Two Alluring Traits That Inspire His Pursuit
In this article, you'll discover...
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As an offline dating coach, a question often asked by female clients is, “What makes a man chase a woman?”
Men tend to love a chase – it’s in their DNA.
They put the “hunter” in “hunter-gatherer,” with a biological wiring to seek out prey and provide food for their families.
And those same instincts still live within the modern man today.
But since there’s no longer a need for them to take down a woolly mammoth, that ancient instinct often gets channeled into hunting for… you guessed it: women.
All Readers Welcome
While this article was written with single women seeking men in mind, as that’s the perspective I can personally speak to, most advice is applicable to all genders and orientations.
So, if you identify outside of a heterosexual female, let me extend a warm personal welcome!
I’m glad you’re here and hope my content helps you achieve your love/life goals even faster.
- Camille Virginia
However, online dating has sadly stripped a lot of men of their natural desire and motivation to chase a woman.
When a guy can sit at home and swipe away the day, with thousands of women at his fingertips, he’s able to put minimal effort into each interaction while still getting rewarded with (albeit often shallow) connection.
So, many men simply don’t value the pursuit – nor value the women they meet online.
This is one of the many advantages of offline dating, it taps into men’s natural, in-person instinct to chase – and also to value who they’re chasing.
Now, you don’t want men who just enjoy the chase only to lose interest as soon as they catch you. But if you want to fast-track your way to a relationship with a great guy, you must incorporate an element of the chase.
This doesn’t mean playing games or hard to get; it just means you need to stop doing all the work for a man.
For many years I would take the lead in the dating process by asking men out, planning our date, and declining their offers to help me put on my coat or open the car door.
I was desperate to show them that I was low maintenance and “so easy to be with,” but I wasn’t I wasn’t being true to myself – and I honestly, I hated every minute of being the one in charge.
On top of that being an unenjoyable process, it stripped the men of the fun part – i.e. the chase – and turned them off from me.
They didn’t have to do any work to keep me interested, so they didn’t value me – and honestly, I was showing them that I didn’t value myself.
What makes a man chase a woman?
So what makes a man chase a woman? There are two subtle yet essential aspects behind the art of letting him come to you…
When you know how to display that you’re a woman of value, a man realizes he can’t get the amazing package of you from any other woman – and the right man will do what it takes to get you into his life.
But let’s get a little more specific about what will make a man chase you. Here are six aspects that will put a quality man in pursuit of you – stat.
1) You have your own fabulous life
Having your own life is incredibly sexy. It shows that you’re not waiting around for a man to do adventures with or to learn a new language with; you’re doing those things yourself and with great people already in your life.
Meeting a man who has his own interests, hobbies, and passions and knows how to prioritize his life shows that he’s confident in himself and can contribute new experiences, knowledge, and activities to your life.
It can feel suffocating to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t have much of an opinion on anything, doesn’t stand for any causes, or has no interests outside of playing video games or drinking with his buddies.
It’s like he’s waiting around for life to happen to him instead of making it happen for himself. Ugh, no thanks.
The benefits of having a great life in place before you meet your potential partner include…
Having your own fabulous life while being single is not only fulfilling for you but helps you attract a high-value man in the process.
Because in order to attract a quality man who has his life together, you first have to become a quality woman who has her life together.
Doing the activities you love is also a great way to be more approachable because your joy in doing them puts out positive energy that pulls the right people to you.
It’s also one of the key aspects that can inspire a guy to commit without pressuring him.
2) You give him space to pursue you
Men love to feel needed and that they’re actively contributing value to you and your life.
Often, it’s the small things that he knows you can do yourself, but you ask for his help on, that can make a man continue to want to step it up and give him space to pursue you.
So the next time a household task pops up or an opportunity arises for him to save the moment, let him do it.
Whether that’s planning your date night that week, unclogging the shower drain, or carrying your groceries up the stairs.
3) You act like a woman around him
One of my guy friends once told me, “Men like a woman who acts like a woman.”
Now before you beat me up about this, let me say this: the great news is that today, the term “woman” refers to a whole spectrum of traits. There’s no one-size-fits-all model of an ideal woman.
Some other men adore a woman who tells it like it is and is the life of the party, while other men are attracted to women who are on the more reserved end of the social spectrum.
First, define what femininity means to you – then cultivate it for yourself.
Every human has a balance of masculine and feminine energies, so get in touch with your softer side by engaging one of your senses – Smell, Touch, Taste, Sound, and Sight – and your Emotions as well.
