catch you are (you self-aware, goal-setting woman of value).
9 benefits of getting your life together
Trying to organize your life to fit your goals after years of building up counter-productive habits can feel overwhelming.
But don’t forget: Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Be kind and patient with yourself. The best things in life usually require a little time and effort – but the rewards can often be beyond your wildest dreams.
Going out on a Saturday night makes you realize how much you are not missing out on while building your empire.
To help motivate you, here are nine benefits of prioritizing your day-to-day – so you can not only attract a high-quality man but start living your very best life…
1) Men will be inspired to step it up for you
When people sense that you value yourself, they automatically value you more too.
Going deeper, many people will start to feel like they need to be worthy of earning your time, and know they better not take you for granted.
A quality woman doesn't need to play games like 'hard to get.' She naturally is hard to get because of her standards and values she lives by.
That’s one of the reasons why dating is so hard these days: people don’t value what they don’t have to put effort into – and online dating often requires little to no effort.
Having men step it up for you is one of the Seven Advantages of Offline Dating, as it’s been shown that humans value real-life interactions (and the people they meet there) much more than those they have online.
When you value yourself, other people will naturally value you, too.
You can tell that someone values themselves by the way they speak about themselves and the actions they’re taking in their life.
Their self-worth is naturally implied by the stories they share, the topic they’re passionate about, and the goals they’re working toward.
Since most people instead focus on the negative or complain about their life, it’s easy to spot when someone is different in a great way.
2) You'll have more free time for yourself
When you stop focusing on why life isn’t going the way you want it to and instead on how to get what you want out of it, you’ll also free up a lot more of your time and energy.
I have a theory – which has been proven right many times over the years – about people who are constantly looking for a debate or causing drama: They’re bored AF.
As humans, we naturally seek stimulation to experience different emotions and get out of autopilot mode.
Creating drama by spreading gossip, trolling an influencer online, or flaking out on a commitment at the last minute serve as toxic short-term fixes for that unmet stimulation need.
The goal of the drama-seeker, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not, is always the same…
Secretly (or not so secretly) enjoying the thrill of provoking others, then watching or managing the fallout.
The goal of the drama-seeker is always the same:
Provoking others and enjoying the thrill of the fallout.
This behavior serves to give temporary reprieve to the drama-seeker, away from their own haze of malaise and unfulfilling life, by bringing others down to their level. Misery truly does love some company.
It’s a vicious cycle that usually only gets worse as the deeper need for fulfillment and healthy stimulation continues to go unmet.
So, bigger drama and more harmful situations are continually created to distract from the person’s growing need for / lack of purpose in life.
For those who choose to seek stimulation in a more productive and healthy way – like volunteering at a homeless shelter or learning a new language – we don’t have time for that crap and actively avoid the people who cause it as soon as we get a whiff.
I bet you have at least one person in your life right now who seeks stimulation in an unhealthy way. Maybe even a few.
By removing those people from your life (at least until they change their toxic habits), you’ll free up your own time and energy and enjoy more support in achieving your goals by surrounding yourself with others who are doing the same.
If you’re recognizing yourself as a drama-seeker right now, it’s ok.
Awareness is the first step to change, and I’ll show you how to discover healthy and productive stimuli when I reveal what men want in a woman (because it’s directly related).
3) You'll never miss another opportunity
Another benefit of achieving your goals is that you’ll be prepared for any opportunity that comes your way.
Even though I’m a planner by nature, I love leaving room for spontaneous events to pop up and feel fully prepared to take advantage of them at a moment’s notice.
One of the best parts about saying yes to a last-minute opportunity is that you haven’t crafted any expectations, so it’s hard to be disappointed by it.
There’s also a thrill in not knowing exactly what’s going to happen at a last-minute invite because you’re often planning it as you go.
Spontaneity can be perfect for shaking you out of your daily rote routine and adding some spice to your life.
When you invest your energy solely on what you want or absolutely need to do in your life, it frees up more time to be spent on whatever you feel like in the present moment…
Like a spur-of-the-moment beach getaway, a free ticket to a sold-out concert tonight, or that magical unexpected moment when you find yourself chatting up a great guy in line at the post office and he asks for your number.
4) You'll enjoy finally putting yourself first
Many women default to putting everyone else’s needs before their own. They don’t ask for what they truly want, give more than they receive, and/or are consistently sacrificing their time and energy for others.
It can feel exhausting and make you wonder why life has to be such a challenge (or what’s wrong with guys today) when, actually, you just need to stop prioritizing everyone else over yourself.
Just like every airline safety spiel says, when the oxygen masks drop down you have to put on yours before taking care of others – yes, kiddos included.
By taking this time when you’re single to practice prioritizing yourself, it can become a habit.
That way, when you meet a man you’re excited about, you don’t lose yourself in him or the relationship. You’re still your own number one.
Getting your life in order and clearing out time-sucks and people who don’t support your best life is also great practice for setting healthy boundaries and asking for what you want in life.
If you can’t set boundaries with your bullying coworker or condescending cousin, how can you hope to set them with the man you’re in love with?
If you can’t set boundaries with your bullying coworker or condescending cousin, how can you hope to set them with the man you’re in love with?
Also, keep in mind that when you do get into a relationship with a man, you’ll have to compromise with him. Which, when you meet the right man, will be totally worth it.
So, why not enjoy this time of being single, when you don’t have to get else’s opinion and can simply do what you want, the way you want, when you want?
5) The tough times will get much easier
Life will always have an ebb and flow of challenges. But when you dig deeper about why life is so hard right now, you can start to make key improvements – and quickly.
Living a quality, organized life makes those unavoidable rough patches – like a health scare, or layoff at work – a lot easier.
Because even when you do “all the right things” in life, aspects that are completely out of your control will still happen – whether it’s a health scare, department layoff, or flooded basement.
The higher the quality of life you’ve built for yourself, the easier the unavoidable hard stuff is going to be.
The higher the quality of life you’ve built for yourself,
the easier the unavoidable hard stuff is going to be.
But having the majority of your life in order – your exercise routine, supportive friends, a stable job – will make the hard stuff that comes along sooo much easier to process and move through. Trust me on this one.
6) You'll make a killer first impression on everyone
Living a quality life enables you to instantly become more memorable to every person you meet.
By simply describing your daily activities, which are adding value to your life and moving you closer to your goals, it becomes clear that you have your life together (i.e. you value yourself).
Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear.
Many people do the opposite – they get more comfortable complaining about their life than taking any actual steps to make it any better.
So when you talk about the actions you’re taking to improve your quality of life, you immediately set yourself apart from the masses and are seen as a super attractive rarity.
Someone sharing that they booked a trip through the Australian Outback or they’re taking flamenco guitar lessons are signs that they make things happen and value the ability to learn, grow, and explore.
They don’t just talk the talk, baby – they walk the walk.
You don’t have to have everything in your life figured out to become attractive in this sense – just taking consistent action toward aspects that are important to you is all you need to do.
7) You'll always have something interesting to say
Another benefit to shifting your thoughts from, “Why is life so hard?” to “What’s the next step I can take to create the life I want?” is that you’ll have an endless flow of interesting topics to talk about.
Sharing tidbits from your daily life, like the steps you’re taking toward your goals – and, even more importantly, why you’re doing them – helps you quickly get off the small talk and into a deeper level of conversation.
It also helps in knowing how to be approachable, how to talk to guys, and how to get a guy to ask you out.
Sharing an interesting aspect in a conversation could simply be, “I signed up for a French cooking class because I’ve wanted to make a coq au vin ever since I studied abroad in Dijon, France.”
Or, “I’m working with a personal trainer to master my deadlift so I can enter a weightlifting competition this spring.”
Or, “My neighbors are driving me nuts, so I’m checking out new apartments in a different neighborhood to change things up and get a little more quiet in my life.”
8) You'll naturally attract the right people into your life
If you’re single and wondering, why you don’t have a boyfriend, I know it can be defeating to feel ready for a partner, but not know how to find one.
When you set goals and know the key steps to achieve them, you naturally stop looking for someone to fill that massive void of fulfillment.
You’ve already built a great life that stimulates you and gives you purpose and only surround yourself with people who support you in that.