This is one of the key aspects of inspiring a man to start chasing you.
4) You show your playful side to him
We all have our own unique flirting style, it’s simply our approach to the playful side we show others.
Some women love to throw out a witty clip to see which man picks up on their dry sense of humor, while other ladies prefer to simply display a coy little smile and give him space to pursue them.
Flirting is a powerful attraction tool that everyone can wield, and it’s one of the best – and fastest – ways to show a man you’re interested in him while still letting him chase you.
So learning how to talk to a guy and how to flirt with a guy in a way that feels authentic to you is essential in the dating process.
5) You aren't sleeping with him yet
I’ve had many girlfriends and coaching clients share their regret over having sex with a man too soon.
Each of them was feeling an emotional and physical connection with the man in the moment, but afterward, they could feel the shift in how he viewed them – and not for the better.
Whenever a client asks me, “Why don’t men want a relationship with me?” I immediately ask if she’s sleeping with him; because three out of five times, that’s the reason he isn’t committing to her.
When you give a man relationship privileges – like sleeping with him – without asking for an actual commitment from him, he doesn’t value you as much. People (especially men) value what they have to work for.
If you show him that it doesn’t take much to get you into bed, he’ll think you’re like that with every guy and won’t value you the same way he would a woman who only shares her body when a man commits to her.
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6) You want him - but you don't need him
Self-confidence is one of the key aspects that men look for in a woman.
Instead of sitting around asking, “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?” or “Why don’t guys like me?” focus on creating an incredible life that will help you attract the right man who’s truly ready for a commitment (which is one of the six qualities of a good boyfriend).
Back when my friend Sajani started dating her now-husband of ten years, Sagar, she shared a beautiful quote he’d said to her: “I know you don’t need me in your life, but I love that you want me in it.”
“I know you don’t need me in your life, but I love that you want me in it.”
Sajani is a strong, smart, capable woman who – it was absolutely true – didn’t need Sagar. She never overtly told him this, but she had her own life and successful career, and he knew she would be ok without him.
That made her all the more special in his eyes because he knew she chose to have him in her life as her partner, not because she needed a spot to be filled by anyone with a pulse.
Be like Sajani by cultivating a great life outside of your relationship so you’re genuinely ok with being single and living that great life until the right man comes along.
The mixed-signal stand-off between men and women
If you’re like I was, and like many of the women I work with, embracing your femininity can be a bit of a struggle. This is one of the reasons why dating is so hard for all genders these days. Here’s what I mean…
Women are continuing to become professional powerhouses, especially on education and business fronts.
This also means that we’re spending more and more time in our masculine energy, which is the side of you that “makes things happen” and values logic over emotion.
While those aspects tend to get great results with work projects, To Do lists, and other tangible goals you set, they rarely work as well in connecting with another human – and especially attracting your future partner.
If you neglect your femininity in favor of staying in your masculine energy for too long, not only does that start to feel exhausting but it sends confusing signals to the men who are interested in you.
Let him come to you
The solution to this is to find a balance of your masculine and feminine energies, start getting to know your feminine side, and tap into your naturally flirt and playful side so you naturally inspire men to come to you.
Embracing both your masculine and feminine energies is important so you can be aware of which one you’re in and when (and make sure it’s the one you want).
Here are some questions to ask yourself to start getting an idea of what femininity means to you and how it shows up in you:
Then simply add a dash of playful flirtation (and you’ll make a man chase you in no time.
Femininity and flirting have many different definitions and can be expressed in a unique way for each woman. Define each aspect for yourself and use them as a powerful attraction tool in a way that feels natural for you.
I used these attraction tools after my move from my hometown of Portland, Oregon to Chicago.
After the man I’d been dating in Chicago broke up with me three weeks after I moved there (thanks again, John), I started to chat up people out of necessity to make new friends because I was so lonely.
Once I started meeting great people and feeling more connected to my new city, I finally felt comfortable to the point of letting my true personality shine through.
And guess what happened?
That’s when I started getting asked out by men everywhere I went.
I took my newfound feelings of confidence and conversation skills and simply added a layer of natural charisma by flirting with everyone (men, puppies, babies) and sharing my sense of humor (like saying a short quip out loud to see who responds).
That last step allowed my playful and feminine sides to shine through – and thus attract a ton of great men in the process.
Because when you’re authentically comfortable and having fun, people are naturally drawn to you.
6 benefits of letting a man chase you
To get a man to chase you, first ditch the dating apps and go out into the real world, so his innate chase instincts can truly kick in.