Having great people in your life also takes the pressure off a man to fulfill many different roles for you (partner, purpose, best friend, mentor) that aren’t his responsibility.
It shows him that you don’t need him in your life for those aspects, but you choose to have him because he adds value – which will make him appreciate and value you even more.
On the flip side, here’s an example of the opposite: Imagine you’re at a friend’s birthday party talking to a guy.
You’re enjoying an exchange of witty banter with him until the topic of travel comes up.
He says, “I want to travel, but I haven’t really done much. I hope once I get into a relationship my partner will inspire me to finally go places.”
As a woman who’s traveled solo many times, including abroad, that statement would be a big turn-off for me.
I’d wonder why that man wasn’t taking action to travel for himself, instead of waiting around for someone else to nudge him to do it.
I’d also wager that the “I’ll wait until I’m in a relationship” mindset probably applied to other things in his life.
And, no thanks on that front.
I’ve always known I need a man who’s already built a great life, not waiting around for me to tell him to do it.
Going a step further, creating a great life for yourself attracts a man who’s done the same in his own life.
If you want someone to prioritize you and treat you like the quality woman you are, you have to do that for yourself first.
Start building your amazing life before you meet your future partner to attract good men with their own great lives even faster.
Start building your amazing life before you meet your future partner to attract good men with their own great lives even faster.
Being single is actually the perfect time to do all the things you’ve been wanting to – whether that’s getting your MBA, backpacking through Argentina, or simply going to a matinee movie by yourself.
You’re getting your life in order for you and only you – and doing it your way.
It’s incredibly empowering to know that not only can you accomplish those aspects by yourself, but that you’re worthy of doing them for yourself.
Putting your life on hold just because of a single relationship status is not only unattractive, it’s essentially telling yourself that you aren’t worthy of something until you find a partner. False!
9) You'll become a better human
Building your confidence isn’t just important in attracting the right man, it’s crucial for becoming your best self and living your best life.
Asking vague, unhelpful questions like, “Why is life so hard?” can keep you in a negative state of mind.
Instead, focus on aligning your everyday actions and social circles with your goals. I’ll show you how in the next article in my Find Love Offline series.
Just remember: Your day-to-day habits create the overall quality of your life.
Your day-to-day habits create the overall quality of your life.
More importantly, the actions you take – or don’t take – inherently shape who you are and what you stand for.
Or, put another way…
Watch your thoughts, they become words;
Watch your words, they become actions;
Watch your actions, they become habits;
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Conclusion: How to create more calm and joy
Sometimes life will throw you a major curveball and you can find yourself in the middle of a crisis – your dog gets dick, a parent passes away, you fall off a ladder and need three months of physical therapy.
But often it can feel just as bad – if not worse – when there’s no acute emergency to pinpoint your feelings of unhappiness to.
You just know that you’re not happy and find yourself constantly asking “Why is life so hard?” – which doesn’t help at all, and only makes you feel powerless to change it.
In this article, we covered the 10 common reasons behind chronic unhappiness:
- 1) You're wired for a negative default
- 2) You're not setting or working toward any goals
- 3) Your home is a disaster zone
- 4) You waste time on short-term trivialities
- 5) You choose the wrong friends (and partners)
- 6) You're always comparing yourself to others
- 7) You lack purpose in your life
- 8) You don't have deep, fulfilling relationships
- 9) You forget to make joy a priority
- 10) You settle for less than you deserve
The great news is each of these aspects is completely fixable – and once you know how to move past each, you’ll enjoy benefits such as:
- 1) Men will be inspired to step it up for you
- 2) You'll have more free time for yourself
- 3) You'll never miss another opportunity
- 4) You'll enjoy finally putting yourself first
- 5) The tough times will get much easier
- 6) You'll make a killer first impression on everyone
- 7) You'll always have something interesting to say
- 8) You'll naturally attract the right people into your life
- 9) You'll become a better human
So, how do you get those benefits?
Use the 5 Acts of Building a Quality Life so you can attract a high-quality man into it.
Remember: Tomorrow is a new day, and you have the power to create a new future with the choices you make right now. I’ll show you how in the next article.
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