Offline dating – i.e. dating in real life, without the apps – makes attraction and connection ten times more powerful than anything that may happen from behind a screen.
Want to know the magical things that will happen once you discover how to make a man chase you?
Here are six key benefits of letting him come to you…
#1 Instantly boost your mood anytime
There’s enough to ruin your day simply by turning on the news or scrolling through your Facebook feed.
Tapping into your softer, more playful sides is a great way to instantly add positivity to the moment.
You can even skip flirting with others in favor of flirting with yourself – like complimenting your new shirt: “Wow Camille, who knew an orange blouse would look so ah-mazing on you? Get it, girl.”
That’s a great way to not take yourself so seriously.
So, why not add some more playfulness and fun to your life with a little flirting and/or a lot of femininity?
#2 Show your interest in a safe way
Part of what makes a man chase a woman is in knowing he at least has a chance to win her over.
Bringing out your flirty, feminine sides are fun ways to show a man you’re interested in him by making him feel desired and giving him space to pursue you.
Think about it: When you know a man is flirting with you, it’s a huge compliment!
Even if it’s just a simple invitation to be playful with him in the moment, everyone loves to feel desired.
You can combine this approach with knowing what triggers emotional attraction in a man and learning what inspires a man to ask you out to make him want you even more.
#3 Enjoy him taking the lead
Being able to harness and showcase your femininity helps brings out his masculinity. It inspires him to be the man he wants to be for you and can fulfill him on a primal level (again, think of his hunter instincts).
This can make him feel amazing – and he’ll associate those amazing feelings with you.
#4 Never get Friend-Zoned again
When you know how to inspire a man to chase you, you’ll bypass the Friend Zone and show him you’re a desirable woman who’s more than just a buddy.
Getting out of the Friend Zone is about shifting the role that you’re playing in his life and the energy that you’re leading with when you’re around him.
It doesn’t have to be a huge shift but needs to be an energy that feels authentic to you.
Get clear on the “friend” role that you’re playing in his life right now and how that differs from the “more than a friend” role you want to be playing or exploring, and take action to bridge that gap.
I’ll show you how in the next two articles in this series.
#5 Be seen as the valuable woman you are
Here’s a little secret: men tend to view women as mysterious creatures and a constant source of intrigue.
Pairing your natural feminine assets with the self-confidence built by understanding what men look for in a woman means you’ll be seen and appreciated by him as the naturally attractive and quality woman you are.
Being a desirable woman means you are not…
One of the key indicators of a great guy is that he respects you – and seeing you as a woman of value is an important part of that.
#6 Discover lifelong attraction tools
Flirting not only helps you playfully connect to people in the moment but is also an aspect you can (and should) use as a lifelong attraction tool with your future partner.
Because you never want to stop flirting, playing, or having fun with him!
You can make any place fun and create your own little moments together.
That’s one of many reasons why discovering your natural flirting style and practicing now, before you meet your potential partner, is so important.
The fun and joy it will create in your day-to-day life with everyone right now will naturally carry over into playing with your partner – and perhaps even attract him in the process.
Conclusion: Here's what makes a man chase a woman
So, what makes a man chase a woman?
Here are the six key traits that let him come to you:
To cultivate those aspects, here are the two subtle yet powerful aspects behind letting a man chase you…
Once you know how to use those two aspects to your advantage (and you don’t chase him), you’ll be able to:
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Your advice is mostly good for any gender, but there are differences. As a male it’s “expected” for me to be the pursuer, but I feel the need to be desired too. How to strike the balance between pursuing and giving someone room to show interest in the pursuit. I’ve had situations where I was the only one initiating contact and that didn’t sit right with me.
I’ve also been in dating situations that feel like an interview. What’s a good way to shift that dynamic or is it best to move on?
Great question David. Women love it when a man shows that he’s willing to take the lead – that doesn’t mean he needs to lead all the time, but starting off the first few interactions by taking the reins is highly attractive to us. And in return, the woman should be actively giving you signals that she desires you and appreciates those efforts.
Many women have found ourselves dating men who aren’t willing to put in *any* effort – and that’s super unattractive. So by showing us right off the bat that you’re willing to take the lead at least some of time, esepcially in the beginning, that quelches that fear that we’ll have to carry the entire relationship.
As for shifting an interview-style conversation, I reocmmend looking at Element #1 in my blog re: what questions to ask that elicit a more personal connection: https://masterofflinedating.com/what-triggers-emotional-attraction-in-a-man/